Logan



 

Hello dear reader, well they say all good things come to an end and with a few possible exceptions, which I’ll get to later, Logan marks the end of Hugh Jackman playing the Wolverine and also the last time we will also see Sir Patrick Stewart taking on the mantel of Charles Xavier, or ‘Wheels’ as he’s more affectionately referred to by Mr Pointy Knuckles himself. Back in 2000 Bryan Singer directed what was to be the first of many mutant movies and he set the ball rolling on what has become a very successful franchise. Now, it would be almost unthinkable to try and suggest anyone other than Robert Downey Jr to play Iron Man and the same is true for Logan. Wolverine IS Hugh Jackman and Hugh Jackman IS Wolverine. The two are now permanently linked together and it’s futile to try and think of one without the other. In the same way that Jekyll had his Hyde, Sherlock had his Watson and Ant-Man had his Dec-Man. The Wolverine Jackman combo is now truly set in stone as a pop culture icon that isn’t going to be forgotten about anytime soon. So just think, if it hadn’t have been for a substantial overrun and scheduling conflicts on John Woo’s Mission Impossible II, then the last seventeen years could have looked very different. Yes, though it pains me to say it, if Mr Woo had been able to deliver the aforementioned film on time and on not had to deal with the reshoots Paramount had asked for, then Dougray Scott would have been lighting up the multiplexes across the globe as the man with the mutton chops, spandex suit and a one size fits all tin opener.  And, if you don’t know who he is, it’s probably because he wasn’t able to play Wolverine seventeen years ago and has spent most of the last two decades on the periphery of Hollywood A-list, trying very hard to get in…

So back to Logan. It marks the ninth X-Men movie to date, or tenth if you Include Ryan Reynolds Deadpool and apart from Deadpool, Hugh Jackman has been in, popped up or cameoed in (delete where appropriate) every single one of them. To be fair, he was mentioned in Deadpool and, albeit briefly, Ryan Reynolds does walk around in a Wolverine mask for a while but it would seem that the character of Wolverine is inexplicably linked to all things X-Men and you can’t make a movie about mutants without him.  The good news is that Logan is not like anything that has come before it and although its directed by the same man who directed the last standalone Wolverine film, which by the way was cunningly titled ‘The Wolverine’, James Mangold has taken the film in a completely different direction to its predecessors. This was been widely regarded as a good thing as the common consensus re ‘The Wolverine’ is that it sucked so much it could and indeed should have been called ‘The Dyson’. 

Towards the end of 2016, just as the first trailer for Logan was about to be released, James Mangold tweeted a picture of one of the pages from the Logan screenplay and there, within that one photo, it revealed the tone and direction the movie was set to take. That one page of A4 shows Logan dropping the F-bomb and more importantly, hidden within the exposition there was the following little nugget of information “Basically, if you’re on the make for a hyper choreographed, gravity defying, city-block destroying, CG fuckathon, this ain’t your movie.” So not much of a grey area or wiggle room there then. Thanks to Deadpool and its adult R-rated approach, Logan was going to be allowed to pick up where Wade Wilson had stopped, taking the very violent and foul mouthed baton and running with it at full pelt.

So, what about plot I hear you ask. Well, in its simplest form Logan tells the story of a man who’s worn out. A man who has paid his dues and then some and just wants to live the quiet life, under the radar, not bothering anyone and trying very hard to make sure no one bothers him. Set in the year 2029, we find Charles Xavier being looked after Caliban, played very well by the head shaven Stephen Merchant and Logan working as a limo driver to help pay the bills and medical costs to keep Charles deteriorating mental health and brain quakes under control. In this not so distant future we find a world where new mutants are not being born and the ones that are still alive are being hunted to the point of extinction. Now this causes one of my few niggles with the film Logan. The reason for there not being any new mutants being born is very much one of those ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ explanations. It almost seems like a throwaway line the writers have used to paint themselves back out of the corner they so deftly brushed themselves into. As well as dealing with Charles health problems Logan is having to also negotiate with his own failing health. It would seem that the adamantium that was inserted into his body, all those years ago, has been slowly poisoning him and Logan’s ability to heal has been slowly slipping away. Due to Charles having this brain episodes, which effectively paralyse everyone with the immediate vicinity when they happen, they are having to lay low in a Mexican compound, just south of the border. Everything seems to be going well and then a young girl and her nurse/mother gate crash the story and convince Logan to take them to a safe area, just across the Canadian border.

