Musical Production Pitch:
Writer: I've got this great idea for a show.
Producer: Go on, I'm listening.
Writer: Well I'd like to make a musical from a novel by the French author Victor Hugo.
Producer: What's the plot.
Writer: Oh, it's amazing. It has French Revolution as its backdrop, it has a thief who becomes a mayor, the police, illegitimate daughters, heartbreak & unrequited love, suicide, loads of other deaths, suffering and a smattering of prostitution...
Producer: Mothership overcrowded was it?
Writer: No honestly, it'll be nothing short of spectacular!
Producer: If you ever go to see a mind reader, make sure you only pay half price.
Writer: But I haven't even told you the best part yet.
Producer: You don't say.
Writer: It'll be a shade under three hours long, we can charge about £100 a ticket and I want to call it The Miserables.
Producer: ....... Why have you come to my planet?
As a premise Les Miserables shouldn’t work. If someone came up to you and tried to get you to spend three hours wasting away your evening on the above proposal you’d either want to go hammered first or seriously contemplate becoming best friends with your new chemical pal Prozac before you even walked out of your own front door. With the possible exception of “Fiddler on the roof” I can’t think of another musical that comes even close to reaching the levels of pain and suffering we see witnessed here. And yes before anybody says anything, I am fully aware of Stomp!
The problem is that it does work and for the life of me I can’t put my finger on why. All though that said I think the main contributory reason for it being so popular is that it does have the “love conquers all” message plastered all over the last fifteen minutes. I also believe that romance sells, yes I’m sure I read that somewhere and if you throw in the odd good tune it would seem that you’ve pretty much got your own licence to print money. I amazed more people haven’t tried it themselves. The West-end should be packed to the rafters every evening with stories of woe wrapped around a good old Andrew Lloyd Webber tune. (Note to self, work on a musical based around banking at Canary Wharf, which includes liquidations, bankruptcy and the odd overpriced pint. Get Gary Barlow to right the songs and pitch the idea to Simon Cowell. Working title could be “The Isle of Dogs depression” or “Shares, Sex and Suffering”).
Anyway back to the film. Hugh Jackman plays the long suffering hero of the piece, Jean Valjean. At the beginning of the film we discover that he’s currently spending eighteen years in prison for stealing a loaf of broad. Let this be a lesson to everyone, Tesco’s will ALWAYS prosecute shoplifters. Whilst in prison Valjean is only referred to by number, which I shan’t repeat here just in case he becomes the victim of identity theft. He manages to get paroled and promptly breaks the conditions attached to this so he can start a new life and before you can say “hey, aren’t you really Wolverine?” he has become the owner of a factory and the mayor of a local town. The man responsible for releasing Jean Valjean on parole is a Javert, played by Russell Crowe. Now as it turns out little old Javert isn’t overly happy about Valjean disappearing and is more than a little determined to track him down. This determination does border on the obsessive at times and you do wonder if his time could be best used in other endeavours.
It is in the aforementioned factory that we find our next Hollywood A-lister Anne Hathaway. She plays Fantine, a hard working seamstress who tries to keep herself to herself but once word gets out that she is a mother things just go from bad to worse for her and Fantine loses her job. In doing so also loses her ability to send money to the people looking after her daughter. This lack of money and the love for her daughter forces her to make some very hard decisions, which ultimately lead her towards prostitution. Now for those of you who have haven’t seen the film or are unaware of the plot I won’t ruin the story of Fantine for you but I will say this. Anne Hathaway is a as close to guaranteed as you can get for picking up this year’s best supporting actress.
Now the more eagle eyed readers will have spotted that in that last paragraph I did promise that I wouldn’t reveal what happens to Fantine but having thought about it I have realised that there isn’t any way I can continue with the plot of the film unless I do, so here goes. She dies, pops her clogs, is bereft of life, goes belly up, starts to check out the grass from underneath, finally kicks the oxygen habit or if you want the pc version she becomes living-challenged.
On Fantines deathbed Valjean promises to look after her daughter Cosette as he feels he is partly responsible for her losing her job in the first place. Cosette is being looked after by two very unscrupulous characters Thenardier and his wife. They are both run an Inn together and aren’t interested in anybody’s wellbeing other than their own. The only exception to this would be for their own daughter Eponine. After some serious haggling and negotiating they agree to sell Cosette to Valjean and after another run in with Javert they leave for Paris to try and start a new life together.
Whilst living in Paris Cosette, played by Amanda Seyfried, happens to fall in love with a very charming young man Marius. Now please pay attention as there may be a test at the end. Marius is very keen on change and with his friends they plan to lead an uprising against the oppressive government. Now Eponine, who just happens to also now be in Paris is head over heels in love Marius but Marius having just met Eponine, is very much in love with her. The uprising that has been a long time in the making doesn’t exactly go to plan. Javert infiltrates their ranks and nearly stops the revolt but before you can say “hey, you’re only seven, how can you tell I’m an imposter?” he gets found out by a seven year old who accuses him of being an imposter and the crowd turn on him. Valjean offers to execute him but once they’re alone he sets Javert free. Now this really messes with Javert’s mind as he’s spent all of this life tracking Valjean down and can’t understand how he could do this. Long story short, Javert kills himself by doing the worst Tom Daley impression you have ever seen off a nearby bridge. All ends well and eventually after a few more plot twists and turn Cosette and Marius get married and live happily ever after.
Now a lot has been made of the singing and the songs in this film and all I will say is this, Hugh Jackman can sing, Anne Hathaway can carry a tune and Russell Crowe was great in the Gladiator. That should tell you everything you need to know about Les Miserables musically.
Oh bugger I’ve just remembered another musical that is a tad heavy when it comes to tugging on the heart strings, Blood Brothers. However unless someone decides to turn the Killing Fields into a musical Les Miserables is and always will be the big boy on the block when it comes to sorrow, grief and misery.
Twitter Review:
Songs, singing and suffering. If mental anguish is what you want on the silver screen then Les Miserables is for you.
#TissueMovie
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1707386/?ref_=sr_1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvzgxKHYFIc
http://lesmiserables-movie.co.uk/
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Friday, 18 January 2013
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
How to make a film about Hobbits.
For best results please try and stick to the correct elements listed below.
Ingredients:
1x old wizard played by Magneto (Sir Ian Mckellen)
1x Hobbit played by Dr Watson and or Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman)
12x Dwarves including 1 who married the Vicar of Dibley (Richard Armitage), 1 who played Jekyll & Hyde (James Nesbitt), 1 who’s been in everything from Red Dwarf, Casualty and The Bill (Graham McTavish)and 1 who’s made his name playing a Vampire (Aidan Turner)
2x Hobbits we’ve seen before so you can use them to help set up the telling of the story you’re about to see (Sir Ian Holm and Elijah Wood)
1x Elf played by Mr Smith from the Matrix Films (Hugo Weaving)
1x Elf played by Queen Elizabeth (Cate Blanchett)
1x Wizard played by the man with the golden gun with Dracula tendencies (Christopher Lee)
1x Wizard played by an ex Doctor Who (Sylvester McCoy)
1x Gollum, keeper of the precious (Andy Serkis)
Method:
Find a Director who has previous experience in bringing Tolkien to the masses. New Zealanders tend to be the best if you can find one. Sign up a local company that can handle the odd effect or two. Please check first that they don’t specialise in claymation or stop motion effects. Most of what’s seen on screen will need to be digital. Also without wishing to sound to clichéd when it comes to scouting for places to shoot your grand and epic tale, it will come down to three simple words “Location, Location, Location”. You can assemble the greatest actors, write the best screenplay seen in these parts for over a decade but if you’re going to convince the world that you are actually on location in Middle Earth you can’t do it with concrete cows or electricity pylons in the background.
Once you have these components put together take the above ingredients and mix them altogether. Give yourself a solid twelve months or so to cook it perfectly and then wait for critical acclaim.
