Doctor Strange







Hello dear reader. So after a brief intermission of about two months, it’s time to write one of those blog thingys and tell you all about a film a watched, whilst in Australia. The being in Australia bit isn’t really that important to the review, but it is worth stating for the record that the film in question didn’t have any extra CGI kangaroos inserted in it. Nor did it have anyone wandering around in the background, wearing those charming hats with corks hanging from them. I’m very happy to report that the film seemed to be unaltered or molested in any way at all and the audience, for the most part, were a nice bunch of Bruce’s and Sheila’s who did not encroach on my viewing pleasure at all. As you can tell from the poster above, the film in question is Marvels Doctor Strange and for those of you who are keeping score, it’s the fourteenth film set in the MCU.

Doctor Sherlock, sorry Strange, is a bit of an odd character. Prior to him becoming a superhero he is a surgeon by trade who is the best in the world at what he does. Couple that with an ego the size of Saturn and an all-encompassing attitude that is two parts ‘superiority complex’, one part ‘money fixes everything’ and a little dash of ‘extrovert’, he does come across as a hard person to like at the start. Things take a bit of a literal left turn for Strange when he crashes his car on the way to an awards dinner, being thrown in his honour. His hands, which are his stock in trade, get broken to the point of almost complete destruction and to cut a long story short, Strange can no longer perform as a surgeon, due to his inability to hold anything, let alone a scalpel, without his hands shaking uncontrollably. This obviously doesn’t go down to well with Strange. His surgical ability was the cornerstone of his powerbase and his happiness. Desperate to be allowed back into the operating theatre, Strange exhausts every avenue, looking for his golden ticket and the means to become whole again. Just as he is about to give up he is told about a patient that had been crippled and then one day waked past the doctor who had been treating him. Strange tracks this patient down and before you can say ‘one way ticket to the Far East please’ he buys a one way ticket to the Far East.
What follows is a fun and visual impressive journey into redemption and realisation that he isn’t the centre of the universe. A journey of discovery that covers the mystic arts, a bit of psychedelia and some alternative dimensions thrown in for good measure. Now to go into the plot any further than that would spoil most of the movie itself. That said, it is, for the most part, an enjoyable watch. There are a few things I would have liked to have seen done differently. Namely, the car crash is a little bit too graphic for my tastes and I suspect it may not be overly popular with parents who take their children to see it either. There’s also problem with the third act. Again, without giving away too much regarding the plot, I will say that Marvel have just reverted to ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it’ and have based the final showdown between Strange and the film’s big bad (more of that later) around a city in peril. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like the setup and execution is always exactly the same but since 2012 Avengers Assemble, there have only been three films in the MCU (Iron Man 3, Ant-Man & Captain America: Civil War) that haven’t had their finale based either in, around or above a majorly populated city. Funnily enough, the director of the next and last (if Hugh Jackman is to be believed) Wolverine film, James Mangold, has stated recently that, with regards to his film, now called Logan; ‘if you’re looking for a gravity defying, city block destroying, cgi fuckathon, this ain’t your movie’.

It is a testament to Kevin Feige and Marvel that their movies have, over the last eight years, garnered the reputation that they have. The fact that, for all intents and purposes, they are ‘just’ comic book movies and as such aren’t likely to win anyone an Oscar or any other notable awards for that matter. The scripts aren’t going to push back the boundaries of acting, nor are they likely to require much in the way of emotional range but that hasn’t stopped people like Benedict Cumberbatch, Tilda Swinton, Chiwetel Ejiofer and Rachel McAdams, who are all Oscar nominees, jumping on board this little celluloid special effects train. And if that wasn’t enough, you can also add Mads ‘Hannibal’ Mikklesen, Benjamin Bratt and Benedict Wong into the mix as well. However, the one acting quota where Doctor Strange does fall down and fall down spectacularly is giving its female characters something to do. Sure, Tilda Swinton plays an important part and helps anchor the movie but as far as I can remember she barely has any interaction with any other female roles, let alone talking to them and Rachel McAdams doesn’t fare much better either. Her character is at best treated like if someone had asked her if she fancied the idea of cameoing in a Marvel movie. I do have high hopes for Brie Larson in 2019’s Captain Marvel and that it won’t just be a token character /performance, stuck in the middle of a testosterone overdose, whilst a passing city succumbs to the ravages of wondering bad guy, but I guess only time will tell…