You may have seen this young girl in the trailers for the film. Clips of her kicking man size butt and basically doing whatever she thinks is necessary to survive have been floating around for a while now.  She is pivotal to the story and without giving too much away she is referred to as X-23.  Now, what isn’t in any of the promotional material you’ll find out there is that there is also an X-24. It’s a credit to all those involved with the making of the film that they managed to keep X-24 well and truly under their hats. It can’t have been easy but the fact that it was such a closely guarded secret meant it was a nice unexpected surprise when it was first revealed on screen.

And there you have it. After three X-Men (the last of which was pants), three Standalone and three wibbly wobbly timey wimey films (the last of which was double pants with cardigan elbow patches on top) both Hugh Jackman and Sir Patrick of the Stewart are done. Both have said that this is the end for them but the good news is I suspect it won’t be the last time we ever see either of these characters on the silver screen. Xavier already has a younger understudy in the form of James McAvoy waiting in the wings and I’m sure they’ll find some way to incorporate him in future X-Men films and lets all be honest here, there will be future X-Men films! Recasting the Wolverine may prove to be a much tougher proposition altogether though. I mean where do you even start?  If it were down to me I’d be calling the respective agents of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Kit Harington or if you’re a fan of long shots, possibly even Gwendoline Christie. Whoever the powers that be chose to replace ‘The Wonder from Down Under’ they will have some awfully large shoes to fill and the task of effectively reinventing the wheel and whoever gets the winning ticket they’ll also need some fairly strong shoulders to deal with the weight of expectation thrust upon them. In closing I’ll say this. It can’t be a coincidence that the bulk of this story is about people wanting to cross borders to give themselves a chance at a better and safer life. It can also not be a coincidence that the main antagonist in Logan is called Donald. But fear not ladies and gentleman, if Logan tells us anything it’s that the future is bright and it’s almost certainly not orange… 

 

Twitter Review:
Logan is the send-off Wolverine needs & deserves. Violent & vicious with just a twist of compassion.
#X-23IsTheMagicNumber

 

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3315342/?ref_=nv_sr_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DekuSxJgpbY
http://www.empireonline.com/movies/logan/review/

John Wick

Hello dear reader, well it’s that time again. It’s time to regale you with a story of retribution, death, violence and cute little puppies. The film in question, as you probably all too aware from the bloody great poster above, is John Wick. It’s a film that takes its aggression and carnage and turns them all the way up to eleven. But before I amuse you with stories of hitmen, hotels and baddy Russians I feel I need to go back a few years and start at the beginning.

Over the last five or six years there has been a growing trend in Hollywood to make revenge movies. Someone in tinsel town obviously realised that that particular cash cow hadn’t been flogged to death yet and after what must have been a very long and in depth meeting (yes, that is the sarcasm claxon you can hear in the background) they’ve been pumping them out ever since. We’ve had Liam Neeson playing Bryan Mills in Taken. A trilogy that should have been stopped after the first movie in my humble opinion. Robert De Niro tried the genre in 2011’s Killer Elite. Sean Penn, or captain grumpy as I like to call him, got his best hand cannon out and went to work in The Gunman. The list goes on and on. Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, Michael Caine in Harry Brown, Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained.  Hell, even the last Fast and Furious movie falls into the revenge melting pot. The point I’m trying to make is that in the same way that Sequels and reboots seem to be in fashion at the moment, I think the revenge franchise is well and truly grabbing onto the bronze medal position with both hands and is very unlikely to let go anytime soon.