This Hobbit movie isn’t actually that bad. The problems that it has are mostly inherited from what came before. The previous lord of the rings trilogy blew audiences way, raised the bar and made a lot of money, approximately 2.9 billion dollars. It also proved that there isn’t that much that can be considered these days to be “unfilmable”.
So with very high expectations filming of the Hobbit was announced with Peter Jackson once again taking on the big chair duties again. Originally the plan was to make two films but even this raised a few eyebrows within the film world. All three books from the rings trilogy clock in at around one thousand pages, whereas the hobbit is nearer three hundred and fifty. Some of the Hollywood naysayers were adamant that there simple wasn’t enough source material for it to be stretched over two films so I can only imagine that shares in Prozac must have gone up quite considerable when Warner’s announced in the early summer of last year that at Jacksons request the story would now take place over three films, not two.
This is a four star film, not five and the reason I say this is a simple on. At the heart of this story it’s basically a tale about reclaiming a home and the treasure horded within, even if it is guarded by a dragon. There’s never any real sense of peril or that the world will end should they fail in their quest. Even when Sauron isn’t on the screen in the original films you have the ring to remind you that something very bad is happening and that all is not well. You just the sensation that if the Dwarves don’t finish their journey not a lot will change. This is a shame really but guess the Hobbit was written as a children’s story, the lord of the rings wasn’t .
I’ll finish by saying this, the Hobbit was a long time in the making and had a few hiccups before it made it to the screen. The most prominent being a change of director. Guillermo del Toro had always been Peter Jackson first choice for directing these films but after the films production getting stuck in financial wrangles he left to pursue other interests. The next two films “The Desolation of Smaug”, due in December of this year and “There and Back Again” due to hit the screens in the summer of 2014 are still very much “must see movies” and I’m sure they will be received well and be hailed as landmark films, in much the same way the first trilogy were. I just hope they are more character driven and not too reliant on visual distractions as the first one seemed to be.
Twitter review:
If you don’t like this film you don’t know what you’re Tolkien about
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0903624/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOGsB9dORBg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IYMgqWXH8Y
For best results please try and stick to the correct elements listed below.
Ingredients:
1x old wizard played by Magneto (Sir Ian Mckellen)
1x Hobbit played by Dr Watson and or Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman)
12x Dwarves including 1 who married the Vicar of Dibley (Richard Armitage), 1 who played Jekyll & Hyde (James Nesbitt), 1 who’s been in everything from Red Dwarf, Casualty and The Bill (Graham McTavish)and 1 who’s made his name playing a Vampire (Aidan Turner)
2x Hobbits we’ve seen before so you can use them to help set up the telling of the story you’re about to see (Sir Ian Holm and Elijah Wood)
1x Elf played by Mr Smith from the Matrix Films (Hugo Weaving)
1x Elf played by Queen Elizabeth (Cate Blanchett)
1x Wizard played by the man with the golden gun with Dracula tendencies (Christopher Lee)
1x Wizard played by an ex Doctor Who (Sylvester McCoy)
1x Gollum, keeper of the precious (Andy Serkis)
Method:
Find a Director who has previous experience in bringing Tolkien to the masses. New Zealanders tend to be the best if you can find one. Sign up a local company that can handle the odd effect or two. Please check first that they don’t specialise in claymation or stop motion effects. Most of what’s seen on screen will need to be digital. Also without wishing to sound to clichéd when it comes to scouting for places to shoot your grand and epic tale, it will come down to three simple words “Location, Location, Location”. You can assemble the greatest actors, write the best screenplay seen in these parts for over a decade but if you’re going to convince the world that you are actually on location in Middle Earth you can’t do it with concrete cows or electricity pylons in the background.
Once you have these components put together take the above ingredients and mix them altogether. Give yourself a solid twelve months or so to cook it perfectly and then wait for critical acclaim.
This Hobbit movie isn’t actually that bad. The problems that it has are mostly inherited from what came before. The previous lord of the rings trilogy blew audiences way, raised the bar and made a lot of money, approximately 2.9 billion dollars. It also proved that there isn’t that much that can be considered these days to be “unfilmable”.
So with very high expectations filming of the Hobbit was announced with Peter Jackson once again taking on the big chair duties again. Originally the plan was to make two films but even this raised a few eyebrows within the film world. All three books from the rings trilogy clock in at around one thousand pages, whereas the hobbit is nearer three hundred and fifty. Some of the Hollywood naysayers were adamant that there simple wasn’t enough source material for it to be stretched over two films so I can only imagine that shares in Prozac must have gone up quite considerable when Warner’s announced in the early summer of last year that at Jacksons request the story would now take place over three films, not two.
This is a four star film, not five and the reason I say this is a simple on. At the heart of this story it’s basically a tale about reclaiming a home and the treasure horded within, even if it is guarded by a dragon. There’s never any real sense of peril or that the world will end should they fail in their quest. Even when Sauron isn’t on the screen in the original films you have the ring to remind you that something very bad is happening and that all is not well. You just the sensation that if the Dwarves don’t finish their journey not a lot will change. This is a shame really but guess the Hobbit was written as a children’s story, the lord of the rings wasn’t .
I’ll finish by saying this, the Hobbit was a long time in the making and had a few hiccups before it made it to the screen. The most prominent being a change of director. Guillermo del Toro had always been Peter Jackson first choice for directing these films but after the films production getting stuck in financial wrangles he left to pursue other interests. The next two films “The Desolation of Smaug”, due in December of this year and “There and Back Again” due to hit the screens in the summer of 2014 are still very much “must see movies” and I’m sure they will be received well and be hailed as landmark films, in much the same way the first trilogy were. I just hope they are more character driven and not too reliant on visual distractions as the first one seemed to be.
Twitter review:
If you don’t like this film you don’t know what you’re Tolkien about
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0903624/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOGsB9dORBg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IYMgqWXH8Y
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Dredd 3D, Skyfall, Frankenweenie, Gambit
There now follows an official press release from Bavs Celluloid Musings.
Dear reader first let me apologise for the lack of posts over the last two months. I’d like to say that the lack of activity was down to some exotic reason, such as having drafted into the Avengers to fight crime on my forklift or being kidnapped by the head of Disney to work on the new Star Wars script for Episode VII but the truth of the matter is far more boring and mundane.
Flat hunting, moving and then it taking a while to get the internet back up and running.
I know, I Should have gone with the Disney excuse shouldn’t I?
So with the apologies out of the way I’d like to give a quick review each of the films I’ve missed over the last eight weeks or so starting with Dredd 3D.
So where to start? Well firstly let me issue a word of warning….. It’s very violent. However that doesn’t really even begin to tell the story. Saying its violent is like saying Spartacus is a long film, it just doesn’t even come close to describing what has been committed to film here. This is in a different league when it comes to comic book adaptations. Nothing has ever come close to being this visceral and in your face. If ultra-slow motion bullet injuries are your bag or the sight of people being skinned “just for jollies” then this maybe the film you have been waiting for. It also goes without saying that film is not for kids.
Karl Urban has seen his stock rise over the last decade with roles in The Lord Of The Rings, The Bourne Supremacy and the rebooted Star Trek franchise but this is the first time he’s been asked to carry a Hollywood film as the lead. A job he does with ease, spending the entire film basically only acting with his chin (for those not in the know Dredd never and I do mean NEVER takes his helmet off). Lena Headey plays the big bad meanie of the piece, Ma-Ma. She has her own ideas about Neighbourhood watch and the chemicals she likes to use around the house you wouldn’t find any personal grooming products. Ma-Ma also has a few anger management problems. If she worked in a library I think it would be safe to say that you’d never return a book late. There have been better comic book films this year but this is definitely worth a watch when it gets released on dvd.
Twitter Review:
I am the gore!
#GunsGuts&GoodGrief!
