Les Miserables

Musical Production Pitch:

Writer: I've got this great idea for a show.
Producer: Go on, I'm listening.
Writer: Well I'd like to make a musical from a novel by the French author Victor Hugo.
Producer: What's the plot.
Writer: Oh, it's amazing. It has French Revolution as its backdrop, it has a thief who becomes a mayor, the police, illegitimate daughters, heartbreak & unrequited love, suicide, loads of other deaths, suffering and a smattering of prostitution...
Producer: Mothership overcrowded was it?
Writer: No honestly, it'll be nothing short of spectacular!
Producer: If you ever go to see a mind reader, make sure you only pay half price.
Writer: But I haven't even told you the best part yet.
Producer: You don't say.
Writer: It'll be a shade under three hours long, we can charge about £100 a ticket and I want to call it The Miserables.
Producer: ....... Why have you come to my planet?

As a premise Les Miserables shouldn’t work. If someone came up to you and tried to get you to spend three hours wasting away your evening on the above proposal you’d either want to go hammered first or seriously contemplate becoming best friends with your new chemical pal Prozac before you even walked out of your own front door. With the possible exception of “Fiddler on the roof” I can’t think of another musical that comes even close to reaching the levels of pain and suffering we see witnessed here.  And yes before anybody says anything, I am fully aware of Stomp!
The problem is that it does work and for the life of me I can’t put my finger on why. All though that said I think the main contributory reason for it being so popular is that it does have the “love conquers all” message plastered all over the last fifteen minutes. I also believe that romance sells, yes I’m sure I read that somewhere and if you throw in the odd good tune it would seem that you’ve pretty much got your own licence to print money. I amazed more people haven’t tried it themselves. The West-end should be packed to the rafters every evening with stories of woe wrapped around a good old Andrew Lloyd Webber tune. (Note to self, work on a musical based around banking at Canary Wharf, which includes liquidations, bankruptcy and the odd overpriced pint. Get Gary Barlow to right the songs and pitch the idea to Simon Cowell. Working title could be “The Isle of Dogs depression” or “Shares, Sex and Suffering”).

Anyway back to the film. Hugh Jackman plays the long suffering hero of the piece, Jean Valjean. At the beginning of the film we discover that he’s currently spending eighteen years in prison for stealing a loaf of broad. Let this be a lesson to everyone, Tesco’s will ALWAYS prosecute shoplifters. Whilst in prison Valjean is only referred to by number, which I shan’t repeat here just in case he becomes the victim of identity theft. He manages to get paroled and promptly breaks the conditions attached to this so he can start a new life and before you can say “hey, aren’t you really Wolverine?” he has become the owner of a factory and the mayor of a local town. The man responsible for releasing Jean Valjean on parole is a Javert, played by Russell Crowe. Now as it turns out little old Javert isn’t overly happy about Valjean disappearing and is more than a little determined to track him down. This determination does border on the obsessive at times and you do wonder if his time could be best used in other endeavours.
It is in the aforementioned factory that we find our next Hollywood A-lister Anne Hathaway. She plays Fantine, a hard working seamstress who tries to keep herself to herself but once word gets out that she is a mother things just go from bad to worse for her and Fantine loses her job. In doing so also loses her ability to send money to the people looking after her daughter.  This lack of money and the love for her daughter forces her to make some very hard decisions, which ultimately lead her towards prostitution. Now for those of you who have haven’t seen the film or are unaware of the plot I won’t ruin the story of Fantine for you but I will say this. Anne Hathaway is a as close to guaranteed as you can get for picking up this year’s best supporting actress.

Now the more eagle eyed readers will have spotted that in that last paragraph I did promise that I wouldn’t reveal what happens to Fantine but having thought about it I have realised that there isn’t any way I can continue with the plot of the film unless I do, so here goes. She dies, pops her clogs, is bereft of life, goes belly up, starts to check out the grass from underneath, finally kicks the oxygen habit or if you want the pc version she becomes living-challenged.
On Fantines deathbed Valjean promises to look after her daughter Cosette as he feels he is partly responsible for her losing her job in the first place. Cosette is being looked after by two very unscrupulous characters Thenardier and his wife. They are both run an Inn together and aren’t interested in anybody’s wellbeing other than their own. The only exception to this would be for their own daughter Eponine. After some serious haggling and negotiating they agree to sell Cosette to Valjean and after another run in with Javert they leave for Paris to try and start a new life together.

Whilst living in Paris Cosette, played by Amanda Seyfried, happens to fall in love with a very charming young man Marius. Now please pay attention as there may be a test at the end. Marius is very keen on change and with his friends they plan to lead an uprising against the oppressive government.  Now Eponine, who just happens to also now be in Paris is head over heels in love Marius but Marius having just met Eponine, is very much in love with her. The uprising that has been a long time in the making doesn’t exactly go to plan. Javert infiltrates their ranks and nearly stops the revolt but before you can say “hey, you’re only seven, how can you tell I’m an imposter?” he gets found out by a seven year old who accuses him of being an imposter and the crowd turn on him. Valjean offers to execute him but once they’re alone he sets Javert free. Now this really messes with Javert’s mind as he’s spent all of this life tracking Valjean down and can’t understand how he could do this. Long story short, Javert kills himself by doing the worst Tom Daley impression you have ever seen off a nearby bridge. All ends well and eventually after a few more plot twists and turn Cosette and Marius get married and live happily ever after.

Now a lot has been made of the singing and the songs in this film and all I will say is this, Hugh Jackman can sing, Anne Hathaway can carry a tune and Russell Crowe was great in the Gladiator. That should tell you everything you need to know about Les Miserables musically.

Oh bugger I’ve just remembered another musical that is a tad heavy when it comes to tugging on the heart strings, Blood Brothers. However unless someone decides to turn the Killing Fields into a musical Les Miserables is and always will be the big boy on the block when it comes to sorrow, grief and misery.
Twitter Review:
Songs, singing and suffering. If mental anguish is what you want on the silver screen then Les Miserables is for you.
#TissueMovie

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1707386/?ref_=sr_1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvzgxKHYFIc
http://lesmiserables-movie.co.uk/