So I’ll finish off with a few other bits and pieces regarding Doctor Strange that I would like to bring to your attention. Firstly, Benedict Wong plays a character simply called Wong, which is probably just one of those unlucky coincidences but just seems very lazy screenwriting to me. Secondly, if they could actually make it I would happily go on the record and say that the cloak of levitation would be at the top of most people’s Christmas list. Thirdly, the visual effects are spectacular but I couldn’t help thinking that at times it looked like a carbon copy of Inception. Lastly the aforementioned bid bad of the movie is an interdimensional entity that is quite keen on the earth being part of his planet collection. This struck me as a bit odd that and again I’m going from memory here, so forgive me if I’ve got this wrong, but having watched Doctor Strange ‘Dormammu’ would seem to be a far more powerful foe than Thanos and has never even been mentioned, in any prior MCU conversation. Yes I know that the infinity gauntlet and the infinity stones are all heading our way and are expected to arrive in the summer of 2018, in the aptly titled Avengers: Infinity War but what’s the point of spending 8 years and several trips to the local multiplex, building up a baddie and then pull the rug out from under him, with only 18 months before he gets here, with an even more powerful and vengeful antagonist. Oh and spoiler alert, Dormammu survives in Doctor Strange so I have to assume that he we either be conveniently forgotten about, the next time the Avengers hit the big screen or possibly join forces with Mr T in the ultimate quest for Power, Prestige and Pokémon. Benedict Cumberbatch actually plays both Doctor Strange and Dormammu as well. Well I say plays, he had his face scanned and then digitally reproduced. The image was then tweaked, prodded and manipulated within an inch of its life and made to look like a an evil bobble head, who’s body is currently AWOL. Dormammu is also only on the screen for about five minutes. Prior to that the bad guy duties fall squarely on the shoulders of Mads Mikkelsen and this band of not so merry men/women. Which is fine but it left me feeling slightly cheated.

So in closing I’ll say this. 2016 has been a great year for the MCU and a solid improvement on 2015. It started with Captain America: Civil war, which I would have to put in the MCU’s top three best films. Then came Doctor Strange, which does have some problems but let’s be honest here, isn’t nearly as catastrophically bad as a certain ‘Son on Krypton vs Son of Gotham’ movie that I can’t bring myself to mention. Next year we get three, yes three, new members of the MCU to look forward to. Firstly, in April, we have Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 and first impressions of that look great. Then next summer we have Spider-Man: Homecoming, in which we see Tom Holland getting his own movie, fresh from his scene stealing performance in Civil War. However, the film that I’m really looking forward to is Thor: Ragnarok. It’s directed by Taika Waititi and if you don’t know who that is shame on you! Due at the end of next October, it’s another film that seems to have assembled an amazing ensemble cast. Including, Cate Blanchet, Jeff Goldblum, Karl Urban and Sam Neil. Along with the usual suspects of Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Jamie Alexander, Mark Ruffalo, Anthony Hopkins and Idris Elba. Throw in a hammer for good measure and you’ve basically got the ingredients for a movie that will not only knock DC’s Justice League film out of the park. It will (hopefully) be the final nail in the coffin for Zack Snyder’s involvement in their cluttered and messy film franchise…

So go see Doctor Sherlock, sorry Strange. It’s funny, it’s flashy and it’s fashionably repetitive. Not quite a four star movie but it isn’t far off it.

Twitter Review:
2 Benedict’s, 1 Swinton, a Mads & some CGI. Doctor Strange entertains but he needs to work on his bedside manner.
#CloakSoldSeperately      

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1211837/?ref_=nv_sr_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSzx-zryEgM
http://www.empireonline.com/movies/doctor-strange/review/

Suicide Squad



Hello dear reader and welcome to round three of the DCEU.  Now before I get started on a little bit of background information and then the review of the film itself, which tends to me my standard operating procedure, I should warn you that within the literary walls of this blog you could come across words and phrases that may not be a million miles away from sounding similar to cucking frap, shull bit or even botal tollocks. Long story short, there will be some venting here on my part. So those of you who are of a nervous disposition, may I kindly suggest that you calmly and carefully step away from this particular blog and patiently wait for the next one. Which to be honest, given the rate I’m churning these things out at the moment, will probably be at some point within the next ten minutes.  Your cooperation is appreciated…

So Suicide Squad then. Well, when Warner Brothers announced in September of 2014 that they had green lit this film and that David Ayer was on board to write and direct, a lot of people looked up and took notice. Primarily because at this point the world had just to discover how much of a mess Batman v Superman was and also because whatever way you try and spin it or misdirect with smoke and mirrors and ‘big up’ Marvel. They may well have the best superheroes but by jingo, DC have the best villains. David Ayer isn’t a name that a lot of people will have heard of prior to Suicide Squad. His CV has a tendency to always be heading in the right direction but before this year he had never been handed the reins or budget to make a summer tent pole movie. He wrote the screenplay for Training Day, which helped Denzel Washington win an Oscar for best actor and sat in the director’s chair for End of Watch and the Brad Pitt’s tank joyride Fury. He has also, over a fairly short period of time, developed a reputation for being a bit of a maverick when it comes to his ‘process’. Some actors, Jared Leto included, are famous for using the method approach when it comes to performance. Mr. Ayer’s approach seems to combine three parts psychology and one part physical menace. For example, he hired a therapist on Suicide Squad, who was then charged with interviewing the main leads. He gave instruction’s that each interview should last at least three hours and once complete the therapist was to then write a complete physiological break down of their respective mental weaknesses and things that could be used against them on set, so the Ayer could poke and prod his actors at will to get the performance he wanted. And ladies and gentlemen is a level of commitment to the cause you normally only tend to find in serial killers.