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1343727/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqqgrUna28w
Skyfall comes next on my omissions list. Now seeing that the world and most of its relations have seen this by now there are two ways I can handle this. The professional approach that you’ll read in most places that’s informative, enlightening comes with a plethora of astute observations, or there’s the route I’m going to take that will include a trip to cheese city. So without further ado I’d just like to say that the new Q and M are a new “dench mark!” (See what I did there). And whilst I’m on the subject of M, Dame Judi actually drops the F-bomb in this film, which I believe is a first for Bond.
If you take Skyfall at face value it doesn’t work. Before the credits have even rolled he gets shot and loses the hard drive he’s looking for. He goes AWOL, fails to save the girl, loses Silva (played brilliantly by Javier Bardem) and M still dies in the end. Now even by the lowest standards set by any secret service agency, that’s P45 time in anyone’s book.
Daniel Craig has signed on the dotted line to play Bond for at least two more outings and by the time the he hits the screens again in late 2014 as the world’s most famous secret agent he’ll be as old as Roger Moore was when he started playing 007. As long as DC keeps his eyebrows under control I can see no problems with him being offered more chances to kill for Queen and Country.
Twitter Review:
The best Bond of a generation. Ignore the plot and enjoy the action.
#MI6UnderAttack,
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1074638/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kw1UVovByw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StJLvbPIvTw
Next is Frankenweenie, which does exactly what it says on the tin and even throws in an invisible fish for good measure. All you need to know is that it’s a Tim Burton film and if you happen to like his particular bag of tricks, you’ll love this too.
Twitter Review:
Science experiments, monsters, gothic overtones and fantastic animation. Tim Buton remakes his own film into a B-movie classic.
#Black&WhiteGold
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1142977/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2luLW-9ySw
The last film I need to play catch up with is Gambit. A charming film with Colin Firth, Alan “shoot the glass” Rickman and Cameron Diaz. The story revolves around an art curator, played by firth, who’s fed up with having to work for his insufferable, rude and abusive boss, Rickman, and so sets about conning him into buying a fake Monet with the help of an eccentric Texan rodeo rider.
The film which is written by the Coen brothers is part farce and part poor man’s Oceans 11. It never really gets its right with the script and although it does have some great comedy set pieces, it just feels a little flat and underwhelming at times.
Twitter Review:
This could have been a great film but the script needs work.
#Monet’sTiggers&RodeoRiders.
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0404978/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq8LwPHBwtY
Dear reader first let me apologise for the lack of posts over the last two months. I’d like to say that the lack of activity was down to some exotic reason, such as having drafted into the Avengers to fight crime on my forklift or being kidnapped by the head of Disney to work on the new Star Wars script for Episode VII but the truth of the matter is far more boring and mundane.
Flat hunting, moving and then it taking a while to get the internet back up and running.
I know, I Should have gone with the Disney excuse shouldn’t I?
So with the apologies out of the way I’d like to give a quick review each of the films I’ve missed over the last eight weeks or so starting with Dredd 3D.
So where to start? Well firstly let me issue a word of warning….. It’s very violent. However that doesn’t really even begin to tell the story. Saying its violent is like saying Spartacus is a long film, it just doesn’t even come close to describing what has been committed to film here. This is in a different league when it comes to comic book adaptations. Nothing has ever come close to being this visceral and in your face. If ultra-slow motion bullet injuries are your bag or the sight of people being skinned “just for jollies” then this maybe the film you have been waiting for. It also goes without saying that film is not for kids.
Karl Urban has seen his stock rise over the last decade with roles in The Lord Of The Rings, The Bourne Supremacy and the rebooted Star Trek franchise but this is the first time he’s been asked to carry a Hollywood film as the lead. A job he does with ease, spending the entire film basically only acting with his chin (for those not in the know Dredd never and I do mean NEVER takes his helmet off). Lena Headey plays the big bad meanie of the piece, Ma-Ma. She has her own ideas about Neighbourhood watch and the chemicals she likes to use around the house you wouldn’t find any personal grooming products. Ma-Ma also has a few anger management problems. If she worked in a library I think it would be safe to say that you’d never return a book late. There have been better comic book films this year but this is definitely worth a watch when it gets released on dvd.
Twitter Review:
I am the gore!
#GunsGuts&GoodGrief!
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1343727/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqqgrUna28w
Skyfall comes next on my omissions list. Now seeing that the world and most of its relations have seen this by now there are two ways I can handle this. The professional approach that you’ll read in most places that’s informative, enlightening comes with a plethora of astute observations, or there’s the route I’m going to take that will include a trip to cheese city. So without further ado I’d just like to say that the new Q and M are a new “dench mark!” (See what I did there). And whilst I’m on the subject of M, Dame Judi actually drops the F-bomb in this film, which I believe is a first for Bond.
If you take Skyfall at face value it doesn’t work. Before the credits have even rolled he gets shot and loses the hard drive he’s looking for. He goes AWOL, fails to save the girl, loses Silva (played brilliantly by Javier Bardem) and M still dies in the end. Now even by the lowest standards set by any secret service agency, that’s P45 time in anyone’s book.
Daniel Craig has signed on the dotted line to play Bond for at least two more outings and by the time the he hits the screens again in late 2014 as the world’s most famous secret agent he’ll be as old as Roger Moore was when he started playing 007. As long as DC keeps his eyebrows under control I can see no problems with him being offered more chances to kill for Queen and Country.
Twitter Review:
The best Bond of a generation. Ignore the plot and enjoy the action.
#MI6UnderAttack,
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1074638/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kw1UVovByw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StJLvbPIvTw
Next is Frankenweenie, which does exactly what it says on the tin and even throws in an invisible fish for good measure. All you need to know is that it’s a Tim Burton film and if you happen to like his particular bag of tricks, you’ll love this too.
Twitter Review:
Science experiments, monsters, gothic overtones and fantastic animation. Tim Buton remakes his own film into a B-movie classic.
#Black&WhiteGold
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1142977/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2luLW-9ySw
The last film I need to play catch up with is Gambit. A charming film with Colin Firth, Alan “shoot the glass” Rickman and Cameron Diaz. The story revolves around an art curator, played by firth, who’s fed up with having to work for his insufferable, rude and abusive boss, Rickman, and so sets about conning him into buying a fake Monet with the help of an eccentric Texan rodeo rider.
The film which is written by the Coen brothers is part farce and part poor man’s Oceans 11. It never really gets its right with the script and although it does have some great comedy set pieces, it just feels a little flat and underwhelming at times.
Twitter Review:
This could have been a great film but the script needs work.
#Monet’sTiggers&RodeoRiders.
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0404978/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq8LwPHBwtY
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
The Expendables 2
Let me set the scene. Its 2009 and its dawning on Sylvester Stallone that his days of making money from Rambo and Rocky franchises that he has spearheaded for the last thirty years maybe behind him. So what to do next? The answer to that question was a simple one. Put together a cast of action film icons and go make the best “leave your brain at the door” film possible.
So with that as its premise and starting point Stallone went away and put together a film that he also ended up directing, which included Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lungren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke and the terminator himself Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The film became The Expendables and basically it did exactly what it said on the tin. Lots of bang for your buck, an extremely high body count and enough blood on screen to fill about three Olympic size swimming pools.
The film, although never regarded as a classic in the grand scheme of things, made enough money for the studio behind it to start asking questions that went along the lines of “do you fancy making another one?” and “oh go on, pretty please”. Stallone, having recently checked his new and plumped up bank balance, didn’t have any issues putting the band back together and with the exception of Rourke everyone agreed to come back.
Having broken his neck in the first film Stallone and by his own admission, had taken too much on. So he decided to hand the megaphone duties over to the more than capable Simon West.
This freed Stallone up to come up with a screenplay that needed to be bigger and louder than the first. To say that he didn’t disappoint would be something of an understatement but more of that later.
