The Desolation Of Smaug

Hello dear reader, a couple of Saturdays before the Yuletide festivities kicked in and certain shops, who will remain nameless, started putting Easter eggs on their shelves I went and saw the new Hobbit film. Now for lots of different reasons I shan't bore you with, including one about a Microsoft windows update that made my keyboard ornamental as opposed to functional and another that centered around me ridding the world of dark chocolate and beer, I have been unable to commit pen to paper or in this case, fingers to keys and jot down what I thought of the film. I will now remedy this alarming oversight with a short, concise and as ever entertaining review of said film.

It starts unusually, not where we left off but with a flash back to Bree and a meeting in the prancing pony about six months before the start of the first film "An Unexpected Journey". This powwow takes place between Magneto & the Vicar of Dibleys hubby, sorry Gandalf and Thorin. They are discussing what to do about the pesky dragon that's taken up residence at Erebor and how, if ever, the dwarves will ever get to go and home. Apparently the metropolitan line just doesn't go that far. During this meeting the Arkenstone is brought up. This unique gem, that either runs on Duracell batteries or Magic (it's never really made clear in the film) will help the dwarves reclaim their home. I’m not sure how it’s supposed to work but I think it’s along the same principles as the "one ring." You know, whoever holds the stone, with great power comes great responsibility, greedo shot first, put your hand against the screen, we're not in Kanas anymore, gas mark 6, he's not the messiah he's a very naughty boy kind of deals. 
It’s during this meeting that it’s decided that a thief will be required to help get this gem back, which is where Bilbo comes in.
Just a quick aside. As and when you watch this film keep your eyes peeled as the very first person you see on screen, doing a splendid impression of bugs bunny, is the one and only director of the piece Peter Jackson. 

The film then takes us back to Bilbo "The Burglar" and this company of twelve dwarves. The bakers dirty dozen of Middle Earth if you will, still heading towards what can only described as the biggest branch of Ernest Jones I've ever seen. 
For those of you who haven't read the Hobbit I can say only this. You need to stop whatever you're doing and fix this literary omission right now. It belongs up there with the classics like Hamlet, A tale of two cities and the majestic George's marvellous medicine. 
For those of you who have you'll know what's coming. This includes (spoiler alert) a bear that's a man, who happens to hate Dwarves but hates Orcs even more. A wood that even Gandalf thinks twice about entering. A necromancer, which as far as I can tell is the equivalent of a Middle Earth Sith Lord. Also on display is Stephen Fry playing the Lord of Laketown. A role he plays to perfection.

This film seems to flow a lot more smoothly than its predecessor. There was a lot of talk, when the announcement came that Peter Jackson was taking a three hundred and thirty'ish page novel and then stretching out over three instalments, that it would make it very thin on the ground when it came to plot and story but with the inclusion of the appendices from other Tolkien books thrown in for good measure Mr Jackson seems to have pulled it off. Even bringing some characters back from The Lord of the Rings trilogy has paid off. It's a credit to the screenplay and its direction that a film that clocks in at two hours and 40 minutes feels like a movie half its length. In fact when the credits started to roll I had to look at my watch to double check the time. 

Now I can and will say that you get a lot more bang for your buck in the way of action with The Desolation of Smaug. There are some truly amazing set pieces here, including an arachnophobics worst nightmare brought to life. Made even more jolting if there happens to be a set of 3D glasses perched across your nose. An escape from the elves in barrels that puts any ride at Chessington World of Adventures or Alton Park to shame and a battle under the mountain that involves one of the biggest games of side and seek you're ever likely to see. 
My biggest issue with the film and I am really “nit picking” here is that Smaug doesn’t really get desolated at all. In fact the film ends with him basically getting the upper hand over everyone. I suspect given the effort that’s been put in to bring him to life, and I’ll be honest here you won’t see a better CGI dragon this side of the trilogies conclusion, Smaug will have a big part to play in the last film “There and Back Again.” This would be a big departure from the book as he kicks the bucket, hops the twig, expires, sleeps with the fishes, has bought the farm, gone belly up and also died about two thirds of the way through the novel. It’s actually Smaugs death causes the fight for the treasure and the battle of the five armies.  In closing I’ll say this. If the first film put you off and you felt disappointed (I know I did) this one redeems the franchise very well and would definitely be worth your time, money and trouble to go and see it.   

Twitter Review:
Smaug plays it smug. Watson plays with his ring and the mountain has more gold than Big Mac has Calories in it
#DragonsBarrels&Burglars

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001392/?ref_=tt_ov_dr
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPVWy1tFXuc