So the film had a director, a budget and the means to be something special. All it needed now was a cast. Actors were attached and then dropped out, the most notable of which was Tom Hardy, who couldn’t come and play as it was taking forever to try and kill Leonardo Dicaprio, in North America, whilst trying to avoid CGI bears. However, after a couple of months Ayer had his cast assembled and at first glance it looked like his squad was going to be quite the ensemble. There were a few glaring ‘oh really’ moments, the biggest being Will Smith as Deadshot. Which for those of you who don’t know much about that particular character, he makes Charles Manson look like a Care Bear. However, apart from that one noticeable glitch the rest of the cast seemed, at least on paper like a solid B+. Jai Courtney as Captain Boomerang, Karen Fukuhara as Katana, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Killer Croc, Jay Hernandez as Diablo , Cara Delevingne as The Enchantress and Joel ‘please don’t mention Robocop’ Kinnamn as Rick Flag. Now, whichever way you look at it, that’s a pretty good foundation to build and sculpt a movie around. It has lots of diversity and, you’d think, more than enough experience to drag even the poorest of screenplays, kicking and screaming over the finish line. This is further reinforced when you also throw into the mix, Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn and Jared Leto as The Joker. These two actors are head and shoulders above anything else in Suicide Squad. They are the quintessential focal point of the movie, although they shouldn’t be and could best be described as a twenty first century psychotic Bonnie and Clyde, only more so. Jared Leto’s interpretation of The Joker sees him as man with anger management issues. A conflicted and some would say schizophrenic force of nature with a singular vision and purpose. Margot Robbie plays Quinn as a broken and rebuilt ferocious weapon of mass destruction and between the two of them the steal every scene they are in. It’s a credit to Leto for even taking on the roll in the first place as he had some awfully big shoes to fill. Heath Ledger gave what most would regard, myself included, as the finest performance ever seen in superhero movie. He won an Oscar for it and depending on who and what you’re willing to believe, it may have also killed him. So Leto taking on the mantle of the most notorious green haired bad guy since Orville, can’t have been an easy decision to make.

So, after the disaster and car crash that was Batman v Superman, the question that’s now on everyone’s lips is ‘was Suicide Squad any good?’ Well, as I alluded to at the beginning, it is my sad duty to report that it isn’t. Suicide Squad isn’t so much of a car crash, It’s more a full blown motorway pileup with emergency diversions in place, a couple of local ‘eye in the sky’ helicopters buzzing around it and four thousand traffic cones thrown in for good measure. I genuinely don’t know how Warner Brothers keep putting together such mediocre offerings. It must take a concerted amount of effort to keep being this bad and releasing film that not only fails to deliver on fan expectation but also seem to be a long way short of Marvel seem to be excelling at. If Warner’s lower the bar of expectation any further, then I fear next year’s Wonder Woman film could be D.O.A. and as for the Justice League film that is heading towards us and due for release in November 2017, I will simply say this. “We should take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure”.

Suicide Squad is a mess from start to finish. It also has to be one of the most poorly edited films I can remember seeing in a very long time. The story is so jumbled and incoherent that at times I genuinely had no idea of what was happening and, more importantly, why it was happening. Part of the film is a rescue mission that seems to have been tacked on to the plot and makes about as much sense as cheese socks. The ‘big bad’ of the film is someone you’ll have seen in the trailers but won’t have realised that they are the villain. Jared Leto absolutely shines when he’s on screen but has about as much to do as Andy Murray’s personality coach. One of the Suicide Squad members bites the bullet within fifteen minutes of their introduction on screen. Which I’m assuming is done to show that no one is safe and anything can happen. The only problem with this is that by the time it happens you already have a reasonably good idea that not only anything could happen but short of the Pope having a cameo as an Iranian taxi driver with a comb over wig and playing the trumpet, nothing would surprise you.

For those of you who are interested in the plot. The main premise of Suicide Squad is that a very old witch and her brother have decided to destroy the world, as you do and the government have put together a team of ‘bad guys’ to save the day. The idea being that if they fail it won’t matter and if they are successful the government can claim all the credit. Despite the whole ‘world in danger’ angle, no one else from the DC universe turns up. Batman is obviously doing Batman things in Gotham and Superman is currently ‘unavailable’ but Wonder Woman is also a no show and I can’t say I blame her.

I really wanted to like this film. I’ve spent a long time trying to defend DC and Warner’s but they aren’t making it easy. They seem incapable of offering up anything other than drab, mediocre, second rate, nonsensical, bubble gum cinema that looks good but has absolutely no substance or character driven narrative.  I want more from a company that has access to some of the most iconic comic characters of all time. There are parts of Suicide Squad that are funny and parts that look original and inventive but sadly there are no parts that want to make me sit through it again. Even with the inclusion of cameos from Batman and The Flash. 

Suicide Squad is a mess, and by mess I mean confusing, and by confusing I mean bad, and by bad I mean shambolic, and by shambolic I mean I’ve seen better organised tossed salads, and by seen better organised tossed salads I mean I know people who have been dead over ten years who could have made a better film than this. Long story short; its sully’s the good name of appalling and has some fairly full on dalliances with dire and dreadful for just over it's two hour running time. Now, I’m not saying I could do better but I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do any worse. The tagline line for this film was ‘worst heroes ever’ and you know what, they may have been absolutely right but for completely the wrong reasons.