With Rouke bailing on the sequel Stallone needed some new blood to join the party. Firstly he got Liam Hemsworth, who’s the younger brother of Thor for those of you not in the know. Just don’t expect to see him in the third film as and when that gets made (and it will). Then he persuaded the muscles from Brussels to sign on the dotted line. Jean-Claude Van Dam plays against type as the villain of the piece and what a job he does. Happily sending himself up at every available opportunity. The real trump card for this sequel though has to be the inclusion of Chuck Norris, who seemingly never looks like he ages at all. Norris has for a long time had a “legend” tag that he seems to follow him around and is something he appears more than happy to live up too. If you have five minutes to spare I urge you to head over to chucknorrisfacts.com . It’ll keep you amused for hours!
So let’s get back to that to that screenplay that Mr Stallone put together. The premise of the film is that JCVD is about to get his hands on six tonnes of old Russian cold war Plutonium and the CIA can't let that happen! Put simply this screenplay is appalling! It’s so far past bad it’s ridiculous. It doesn’t hold together in any way shape or form and I think the plot may have been asked to go away politely for a while whilst filming was under way. As for the filming itself, it’s preposterous. So full of continuity errors that I stopped counting after twenty minutes and it makes about as much sense as cheese socks.
That said, I LOVED IT!!! Every gloriously ham acted scene, every absurd and over the top death and illogical decision being made. I sat in the cinema for the entire duration of the film with the largest smile on my face. This may well be the first fan fiction film that has ever been green light and could also be the world’s first one star “must see” action film and although they do get far more screen time for this film it seems the only reason Bruce and Arnold were asked to come back was to commit each other’s trade mark catchphrases to celluloid with their tongue’s both fully inserted into their respective cheeks.
Given the fact that this film seems to have come up trumps and at the box office I can only imagine it’s a matter of time before Stallone receives another phone call begging for him to sit down and write another screenplay that pushes the boundaries of thought, perception and human understanding. But the problem he’ll have is this. How do you trump what’s already come before it? How do you make it bigger and better without actually turning up to the White House and saying “would you mind if we actually invaded Canada”?
And then of course there’s the other issue of who can you ask you be in it that hasn’t already been included. Other than Jackie Chan and Steven Segal there’s no other way to top the action cast list that’s already been put together. I would however suggest that if they do have a meeting where they try to come up with which actors to include, they should think outside the box a little just to keep the ideas fresh and original. An action flick that included the likes of Woody Allen, Ronnie Corbett or even Pingu is a film I’d pay to see!
Twitter Review:
Expendables 2 is a crime against film. No plot, no continuity, no point & for those exact reasons you have to go & see it!
#AMustSeeFilm
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764651/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQf3YP8p85I
So with that as its premise and starting point Stallone went away and put together a film that he also ended up directing, which included Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lungren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke and the terminator himself Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The film became The Expendables and basically it did exactly what it said on the tin. Lots of bang for your buck, an extremely high body count and enough blood on screen to fill about three Olympic size swimming pools.
The film, although never regarded as a classic in the grand scheme of things, made enough money for the studio behind it to start asking questions that went along the lines of “do you fancy making another one?” and “oh go on, pretty please”. Stallone, having recently checked his new and plumped up bank balance, didn’t have any issues putting the band back together and with the exception of Rourke everyone agreed to come back.
Having broken his neck in the first film Stallone and by his own admission, had taken too much on. So he decided to hand the megaphone duties over to the more than capable Simon West.
This freed Stallone up to come up with a screenplay that needed to be bigger and louder than the first. To say that he didn’t disappoint would be something of an understatement but more of that later.
With Rouke bailing on the sequel Stallone needed some new blood to join the party. Firstly he got Liam Hemsworth, who’s the younger brother of Thor for those of you not in the know. Just don’t expect to see him in the third film as and when that gets made (and it will). Then he persuaded the muscles from Brussels to sign on the dotted line. Jean-Claude Van Dam plays against type as the villain of the piece and what a job he does. Happily sending himself up at every available opportunity. The real trump card for this sequel though has to be the inclusion of Chuck Norris, who seemingly never looks like he ages at all. Norris has for a long time had a “legend” tag that he seems to follow him around and is something he appears more than happy to live up too. If you have five minutes to spare I urge you to head over to chucknorrisfacts.com . It’ll keep you amused for hours!
So let’s get back to that to that screenplay that Mr Stallone put together. The premise of the film is that JCVD is about to get his hands on six tonnes of old Russian cold war Plutonium and the CIA can't let that happen! Put simply this screenplay is appalling! It’s so far past bad it’s ridiculous. It doesn’t hold together in any way shape or form and I think the plot may have been asked to go away politely for a while whilst filming was under way. As for the filming itself, it’s preposterous. So full of continuity errors that I stopped counting after twenty minutes and it makes about as much sense as cheese socks.
That said, I LOVED IT!!! Every gloriously ham acted scene, every absurd and over the top death and illogical decision being made. I sat in the cinema for the entire duration of the film with the largest smile on my face. This may well be the first fan fiction film that has ever been green light and could also be the world’s first one star “must see” action film and although they do get far more screen time for this film it seems the only reason Bruce and Arnold were asked to come back was to commit each other’s trade mark catchphrases to celluloid with their tongue’s both fully inserted into their respective cheeks.
Given the fact that this film seems to have come up trumps and at the box office I can only imagine it’s a matter of time before Stallone receives another phone call begging for him to sit down and write another screenplay that pushes the boundaries of thought, perception and human understanding. But the problem he’ll have is this. How do you trump what’s already come before it? How do you make it bigger and better without actually turning up to the White House and saying “would you mind if we actually invaded Canada”?
And then of course there’s the other issue of who can you ask you be in it that hasn’t already been included. Other than Jackie Chan and Steven Segal there’s no other way to top the action cast list that’s already been put together. I would however suggest that if they do have a meeting where they try to come up with which actors to include, they should think outside the box a little just to keep the ideas fresh and original. An action flick that included the likes of Woody Allen, Ronnie Corbett or even Pingu is a film I’d pay to see!
Twitter Review:
Expendables 2 is a crime against film. No plot, no continuity, no point & for those exact reasons you have to go & see it!
#AMustSeeFilm
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764651/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQf3YP8p85I
Monday, 3 September 2012
Ted
Ted, Ted, Ted. Where do you start about a film that’s the brain child of Seth MacFarlane. The Man that brought us Family Guy, American Dad! And The Cleveland Show. Well first of all I’ll start by saying that Ted is very much a “Marmite” kind of film. You’re either going to love it or hate it. You’ll find the comedy therein spectacularly funny or you’ll just sit there looking around trying to work out why everyone else is laughing.
The Plot of the film centres around a young boy who gets given a teddy bear for Christmas when he’s eight. The boy in question has no friends and no matter how hard he tries to make new ones his alienation just gets even worse. Then one night he wishes that his Teddy could be alive so he could have someone to talk to and wouldn’t you know it, before Hollywood can say “sign here Mr MacFarlane” and add the appropriate “nights sky shooting star” effect, the bear comes to life.
Shooting forward some twenty seven years we find the boy John Bennett has grown up into a lazy and unmotivated thirty five year old. Played by the greatest living wooden actor since Pinocchio, Mark Wahlberg. The bear, which is voiced by MacFarlane, has in those twenty seven years gone from being the sweet new best buddy, wouldn’t hurt a fly, play time pal, to a foul mouthed, drug taking, beer drinking partner in crime for John. This is something that Johns girlfriend of four years Lori Collins, who is played by one of the Family Guy inner circle Mila Kunis, is starting to get rather annoyed with. Lori is fed up with lack of commitment being shown and after a series of “Ted” related incidents, which include a home full of hookers and some very bad personal hygiene an ultimatum is given.
“It’s me or the Bear!”