Twitter Review:

Oh, I’m not gonna kill you. I’m just gonna hurt you. Really really bad…
#Prophetic  

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1386697/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLLQK9la6Go
http://www.empireonline.com/movies/suicide-squad/review/

Finding Dory

Hello dear reader, for my sixth review in just over two weeks I will be tackling a Disney sequel and what I think will be my very first Pixar review. Which is odd when you consider that since I started this little blogging adventure, back in 2012, Pixar have released five films and with the possible exception of The Good Dinosaur, they’ll all been box office hits. That isn’t to say I haven’t watched these releases. Over the last year and a half I have managed to catch up on, thanks in most part to dvd’s and video on demand, Brave, Monsters University and Inside Out. The latter being by far the best of the bunch and definitely worth a look if you ever find yourself at loose end, with an hour and thirty five minutes to kill.

So what is Finding Dory about? Well basically, if you remember Dory in Finding Nemo, you’ll recall she has a bit of a short term memory problem. A lot of people do, myself included and if you remember Dory in Finding Nemo, you’ll recall that she has a bit of a short term memory problem. A lot of people do, myself included. (Sorry, but just be glad I only did it twice) Voiced once again by the very charming Ellen DeGeneres, Dory with the help of some new and old friends sets about trying to find her ‘long lost parents’. Which, just to cut down on any potential confusion, doesn’t mean that Dory’s parents are big and aren’t very good at reading maps. No, it means that they’ve been missing and for a long time. 

Finding Dory is co-directed by Angus Maclane and Andrew Stanton. The latter being responsible for two Pixar heavyweights. Dory’s predecessor Finding Nemo and WALL-E. However, his directorial CV is ever so slightly blemished by the Disney film John Carter. But seeing how it’s now been agreed that no one in polite society is even allowed to bring up this faux pas, he can continue make far superior animated classics without the fear of reprisal or reproach. This is good because Finding Dory is, at least from a visual standpoint, about as good as it’s possible to get, when it comes to computer generated story telling. A quick aside here. There is a short film that called Piper, which I believe is being shown at the start of very screening of Dory. Trust me when I tell you that even though it only runs for about five minutes, it’s worth the price of admission alone.

When you watch Pixar film the one thing you can be guaranteed is quality when it comes to the voices and Finding Dory is no exception. As I mentioned earlier, Dory is voiced by Ellen DeGeneres but the talent doesn’t stop there. Among the other voices on show here you have Albert Brooks returning as Nemo’s father Marlin. Ed O’Neil playing what I could best described as a ‘Special Forces’ octopus. That should really be septopus but you’d need to see the film to know why. Then on top of that you have Diane Keaton, Eugene Levy, the excellent Kate ‘Ghostbusters’ Mckinnon, Bill Hader and Sigourney Weaver playing Sigourney Weaver. Special mentions should also go to Dominic West and Idris Elba, who play seals with personal space issues. And of course John Ratzenberger, who appears in every Pixar movie (don’t believe me, check for yourselves).

So what do you get if you put all of that flair and genius in the same room and let them play for a while? The simple answer is a film that delivers both for adults and for children too. It’s funny, charming and sad when it needs to be and if you like your mild peril to include a fish giving driving instructions to a cephalopod who happens to be behind the wheel of a truck headed for Cleveland, then boy oh boy is Finding Dory the Film for you!

This is, by my standards, a short review but to be honest given Pixar’s track record and excusing their little dinosaur blimp last year, you know exactly what you’re going to get when the sit down in front of one of their movies. You’ll be entertained and taken on a fun journey. There could be some tears along the way but you can be pretty sure that by the time the end credits roll you’ll have thoroughly enjoyed the ride and glad you took the time to watch it.

Twitter Review:
A perfect example of storytelling done well. Funny, captivating & affectionate.
#PixarPerfection

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2277860/?ref_=nv_sr_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JNLwlcPBPI
http://www.empireonline.com/movies/finding-dory/review/

Jason Bourne

Hello dear reader. I’m going to start here with a statement that some of you may find controversial. A statement that some of you may not believe and possibly, a statement that you could just find plain odd. So here it is and please note that I was not under the influence of any mind altering substances, nor did I have a gun point at my head whilst typing.
‘I consider the first three Bourne films, Identity, Supremacy and Ultimatum, to be the best movie trilogy ever made.’ That’s right, I said it. As far as I’m concerned you can keep your Star Wars, Godfathers and Lord of the Rings away from the gold medal plinth, as they have no business being there. I would also like to state for the record that I am also including the Christopher Nolan’s Batman films in that statement and for those of you who know me personally; you’ll understand what a big deal that is.

Now, I do also acknowledge that I doubt there will be many people out there in internet land who agree with me. Not only that but many of you will probably be now thinking about contacting your local social services and demanding to know why this man is allowed out into the community and why he’s been given unsupervised access to a computer. The reason why I think it’s the best is quite simply down to the story arc, characters and its action set pieces. Doug Liman (Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Swingers and Edge of Tomorrow) directed The Bourne Identity and then Paul Greengrass (United 93, Green Zone & Captain Phillips) took over and stepped into the director’s chair for Supremacy and Ultimatum. Between the two of them they managed to create a trilogy that didn’t pull its punches. It made the central character completely believable and stopped short of making him look like a superhero and then there’s the action. In Identity it showed us how to take out an American Embassy, Supremacy included a master class in driving and then, my personal favourite, the shootout in Ultimatum that was filmed in the middle of Waterloo station during a real rush hour with the general public none the wiser. What is also obvious from these three films is that a lot of energy and effort went into making them look and feel believable. Now at the end of Supremacy Mr. Bourne (spoilers ahead) swims away, up the Hudson River to live happily ever after. All loose ends having been neatly taken care of and all bad guys either taken into custody or swiftly dispatched. It’s the perfect three film story arc and yet those horrible little bean counters over at Universal decided that there was still money to be made from the Bourne name and unleashed The Bourne Legacy into the world, back in 2012. Which was a full five years after Supremacy had set sale. Legacy is an odd film. Despite the Bourne prefix, Matt Damon doesn’t appear in it. It goes back into the early mythology to try and justify its plot and it messes around with established facts from the films that came before it. However, it does have a good ensemble cast, which includes Jeremy Renner, Rachel Weisz and Edward Norton but as far as I can tell it was just a money making exercise that didn’t have the story or commitment to back it up.

So this brings us back to 2016. Now, to cut down on any confusion, from now on, I’m going to refer to the character Jason Bourne as ‘JB’ and the film as Jason Bourne, otherwise and to quote Dr Peter Venkman we could end up with ‘Human sacrifice dogs and cats living together and mass hysteria’, before this blog is finished. Why they couldn’t have just carried on utilising Robert Ludlum book titles is beyond me. The Bourne Betrayal was available and would have fitted the premise of the film very nicely but oh no. Let’s keep the character name and the film name exactly the same just so no one gets confused about what’s going on, that’ll work…

Matt Damon had on several previous occasions said that he would be more than happy to come back and play JB again but only if Paul Greengrass was director and the story made sense. Well in the summer 2015 he got his wish and cameras started rolling on what was to be the forth film with JB in it. Now, when I first heard about this film I wasn’t entirely sure that it was a good idea but over the last ten to twelve months or so my resolve weakened and I actually found myself thinking that, as the release date drew closer, I was getting more and more enthusiastic about it. This enthusiasm was reinforced with positive reports from various filming locations and early good word of mouth from film critics, whose opinions I value. So, with a happy disposition and a bounce in my step, I found myself heading off to my local multiplex, very much looking forward to seeing Matt Damon once again playing JB in Jason Bourne. My good mood lasted about thirty minutes.

It is my sad duty to inform you all that in my opinion Jason Bourne is an even bigger let down than Batman v Superman was. It’s just a really dull and lifeless movie. The plot, such that it is, centres on JB’s dad and how JB ends up being in the ‘super-soldier’ program which then also ties into the CIA’s plans to utilise and control a social media to monitor anyone and everyone.  It just seems painting by numbers when it comes to the action as well. There’s nothing new on offer here. We get the obligatory car chase. Been there, done that. Fisty cuffs with several, poorly trained CIA goons and the now almost necessary ‘which passport shall I use today’ shot. Mr. Damon has to contend with only twenty five lines of dialogue throughout the entire two hour film, which unfortunately doesn’t translate into a strong and silent type. It’s more along the lines of mute and moody. Don’t get me wrong; sometimes ‘less is more’ does work really well. Arnold Schwarzenegger only had seventeen words to say in the first Terminator film and that worked perfectly. I can honestly say that for hype versus end result, I don’t think I’ve been this disappointed in a film since Ridley Scott’s Prometheus. As I said before, there’s nothing new on offer here. The end of the film is set in Las Vegas, during which we see JB take on and defeat ‘The Asset’ (another well trained assassin, to those not in the know) and he’s played by Vincent Cassel. 

IF I WANTED TO WATCH MATT DAMON AND VINCENT CASSEL PLAY GOOD GUY VS BAD GUY IN VEGAS, I’D WATCH THE SODING OCEANS 11 FILMS!!!

Jason Bourne also has this year’s best supporting actress Oscar winner, Alica Vikander in it but she is doesn’t really get anything substantial to do. Apart from driving a van around the outskirts of Paddington Station and occasionally winding up CIA Director Robert Dewy, played by Tommy Lee Jones her sole purpose of the entire film seems to be to try and occasionally point the plot back in the right direction. And as for the aforementioned Mr. Jones. He seems to be doing a very passable impression of someone who has a face made out of liquid granite and that really didn’t have anything better to do.

Jason Bourne is a film that I really wanted to like but it’s a mess, pure and simple. I’ve read several reviews over the last week that have all hovered around the four out of five stars mark but honestly I think they must have been watching a completely different film to the one I saw. It’s boring and can apparently induce people into yawning at the drop of a hat. If you liked the first three films and let’s face it, they are like awesome and stuff, then just re-watch one of those instead of spending your hard earned money on something that will only tarnish the memory of a once great franchise.