Ted does have some great set pieces dotted throughout the film. If you’re a child of the eighties then I think you’ll really enjoy this film. It has some great cameos from Norah Jones and Tom Skerritt. Airplane gets a mention and a doffing of its cap however if you’re a fan of the film Flash Gordon then I can’t recommend you seeing Ted enough. It’s worth the price of admission alone and may go down in history as one of the greatest homages in cinematic history. Another gem to take away from this film is a little ditty entitled “The Thunder Buddy Song”. It’s short on lyrics but high on standing up and facing your fears with regards to extreme weather. Just a quick word of warning though, it’s not really what the pc brigade would call child friendly so I wouldn’t recommend using to subdue anyone below the age of twelve the next time you’re babysitting and the heavens open. Another little added gem that’s been thrown into the mix is Patrick Stewart Narrating at the start and at the end. Very educational and he even mentions Apache Gunships. Now you don’t get that sort of information in Disney films these days.
So where does that leave us. Ted is basically Hollywood falling back and relying on the age old story of “Boy meets ted, ted comes alive, boy and ted grow up together, ted becomes semi famous, boy and ted live together, ted and boy drink too much and get stoned every time there’s a day that ends with a y, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, girl tries to get boy to change his ways, ted has to move out, ted gets a job as a supermarket cashier to pay bills, ted has sex using a parsnip, boy and girl split up, ted is kidnapped by Giovanni Ribisi for his son, hijinks and chases ensue, (spoiler alert) boy wins girl back, (another spoiler alert) boy, girl and ted live happily ever after.
Yes I know what you’re thinking and yes we have seen that done million times before by the Hollywood film industry….. But never with Flash Gordon thrown into the mix!
In closing I’ll go back to the start and say this. Ted is really going to polarise opinions when it comes to its viewers. The only real advice I can offer is this.
If you like the film, then go and see it. If you don’t, then stay at home. Hope that helps…..
Twitter Review:
Talking Teddy Bears, Flash Gordon, The Thunder Buddy Song, Seth MacFarlane & Parsnip Sex. What's not to like!
#NotEveryonesCupOfTea
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1637725/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fbo_pQvU7M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9PnNW56bp0
The Plot of the film centres around a young boy who gets given a teddy bear for Christmas when he’s eight. The boy in question has no friends and no matter how hard he tries to make new ones his alienation just gets even worse. Then one night he wishes that his Teddy could be alive so he could have someone to talk to and wouldn’t you know it, before Hollywood can say “sign here Mr MacFarlane” and add the appropriate “nights sky shooting star” effect, the bear comes to life.
Shooting forward some twenty seven years we find the boy John Bennett has grown up into a lazy and unmotivated thirty five year old. Played by the greatest living wooden actor since Pinocchio, Mark Wahlberg. The bear, which is voiced by MacFarlane, has in those twenty seven years gone from being the sweet new best buddy, wouldn’t hurt a fly, play time pal, to a foul mouthed, drug taking, beer drinking partner in crime for John. This is something that Johns girlfriend of four years Lori Collins, who is played by one of the Family Guy inner circle Mila Kunis, is starting to get rather annoyed with. Lori is fed up with lack of commitment being shown and after a series of “Ted” related incidents, which include a home full of hookers and some very bad personal hygiene an ultimatum is given.
“It’s me or the Bear!”
Ted does have some great set pieces dotted throughout the film. If you’re a child of the eighties then I think you’ll really enjoy this film. It has some great cameos from Norah Jones and Tom Skerritt. Airplane gets a mention and a doffing of its cap however if you’re a fan of the film Flash Gordon then I can’t recommend you seeing Ted enough. It’s worth the price of admission alone and may go down in history as one of the greatest homages in cinematic history. Another gem to take away from this film is a little ditty entitled “The Thunder Buddy Song”. It’s short on lyrics but high on standing up and facing your fears with regards to extreme weather. Just a quick word of warning though, it’s not really what the pc brigade would call child friendly so I wouldn’t recommend using to subdue anyone below the age of twelve the next time you’re babysitting and the heavens open. Another little added gem that’s been thrown into the mix is Patrick Stewart Narrating at the start and at the end. Very educational and he even mentions Apache Gunships. Now you don’t get that sort of information in Disney films these days.
So where does that leave us. Ted is basically Hollywood falling back and relying on the age old story of “Boy meets ted, ted comes alive, boy and ted grow up together, ted becomes semi famous, boy and ted live together, ted and boy drink too much and get stoned every time there’s a day that ends with a y, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, girl tries to get boy to change his ways, ted has to move out, ted gets a job as a supermarket cashier to pay bills, ted has sex using a parsnip, boy and girl split up, ted is kidnapped by Giovanni Ribisi for his son, hijinks and chases ensue, (spoiler alert) boy wins girl back, (another spoiler alert) boy, girl and ted live happily ever after.
Yes I know what you’re thinking and yes we have seen that done million times before by the Hollywood film industry….. But never with Flash Gordon thrown into the mix!
In closing I’ll go back to the start and say this. Ted is really going to polarise opinions when it comes to its viewers. The only real advice I can offer is this.
If you like the film, then go and see it. If you don’t, then stay at home. Hope that helps…..
Twitter Review:
Talking Teddy Bears, Flash Gordon, The Thunder Buddy Song, Seth MacFarlane & Parsnip Sex. What's not to like!
#NotEveryonesCupOfTea
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1637725/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fbo_pQvU7M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9PnNW56bp0
Wednesday, 22 August 2012
The Bourne Legacy
“One pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small and the ones that mother gives you don’t do anything at all”. That, ladies and gentlemen, pretty much encapsulates the entire plot of the Bourne Legacy. However dear reader, as usual, I suspect that you may want more from your film blogs and analysis so I’ll “flesh it out” a bit.
Can’t have you going elsewhere for your film reviews now can I?
After the first three Bourne Films, “Identity, Supremacy and Ultimatum” Universal must have had quite a few meetings that went along the lines of “wow, didn’t we do well” and “I wonder what other dead authors books we can bring to the big screen”. The reason for this glad handing and self-congratulatory patting of backs basically came down to the fact that through either dumb luck or intelligent design they’d come up with an intelligent story arc that not only held up for three films but reinvented the entire genre as well. The other piece of fate that seemed to be smiling on them was that they’d taken an actor in Matt Damon who’d won an Oscar for his screenwriting talents and turned him into not only an action star but a totally believable action star.
The spanner in the works turned up when both Damon and the director of Supremacy and Ultimatum, Paul Greengrass, said they were happy with their lot and didn’t want to make any more. Cue mildly concerned faces at Universal HQ.
The answer to the question of whether to leave well enough alone and move on was answered when Tony Gilroy asked if he could have a crack at the director’s chair if they made another film. Gilroy had earned his stripes with the Bourne franchise whilst writing the screenplays for the three previous films but had never had a Hollywood studio let him loose with the megaphone before. So, when the film was given the green light with Gilroy at the helm in the summer of 2011, it did raise a few eyebrows.
First things first, how best to describe The Bourne Legacy? Is it a sequel, a prequel or a candlestick maker? Well after much deliberation I think the tag that best fits this film would be a “Sidequel” (and if that word catches on remember where you heard it first!) The plot centres around a new hero, Aaron Cross played by Jeremy Renner who through no fault of his own, has just been put on the endangered species list due in no small part to the events that have transpired over the previous trilogy.
The Bourne Identity starts and The Bourne Ultimatum finishes with the hero of the piece in the water and that’s where we also start with Legacy. Having been sent to Alaska for what basically turns out to be a slap across the knuckles, Aaron Cross is on what could only be described as an extreme orienteering jaunt with some survival skills practice thrown in for good measure. Having reached his destination at the back end of beyond, Cross finds himself sharing a cabin with another who’s had “could do better” written on his super secret agent report card.
We are then given a rather complicated back story which goes into some detail about how these characters have become the best of the best. Training will only get you so far it seems and every asset out in the field is required to take blue and green pills to keep them at the top of their game. These pills and their taking them become the plot device for the rest of the film, which I think is a shame. In much the same way that George Lucas decided to make the “Force” a quantifiable and measurable item the last three Star Wars films I think having the main character reliant on pills and chemicals somehow removes some of the wow factor from it. You always want to know how the magician does the trick and pulls off the impossible but once you’ve been shown how it’s done it’s never quite the same.
Back at the cabin things then take a turn for the worse when those pesky CIA types, led by Edward Norton’s Eric Byer send an unmanned drone to blow it up. Realising that something is “amiss” Cross then heads off to find more pills and some answers from his employers. Whilst this is happening we, the viewer, are shown other secret agent getting their comeuppance. It seems that Jason Bourne really knows how to spoil a party!
The other main protagonist of the films is played by another Oscar winner Rachel Weisz (the current Mrs James Bond) but her acting talents are largely wasted here. She spends most of the movie playing a generic “Damsel in distress” and even though she’s given brains and intelligence she’s very rarely allowed to let them out of the box. The other issue here is that Renner and Wise don’t share any screen time together until we’re about an hour into the film. I also got the feeling that it was only going to be a matter of time before Cross uttered the immortal Schwarzenegger line “come with me if you want to live”.
Weisz character is Dr Marta Shearing, who just happens to be responsible for creating the blue and green pills but as luck would have it the closest available source for these “Happy Haribo’s” just happens to be a short plane ride away in the Philippines. Cue some very dodgy disguises and home made passports that wouldn’t look out of place in an amateur dramatics production of Cluedo.
Once they’ve arrived on the other side of the Pacific there are a couple of good action set pieces but they do really leave you wanting more.
I think the main problem with this film is that in order for it to work it needs to be treated on its own merits and values but given the three films that came before it that is never going to happen. The bar was raised to a very high level by its predecessors and no amount of new cast and new direction is ever going to change that. We spend the first fifty minutes of The Bourne Legacy being reminded of Jason Bourne and his films and even though you’ve seen those already you find yourself wanting to watch those instead and not wanting to spend the emotional investment on Legacy. Rachel Weisz’s character has the last line of the film where she says “I was hoping we were lost”. Well I can safely say that I think the viewing audience may well be missing in action.
Twitter Review:
Legacy doesn't raise the bar or offer anything we haven't seen before. Characters come don't develop or snap into focus.
#BourneYourTimeIsUp
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194173/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSzy9qQ3mDE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdtUdEoE-Q4&feature=relmfu
Can’t have you going elsewhere for your film reviews now can I?
After the first three Bourne Films, “Identity, Supremacy and Ultimatum” Universal must have had quite a few meetings that went along the lines of “wow, didn’t we do well” and “I wonder what other dead authors books we can bring to the big screen”. The reason for this glad handing and self-congratulatory patting of backs basically came down to the fact that through either dumb luck or intelligent design they’d come up with an intelligent story arc that not only held up for three films but reinvented the entire genre as well. The other piece of fate that seemed to be smiling on them was that they’d taken an actor in Matt Damon who’d won an Oscar for his screenwriting talents and turned him into not only an action star but a totally believable action star.
The spanner in the works turned up when both Damon and the director of Supremacy and Ultimatum, Paul Greengrass, said they were happy with their lot and didn’t want to make any more. Cue mildly concerned faces at Universal HQ.
The answer to the question of whether to leave well enough alone and move on was answered when Tony Gilroy asked if he could have a crack at the director’s chair if they made another film. Gilroy had earned his stripes with the Bourne franchise whilst writing the screenplays for the three previous films but had never had a Hollywood studio let him loose with the megaphone before. So, when the film was given the green light with Gilroy at the helm in the summer of 2011, it did raise a few eyebrows.
First things first, how best to describe The Bourne Legacy? Is it a sequel, a prequel or a candlestick maker? Well after much deliberation I think the tag that best fits this film would be a “Sidequel” (and if that word catches on remember where you heard it first!) The plot centres around a new hero, Aaron Cross played by Jeremy Renner who through no fault of his own, has just been put on the endangered species list due in no small part to the events that have transpired over the previous trilogy.
The Bourne Identity starts and The Bourne Ultimatum finishes with the hero of the piece in the water and that’s where we also start with Legacy. Having been sent to Alaska for what basically turns out to be a slap across the knuckles, Aaron Cross is on what could only be described as an extreme orienteering jaunt with some survival skills practice thrown in for good measure. Having reached his destination at the back end of beyond, Cross finds himself sharing a cabin with another who’s had “could do better” written on his super secret agent report card.
We are then given a rather complicated back story which goes into some detail about how these characters have become the best of the best. Training will only get you so far it seems and every asset out in the field is required to take blue and green pills to keep them at the top of their game. These pills and their taking them become the plot device for the rest of the film, which I think is a shame. In much the same way that George Lucas decided to make the “Force” a quantifiable and measurable item the last three Star Wars films I think having the main character reliant on pills and chemicals somehow removes some of the wow factor from it. You always want to know how the magician does the trick and pulls off the impossible but once you’ve been shown how it’s done it’s never quite the same.
Back at the cabin things then take a turn for the worse when those pesky CIA types, led by Edward Norton’s Eric Byer send an unmanned drone to blow it up. Realising that something is “amiss” Cross then heads off to find more pills and some answers from his employers. Whilst this is happening we, the viewer, are shown other secret agent getting their comeuppance. It seems that Jason Bourne really knows how to spoil a party!
The other main protagonist of the films is played by another Oscar winner Rachel Weisz (the current Mrs James Bond) but her acting talents are largely wasted here. She spends most of the movie playing a generic “Damsel in distress” and even though she’s given brains and intelligence she’s very rarely allowed to let them out of the box. The other issue here is that Renner and Wise don’t share any screen time together until we’re about an hour into the film. I also got the feeling that it was only going to be a matter of time before Cross uttered the immortal Schwarzenegger line “come with me if you want to live”.
Weisz character is Dr Marta Shearing, who just happens to be responsible for creating the blue and green pills but as luck would have it the closest available source for these “Happy Haribo’s” just happens to be a short plane ride away in the Philippines. Cue some very dodgy disguises and home made passports that wouldn’t look out of place in an amateur dramatics production of Cluedo.
Once they’ve arrived on the other side of the Pacific there are a couple of good action set pieces but they do really leave you wanting more.
I think the main problem with this film is that in order for it to work it needs to be treated on its own merits and values but given the three films that came before it that is never going to happen. The bar was raised to a very high level by its predecessors and no amount of new cast and new direction is ever going to change that. We spend the first fifty minutes of The Bourne Legacy being reminded of Jason Bourne and his films and even though you’ve seen those already you find yourself wanting to watch those instead and not wanting to spend the emotional investment on Legacy. Rachel Weisz’s character has the last line of the film where she says “I was hoping we were lost”. Well I can safely say that I think the viewing audience may well be missing in action.
Twitter Review:
Legacy doesn't raise the bar or offer anything we haven't seen before. Characters come don't develop or snap into focus.
#BourneYourTimeIsUp
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1194173/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSzy9qQ3mDE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdtUdEoE-Q4&feature=relmfu
Thursday, 26 July 2012
The Dark Knight Rises
Are you siting comfortably? Good, then I shall begin.
There was a time, an eight year period, from 1997 to 2005 when anyone working for Warner Brothers would have been hung, drawn & quartered for even daring to whisper one word. A word that was deemed so abhorrent and vulgar that it could have not only dispatched the unlucky someone who uttered it to the unemployment line. It would have also certainly cost them a pound of flesh, their soul and their Blockbuster video membership card. What word could provoke such a harsh reaction I hear you ask? What utterance could have been responsible for having someone publicly shunned, pointed at and HR asking for their desk to be cleared? No not “Belgium”, not even a word spoken by the loose lipped, devil may care hard core types. The sort of people that wouldn’t even think twice about using the word “flange” in conversation would baulk at using this word within earshot of the general populous. This two syllable word was beyond the pale, never to be spoken without first checking over your shoulder and making sure the coast was clear.