Twitter Review:
Jason Bourne is about as exciting as switching energy providers & should be avoided if possible.
#JasonBored

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4196776/?ref_=nv_sr_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v71ce1Dqqns
http://www.empireonline.com/movies/jason-bourne/review/

Star Trek Beyond

Hello dear reader, it’s that time again. Yes, do try and contain your excitement but for the fourth time in under a week, its film review time. Or if you must, blog number 58. But before I get into the meat and bones of why you’re all here, I would just like to say a big thank you to everyone who takes the time to read these ever so slightly comical and dare I say it, informative, bloggy things. I do enjoy writing them and as long as that continues and there isn’t anyone out there of the opinion ‘If it blogs, we can kill it’ I will be more than happy, giving my ever so important assessment of what I go and see on the big screen.  

Now, normally I like to start out one of these reviews with a little background on the franchise, the director or even the actors in it. Sometimes all three, but given that there really isn’t that much I could write, that the awesome public (that’s you) don’t already know. So I’ll just give you a few basics to bring you up to speed and refresh the memories a tad. The Captain of the Enterprise is a lovely young man called James and believe it or not, his dad is Thor. His best friend is alien called Spock, who also works on the Enterprise. He has pointy ears that don’t pick up the Freeview Channels and to the best of my knowledge he’s died at least once. There’s a Medical Officer who once tried to kill Jason Bourne, cosplayed as a very violent judge and has also turned up in Middle Earth ridding a very nice horse. The Chief Engineer pretends to be Scottish and has an assistant that once played ALL the Oompa Loompa’s. We also have a very nice Communications Officer that occasionally likes to wear either green make up and hang around with an angry raccoon or blue make up and with a director that once killed Leonardo Dicaprio with an ice cube. Sulu and Checkov (R.I.P.) sit at the front and do all the driving and pointy weapons stuff and anyone seen wearing a red top will almost certainly end up dying before the end credits roll. Oh and of course, when it comes to the Star prefix, Trek is better than Wars. Lights blue touch paper and retires…

So 2016 is the fiftieth anniversary of the Star Trek and all things that ‘boldly go’, which I always think sounds like having to use the toilets at a music festival. Along with Star Trek Beyond there is also a new series in the works called Star Trek Discovery. This is due to hit the screens on CBS and Netflix in early 2017 and will have a twelve episode story arc that is being overseen by Hannibal’s show runner Bryan Fuller. Not much is known about it at the moment but I wouldn’t mind betting that they’ll be splitting infinitives before you know it and getting into more trouble than a Ferengi in an Acquisitions Anonymous meeting. However, I’m getting off the beaten track here. Star Trek Beyond is why you’re all here so without further ado and further distraction I give you my most humble opinion on what will almost certainly go down in history as the greatest Star Trek film released this year.

It’s Okay. Right, thank you for coming and don’t forget to tip your waiter before you leave… 

There is of course a bit more to it than that and simple describing it as okay is a little bit of an injustice to be honest. This is the third movie in what I’m reliably informed is called the Kelvin Timeline. Now, the first two movies have their detractors, for various reasons. The first film basically reset the clock and with the help of some wibbly wobbly timey wimey bits and bobs, effectively made every single Star Trek series and film, which had come before it, redundant. The second film was on a hiding to nothing when they decided to use Khan as the antagonist. Even with ‘swoony swoon’ Benedict Cumberbatch they were never going to recapture the glory of what is widely regarded as the best film in the entire Star Trek series: The Wrath of Khan. So where does that leave Beyond? Well this time around the director’s chair, that was vacated by J.J. Abrams, has been occupied by Mr Fast & Furious himself, Justin Lin and screenplay duties were handed over to Simon Pegg and Doug Jung. Which is a fairly good base to build upon. Although Mr Pegg’s acting choices recently have been a little bit erratic, he does have form when it comes to screenwriting and you can definitely see the comedic touches spread throughout the film. The action is served well with Lin at the helm and he even manages to crow bar in a motorbike and some stunts for Kirk to show off with. Bad guy duties are provided by Idris Elba, who plays Krall and without giving the too many spoilers away he has a history with Starfleet and feels as if has been abandoned by them. There are other notable mentions that should be given to Sofia Boutella, who plays Jaylah. She also has a history with Krall and it’s safe to say that they won’t be exchanging Christmas cards any time soon. Jaylah is a very strong female character. She isn’t written as a damsel in distress or as a hindrance that needs to be rescued every five minutes. In fact at times it’s the complete opposite and the she has to help those pesky men out of trouble. My only complaints with her character are that she doesn’t seem to have any lines with any other members of the female cast and for some reason, not passing understanding, every time Scotty talks to her; he uses the word ‘lassie’. And when I say every time, I do mean every time. I'm not sure if Simon Pegg was trying to set a world record here, when he was writing the screenplay but it did start to grate on me just ever so slightly a lot. Other shout outs (down with the kids) should go to Zachery Quinto’s Spock and Karl Urban’s Bones. They spend quite a bit of the film together and you can see their chemistry on screen. 