The word in question is Batman….
So how did this come to pass? How did we end up with a franchise that had George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman to name but a few had in its last film and it have been regarded as a failure? There are two simple reasons for this a far as I can tell. Firstly it was the only Batman film that failed to recoup its budget at the box office. Secondly and I hope I don’t lose anyone here with terminology or by being too geeky or in depth, it was shit.
Tim Burton’s first Batman outing back in 1999 been seen by most as an “Event” film and Jack Nicolson as the Joker had been inspired casting. The problem was that the bar had been raised and set to a very high standard and the three films that came after just seemed to be progressively inferior from the film it followed. The casting of George Clooney as Bruce Wayne in Batman’s forth film outing had “sure thing” written all over it. He was riding high on the crest of a popularity wave, due in no small part to his success on ER. How could he not pull the job off as the Caped Crusader? Good looks, chiselled jaw and his CV was faultless. How can anyone who’s been asked to commit to celluloid the following line of dialogue “That’s the bravest thing I’ve ever seen a tomato do” (IMDB 1988, look it up) not be right for the part!
However flop it did and with some style. There’s a line from Batman & Robin spoken by Mr Schwarzenegger where he says “A freeze is coming”. It was quite prophetic as it would be nearly a decade before anyone was allowed to take Gotham’s finest out of the fridge.
Credit must go in some small part to the heroic employee of Warner’s who thought that the time could have been right to bring Batman back. It was never going to be an easy sell but thankfully someone bought into the idea. In late 2003 enquiries were made to find a prospective director to reboot the Batman franchise and thankfully a man was found who had an original idea on how to do it. An up and coming British director who had had critical and more importantly I suspect for Warner’s, Box Office success with Memento and Insomnia came up with a premise that had never been dealt with before. Why not make Batman real? Instead of transporting us to his universe why not base him in ours. Ground him in reality and use real cities not sound stages as the backdrop for the story. This stroke of genius was the premise for which the now completed trilogy was based and it worked to perfection.
For those not in the know and to bring everyone up to speed and singing from the same hymn sheet I will give I quick rundown of the first two films and how we got to the start of “The Dark Knight Rises”. The First film, “Batman Begins” Has an English Director, Christopher Nolan. A Welsh Batman, Christian Bale and two Villains played by Irishmen, Liam Neeson and Cillian Murphy. It is what the “Kids on the street” would describe as “Top Banana” and also introduced the world to the coolest Batmobile the silver screen had ever witnessed. The second film again has the same English Director and if you will a “Taffy” Batman but this time they threw in a rather good Australian thespian to play the quintessential bad guy “The Joker”, Heath Ledger. A role that he was so good in that it earned him an posthumous Oscar for best supporting actor. A first for a film based on a comic book and I would speculate an accomplishment that will be a long time in equalling.
The Dark Knight Rises starts eight years after the climactic finale of last film, The Dark Knight and See’s Bruce Wayne as a broken man and a self-exiled recluse. His Alter ego Batman has taken the fall for Harvey “Two Face” Dents crimes, an act that he commits for the greater good and to keep the streets of Gotham safe, Bruce spends his days wandering around the recently rebuilt Wayne Manor with his only contact with the outside world being is his ever faithful butler Alfred, played by Michael “Charlie Croker” Caine. The only other resident of Gotham who is aware of the sacrifices Batman has made is Police Commissioner Gorden, portrayed by Gary Oldman. Gorden is racked with guilt and has had trouble with his conscious keeping this secret covered up. However on the eighth anniversary of Dents death Commissioner Gorden attends a party at Wayne manor where he intends to read a speech he has written revealing the true facts about that fateful night.
This party is where we are given our first glimpse of Selina Kyle, Anne Hathaway. Who’s there with her own personal agenda, theft and from what we are shown she’s very good at it. From the very first to the very last the Cat Burglar steals most of the scene’s she’s in. Although Interestingly Ms Kyle is never referred to as Catwoman by any other character throughout the entire film.
Where do you even start with The Caped Crusader adversary Bane? He has never been the main villain of a Batman film before and only those of you who have read the DC comics would probably even be aware of Banes existence prior to this film. There was always going to be a lot of speculation about how Christopher Nolan was going to top the performance that Heath Ledger gave in the last film. What character was he going to use and who would play them? Most people, myself included had the Riddler down as the next Gotham ASBO friendly citizen. As I mentioned earlier there has always been a sense of realism about these stories and I think The Penguin may just have been the bridge to far. So when Bane was announced as the outlaw that would finish the trilogy off back in early 2011 the next big question was who would play him? The easy thing to do would have been to get someone from The MMA world (Mixed Martial Arts for those not in the know). Someone who already knew how to be physical and has the body to go with it but to Nolans credit he hired an Actor to play the part, Tom Hardy. This was inspired casting. Tom’s Bane is brutal and every equal to Batman mentally and superior to him in strength, agility and hand to hand combat. The First time Batman and Bane encounter each other is in Gotham’s sewers and Bane’s treatment of Batman is both ruthless and ferocious, ending in Batman’s “total” defeat.
Then there’s the voice. Much had been made of the unintelligible voice Bane had when The Dark Knight Rises prologue was released last year, attached to the start of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Work has obviously been done in some form or another as when Bane speaks it’s now clear and with purpose. Not only that but he gets given some imposing dialogue too. “Let the games begin” is spoken as though it’s being delivered at a packed coliseum with its occupants baying for blood.
I won’t give too much of the rest of the story away as there’s no real way to do it without heading over to a little town I know called “spoilerville” but I will say this. The Dark Knight Rises clocks in at an impressive two hours and forty five minutes long but it won’t feel like you’ve been parking your posterior in a cinema seat that long at all. This film is stunning in its action and in its narrative. The set pieces alone are worth the price of admission. Just a quick note to say that if the purse strings allow it this film should be seen on an IMAX screen. Nolan shot over an hour’s worth of footage using IMAX cameras and it shows. It’s the equivalent of HD for the cinema and even though the technology for it has been around nearly forty years, nothing else even comes close to it.
As with most films I do have a few niggles with some of the plot but without going into detail I can’t really justify my arguments here. I will say this though, once you’ve seen the film ask yourself these questions. Why do ALL of Gotham’s Police Force (Including every single officer who’s off duty) conveniently go underground? How does Bane eat and am I the only person who thinks that the ending has similarities to The Avengers???
So where does Batman go from here? Director Christopher Nolan has been quite clear along with several other actors in the series in saying that this is the last film in the Bruce Wayne chronicles and I believe he won’t be back behind the camera in Gotham again. However the previous two films made just south of 1.4 Billion at the box office and The Dark Knight Rises has just had the biggest ever opening for an non 3D film in history at 165 Million. So Warner Brother will not be scared to utter the B-word with their hallowed corridors anytime soon. What form Batman’s return takes, whether it’s in the mooted Justice League film, a reboot or even someone brave enough to try and continue the current story on from where it’s been left, one thing is certain. It won’t be eight years before Bruce Wayne and Batman grace the big screen again….
Twitter review:
Dramatic & Spectacular ending to the Nolan Gotham stories. The most consistent Superhero trilogy committed to film.