To sum up beyond I’d have to say that the third time was indeed a charm and if I’m being honest I think I enjoyed this more than its previous two films that came before it. It’s certainly a lot funnier and seems to have had more care and attention put into it with regards to the big action set pieces. That said, the final showdown between Kirk & Krall has enough issues with gravity to make Sir Isaac Newton weep. There is a nice nod to the original cast and a special ‘we will miss you’ Leonard Nimoy moment that’s worth mention. If rumours and Comic-Con are to be believed film four has already been given the green light and should be hitting our screens at some point over the summer of 2018. J.J. Abrams, who has had a producer hat on for all three of the new Star Trek Films, has given at least two interviews recently where is has stated that he wants to bring Chris Hemsworth back as Kirk’s father and that he will not be recasting the role of Anton Yelchin’s Chekov. However they deal with his untimely death I do hope that it’s done in a respectful way and it isn’t used as some throw away plot point to help push the story along. Star Trek Beyond continues the franchise with a step in the right direction. With a bit more polish and some tidying around the edges it could have been a contender for five stars. It does come up short in a few areas though. Namely, a bit more about Krall and exactly how he finds himself in the position he’s in far more importantly how he looks the way he currently does, would have been nice. My other main problem with Beyond is that the Star Base ‘York Town’ that plays a pivotal role in the plot it seems to have defences that are about as useful as mud flaps on a tortoise.  

With the original Star Trek films it tended to be the even numbered films that were good and the odd numbered that repeatedly missed the mark. With the new films it seems to be the other way around. So I guess we’ll have to wait and see if the next Star Trek film turns out to be as good as The Voyage Home or as bad as The Final Frontier. Phasers set to wait and see…

Twitter Review: 

Star Trek, Spoilers & Space Opera. Idris does dark & moody and Kirk and co do square jawed heroes.

#ThreeIsTheMagicNumber

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2660888/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvq3y8BhZ2s

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/star-trek-beyond/review/

The BFG

Hello dear reader. I need to start with a confession. Well I say confession, it’s more of an admission really, that could possibly cost me some of those all-important ‘fab & groovy’ cool points that I’ve worked so hard on attaining. Growing up I wasn’t what you would call the sharpest knife in the box. I was slow learner, or as some of the more highbrow inteligencia out there would say, a bit of a thicko. Now, I’m not after sympathy or special treatment but I was effectively the poster boy for the ‘me fail English?, that’s umpossible’ club. However, It wasn’t all doom and gloom growing up. I did have good looks and a rather devilish smile to fall back on but from about the age of five till about nine, I didn’t enjoy reading at all. I found it really hard to concentrate and having to read books I didn’t like at school, basically meant I had absolutely no enthusiasm to read in my own spare time. What saved me from the abandoning the printed page came in the form of a small mobile book shop which turned up one sunny morning at my junior school. This was, if memory serves, a customised Luton van with makeshift shelving and a till. The driver of this magical van recommended a particular book as being fun to read and not like any other book I’d ever read. To his credit he was absolutely right on both counts. The book in question was ‘The Warlock of Firetop Mountain’ by Steve Jackson. It’s a fighting fantasy book which, for the uninitiated, means as you read through it, you get to decide what happens next in the story. This book was a revelation to me. Without it books could have ended up just being something other people did. Without that one book and its subsequent butterfly effect, I could have missed out such great literary giants like Douglas Adams, Steven King and Delia Smith. 

Now, back to that all important confession/admission. Between the ages of five and nine, or as I like to call it ‘the wilderness years’ my reading back catalogue was a little thin on the ground. At school we had novels read to us, in a sort of communal Jackanory, with lots more floor cushions and fewer TV cameras but that didn’t really expose me to wide range of authors. I do remember having ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ read to me and its sequel ‘Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator’ but apart from that my only other Roald Dahl dalliance was with ‘George’s Marvellous Medicine’ and that was in no small part down to the one and only Rik Mayall, The. So what I’m trying to tell you all is, that basically, I have never read ‘The BFG’ and if I’m going to be brutally honest with you, I couldn’t have even told you what BFG stood for until my mid-teens. ‘Basil’s Furry Gerbils’ would have been a good guess at the age of twelve. As would ‘Bilingual Flappy Gangsters’ or even ‘Backdoor French Grandpa’s’ but thanks to the passage of time and the wonders of social interaction I now know that its stands for ‘Big Friendly Giant’ and here’s what I thought of the film…      

The film itself has been a story of stop and start. Or should that be start then stop? It’s been in development for over twenty five years in one form or another but it wasn’t until Steven Spielberg, him off E.T. and Saving Private Ryan, came along that things finally stopped stalling and everything fell into place. For those not in the know, which included me up until a couple of days ago, the story centres around a young orphan called Sophie and the relationship she strikes up with a Big Friendly Giant, or what Richard Osman would call a Big Friendly Person. The Giant in question lives in a place called ‘Giant Land’ (it’s not on Google Maps, I’ve checked) and is pretty much shunned and bullied by the other Giants that live there because he won’t eat children. Now, where things get a little interesting here is when said ‘unfriendly child eating Giants’ start popping up and eating children in Britain. The very nerve of it, I know! So Sophie and the Giant pop off to see the Queen and with the her help the and assistance of some generals from the Royal Navy, Army and Royal Air Force (One of which is played by Matt Frewer or Max Headroom as he’s more commonaly known) they come up with a plan to banish all the nasty Giants and live happily ever after. 