#TheDarkKnightRose
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1345836/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GokKUqLcvD8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8evyE9TuYk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk2IteR2QxQ
There was a time, an eight year period, from 1997 to 2005 when anyone working for Warner Brothers would have been hung, drawn & quartered for even daring to whisper one word. A word that was deemed so abhorrent and vulgar that it could have not only dispatched the unlucky someone who uttered it to the unemployment line. It would have also certainly cost them a pound of flesh, their soul and their Blockbuster video membership card. What word could provoke such a harsh reaction I hear you ask? What utterance could have been responsible for having someone publicly shunned, pointed at and HR asking for their desk to be cleared? No not “Belgium”, not even a word spoken by the loose lipped, devil may care hard core types. The sort of people that wouldn’t even think twice about using the word “flange” in conversation would baulk at using this word within earshot of the general populous. This two syllable word was beyond the pale, never to be spoken without first checking over your shoulder and making sure the coast was clear.
The word in question is Batman….
So how did this come to pass? How did we end up with a franchise that had George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman to name but a few had in its last film and it have been regarded as a failure? There are two simple reasons for this a far as I can tell. Firstly it was the only Batman film that failed to recoup its budget at the box office. Secondly and I hope I don’t lose anyone here with terminology or by being too geeky or in depth, it was shit.
Tim Burton’s first Batman outing back in 1999 been seen by most as an “Event” film and Jack Nicolson as the Joker had been inspired casting. The problem was that the bar had been raised and set to a very high standard and the three films that came after just seemed to be progressively inferior from the film it followed. The casting of George Clooney as Bruce Wayne in Batman’s forth film outing had “sure thing” written all over it. He was riding high on the crest of a popularity wave, due in no small part to his success on ER. How could he not pull the job off as the Caped Crusader? Good looks, chiselled jaw and his CV was faultless. How can anyone who’s been asked to commit to celluloid the following line of dialogue “That’s the bravest thing I’ve ever seen a tomato do” (IMDB 1988, look it up) not be right for the part!
However flop it did and with some style. There’s a line from Batman & Robin spoken by Mr Schwarzenegger where he says “A freeze is coming”. It was quite prophetic as it would be nearly a decade before anyone was allowed to take Gotham’s finest out of the fridge.
Credit must go in some small part to the heroic employee of Warner’s who thought that the time could have been right to bring Batman back. It was never going to be an easy sell but thankfully someone bought into the idea. In late 2003 enquiries were made to find a prospective director to reboot the Batman franchise and thankfully a man was found who had an original idea on how to do it. An up and coming British director who had had critical and more importantly I suspect for Warner’s, Box Office success with Memento and Insomnia came up with a premise that had never been dealt with before. Why not make Batman real? Instead of transporting us to his universe why not base him in ours. Ground him in reality and use real cities not sound stages as the backdrop for the story. This stroke of genius was the premise for which the now completed trilogy was based and it worked to perfection.
For those not in the know and to bring everyone up to speed and singing from the same hymn sheet I will give I quick rundown of the first two films and how we got to the start of “The Dark Knight Rises”. The First film, “Batman Begins” Has an English Director, Christopher Nolan. A Welsh Batman, Christian Bale and two Villains played by Irishmen, Liam Neeson and Cillian Murphy. It is what the “Kids on the street” would describe as “Top Banana” and also introduced the world to the coolest Batmobile the silver screen had ever witnessed. The second film again has the same English Director and if you will a “Taffy” Batman but this time they threw in a rather good Australian thespian to play the quintessential bad guy “The Joker”, Heath Ledger. A role that he was so good in that it earned him an posthumous Oscar for best supporting actor. A first for a film based on a comic book and I would speculate an accomplishment that will be a long time in equalling.
The Dark Knight Rises starts eight years after the climactic finale of last film, The Dark Knight and See’s Bruce Wayne as a broken man and a self-exiled recluse. His Alter ego Batman has taken the fall for Harvey “Two Face” Dents crimes, an act that he commits for the greater good and to keep the streets of Gotham safe, Bruce spends his days wandering around the recently rebuilt Wayne Manor with his only contact with the outside world being is his ever faithful butler Alfred, played by Michael “Charlie Croker” Caine. The only other resident of Gotham who is aware of the sacrifices Batman has made is Police Commissioner Gorden, portrayed by Gary Oldman. Gorden is racked with guilt and has had trouble with his conscious keeping this secret covered up. However on the eighth anniversary of Dents death Commissioner Gorden attends a party at Wayne manor where he intends to read a speech he has written revealing the true facts about that fateful night.
This party is where we are given our first glimpse of Selina Kyle, Anne Hathaway. Who’s there with her own personal agenda, theft and from what we are shown she’s very good at it. From the very first to the very last the Cat Burglar steals most of the scene’s she’s in. Although Interestingly Ms Kyle is never referred to as Catwoman by any other character throughout the entire film.
Where do you even start with The Caped Crusader adversary Bane? He has never been the main villain of a Batman film before and only those of you who have read the DC comics would probably even be aware of Banes existence prior to this film. There was always going to be a lot of speculation about how Christopher Nolan was going to top the performance that Heath Ledger gave in the last film. What character was he going to use and who would play them? Most people, myself included had the Riddler down as the next Gotham ASBO friendly citizen. As I mentioned earlier there has always been a sense of realism about these stories and I think The Penguin may just have been the bridge to far. So when Bane was announced as the outlaw that would finish the trilogy off back in early 2011 the next big question was who would play him? The easy thing to do would have been to get someone from The MMA world (Mixed Martial Arts for those not in the know). Someone who already knew how to be physical and has the body to go with it but to Nolans credit he hired an Actor to play the part, Tom Hardy. This was inspired casting. Tom’s Bane is brutal and every equal to Batman mentally and superior to him in strength, agility and hand to hand combat. The First time Batman and Bane encounter each other is in Gotham’s sewers and Bane’s treatment of Batman is both ruthless and ferocious, ending in Batman’s “total” defeat.
Then there’s the voice. Much had been made of the unintelligible voice Bane had when The Dark Knight Rises prologue was released last year, attached to the start of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Work has obviously been done in some form or another as when Bane speaks it’s now clear and with purpose. Not only that but he gets given some imposing dialogue too. “Let the games begin” is spoken as though it’s being delivered at a packed coliseum with its occupants baying for blood.
I won’t give too much of the rest of the story away as there’s no real way to do it without heading over to a little town I know called “spoilerville” but I will say this. The Dark Knight Rises clocks in at an impressive two hours and forty five minutes long but it won’t feel like you’ve been parking your posterior in a cinema seat that long at all. This film is stunning in its action and in its narrative. The set pieces alone are worth the price of admission. Just a quick note to say that if the purse strings allow it this film should be seen on an IMAX screen. Nolan shot over an hour’s worth of footage using IMAX cameras and it shows. It’s the equivalent of HD for the cinema and even though the technology for it has been around nearly forty years, nothing else even comes close to it.
As with most films I do have a few niggles with some of the plot but without going into detail I can’t really justify my arguments here. I will say this though, once you’ve seen the film ask yourself these questions. Why do ALL of Gotham’s Police Force (Including every single officer who’s off duty) conveniently go underground? How does Bane eat and am I the only person who thinks that the ending has similarities to The Avengers???
So where does Batman go from here? Director Christopher Nolan has been quite clear along with several other actors in the series in saying that this is the last film in the Bruce Wayne chronicles and I believe he won’t be back behind the camera in Gotham again. However the previous two films made just south of 1.4 Billion at the box office and The Dark Knight Rises has just had the biggest ever opening for an non 3D film in history at 165 Million. So Warner Brother will not be scared to utter the B-word with their hallowed corridors anytime soon. What form Batman’s return takes, whether it’s in the mooted Justice League film, a reboot or even someone brave enough to try and continue the current story on from where it’s been left, one thing is certain. It won’t be eight years before Bruce Wayne and Batman grace the big screen again….
Twitter review:
Dramatic & Spectacular ending to the Nolan Gotham stories. The most consistent Superhero trilogy committed to film.
#TheDarkKnightRose
Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1345836/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GokKUqLcvD8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8evyE9TuYk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk2IteR2QxQ
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