And there you have it. Not the most complex of plots and to be honest, it being a Roald Dahl story, it doesn’t need to be. What it is however is a very well-acted and very well made film. The Big Friendly Giant is played a Mark Rylance, who up until last year’s Bridge of Spies, I’d never heard of. He is a stage actor who’s started to make the crossover from mostly stage based work to appearing on a regular basis in films and television. As the Giant he is everything you could want in twenty four foot tall dream catcher. The computer wizardry that brings his performance to the screen is apparently a hybrid of motion capture, developed by WETA and the system that James Cameron used when he was filming actors in Avatar and you can see where the money has been spent. The Giant is completely convincing as a character and from his large ears to his bushy eyebrows he is able to convey emotion and believability effortlessly. The other great thing about this movie is the actress they’ve found to play Sophie. Her name is Ruby Barnhill and not only does she blow everyone else away when she’s on screen, including Rylance himself, she does it with the confidence of one of her peers, who’s been acting for decades. Ruby Barnhill is a name that you need to remember. She is destined for great things and as her age rises and the scope of rolls she’s offered increases, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there is a golden statue waiting for her, somewhere down the line. 

The overall feel of the film and its visual style are what make it a very pleasant experience to watch. When you give quality script, written by the late Melissa Matheson, to someone who is arguably one of the greatest directors in history you do expect the end product to be polished and meticulously well made. The BFG does not disappoint in this regard. Throw in a score from John Williams on top of that and you have a children’s film that in unlikely to be equalled anytime soon. Spielberg’s thirtieth theatrical release proves that is he capable of not only creating great action icons like Indiana Jones and Bruce the shark but that he can also do deliver films driven by emotion and sentiment too. The BFG is going to have a long shelf life and I doubt that any one will be inclined to try and put this Dahl classic on the silver screen again, for a long time.

Twitter Review: 

A young girl, an old Giant and a lot of magical moments. Rylance & Barnhill, A double act with no equal.  

#scrumdiddlyumptious

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3691740/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ0Bey4YUGI

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/bfg/review/

Victoriia

Hello dear reader, yes I’m back again and yes, I know. There was a gap of about two months before yesterday’s post and here I am with my second offering in less than twenty four hours. The reason for this as you probably guessed from the nice and shiny poster above, is all down to a film called Victoria. Now this blog is going to be a first for a couple of reasons. Namely it will be the first time I’ve ever blogged about a film I didn’t watch at the cinema and equally important. It’s a first because I’m really not going to tell you that much about it, for reasons I shall explain shortly. 

Victoria is a film that first came to my attention in February of this year and when I read its premise it instantly went on my must watch list. It was made in the early hours of the 27th of April 2014. Now, when I say made in the early hours of the 27th of April, I do mean the entire film. You see the reason Victoria peaked my interest is simple. It has a running time of 136 minutes or just over two and a quarter hours long if you want it in imperial and it’s all one shot. Now when I say one shot, I mean one shot. There’s not clever editing or special effects, what you watch from beginning to end is one cameraman filming the entire movie. This accomplishment is made more impressive when you realise that the film starts in a night club and by the time it’s concluded we’ve been on the top of apartment blocks, witnessed fights on street corners and also been put right in the middle of a bank robbery. Other films have had long shots in them. Robert Altman’s The Player has an opening shot that lasts over eight and a half minutes and Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity beats that by four minutes but I’ve never seen a film that was entirely just one shot and no edits. 

Victoria has a director that you’re unlikely to have heard of, Sebastian Schipper. Its cast is also small and full of actors you probably won’t have seen anywhere else, although I suspect we will be seeing Laia Costa, who plays Victoria in a lot more over the coming years. Don’t let the fact that this is a film that has probably slipped under your radar put you off watching it. As I said in the beginning I’m not going to elaborate on the plot, more than I already have. I think it’s probably better going into this film without expectation or prior knowledge of what will take place.  All I will say is this. I took three attempts to film Victoria and what we, the paying audience, see is the third take. It’s set in Berlin but is has large parts of English dialogue in it. So much so that it was disqualified for an Academy Award for Best Foreign Language. I sometimes recommend films, in these blogs as being worth a watch but Victoria is the first time I think I’ve ever written that a film should fall into the ‘must watch’ category. As it’s a relatively new film it’s unlikely to be available on Netflix or Amazon Prime yet but when it is, set aside an evening to watch it. It’s nothing short of astonishing. Also, PSA. If you have photo sensitive epilepsy, skip the first two minutes of the film. It won’t impact the story in any way, shape or form. 

One girl. One City. One City. One Take.