So that brings us back to Keanu Reeves in John Wick. Now even by his own admission Mr Reeves isn’t the greatest actor in the world. It’s unlikely that there will be an Oscar statuette adorning his mantelpiece anytime soon but the one thing he is good at is action films. He can phone these kinds of performances in, and some would argue that he does, without breaking too much of a sweat. Where’s the proof I hear you ask after such a malicious accusation? Well your honour I would like the following to be entered into evidence for the prosecution. Point Break, The Matrix Trilogy, Speed and Constantine. Now before any or indeed all of you Bill and Ted fans rise up against me and send the ’69 Dude’ army to wipe me off the face of the planet I would also like to enter the following for defence. My own private Idaho is by far and away the best performance I have ever seen Mr Reeves commit to the silver screen.  It is head and shoulders above anything else he’s ever done. It’s moving and very poignant. I’d also like to say that I personally have nothing against the man and the aforementioned Point Break does, depending on what sort of mood I’m in, make it into my top ten films of all time.

John Wick is the story of a man who falls in love with a woman who he thinks is too good for him given his past actions. A woman who makes him realise that there is more to life than being a professional hitman and then promptly retires from the killing business and settles down for the quiet married life and to live happily ever after. The preverbal spanner in the works comes along in the form of a terminal illness and before you can say ‘don’t die within the first ten minutes of the film’ the wife goes and dies within the first ten minutes of the film. This understandably leaves John Wick very upset and heartbroken. However the wife in question has organised a little gift to be delivered after the funeral so that John is not left alone. The gift turns out to be a puppy and with the cuteness button firmly depressed the film continues to plod along. Now the second and much bigger spanner that then turns up are the nasty Russians I mentioned earlier.  Now these pesky East European rapscallions come across John in an out of town petrol station and with the swagger that comes with thinking you’re untouchable enquire how much John’s beautiful 69 Shelby Mustang would cost to buy. Now Mr Wick tries to inform them to the best of his charming abilities that the car is not for sale, firstly politely and then fairly bluntly. John drives away and believes that he’s never likely to ever see these three annoyances again. Unfortunately for John they find out where he lives and then promptly break into his house after sunset and then set about beating him black and blue, killing the puppy and then stealing his car. This understandably leaves John the wrong side of irked and he then sets about hunting these guys down, who indecently have Lilly Allen’s brother Alfie Allen fresh from Playing ‘Man without penis’ in Game of Thrones, or if you want his real character name ‘Iosef TaraSov’ amongst their ranks and without wishing to go too far into spoiler territory let’s just say that Mr Wick is very good at his job.

John Wicks Reputation as a man that gets the job done has almost attained legendary status. When he was active as a Hitman he was a man that hit hard. A man that didn’t take any unnecessary risks and a gentleman that was so good at his chosen trade that he could well have attained a gold medal if killing had ever made it into the Olympics. This reputation is further fortified by the fact that when the Russian trio that stole John Wicks car take it to the local ‘fence’ garage to get rid of it the gentleman in charge of the garage, once he realises who the car belonged to, punches Mr ‘no willy’ Allen in the face.
John Wick is a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously but that said it does do what it needs to very well. It has a tight and sharp script that almost but not quite dips its toes into the black comedy genre. Its directors Chad Stahelski and David Leitch are both established stunt men and regarded by Hollywood as being the best at what they do. They both have worked with Keanu before, most noticeably on the Matrix trilogy. They know how action scenes should work and more importantly they know how to shoot them. Some on the set pieces in this film are breath taking. There’s a shootout in a night club that is as good, if not better than, the nightclub fire fight that Michael Mann brought us in Collateral. Its action is choreographed properly and almost stylised to perfection. It has martial arts, attitude and a plethora of on screen weapons that are used to dispatch victims in a quick and timely manner including guns, vehicles and even household items.
What John Wick also has is a very good supporting cast. John Leguizamo, Willem Defoe and even Ian ‘Lovejoy’ McShane rocks up as a hotel owner that has a very strict set of house rules. Without taking up too much screen time they underpin the story and help move the narrative on when required.

John Wick is a breath of fresh air when you consider what has come before it. My only niggle is that we here in good old blighty have had to wait the better part of six months for it to arrive on our shores. I’m pretty sure there will be a sequel and I’m pretty sure that as long as Keanu, its directors and screenwriter Derek Kolstad return it will be a film worth watching.
So if you like to plant your flag in the action revenge category and you think that Taken is a good film. Please go and watch John Wick and see how these films should be done properly.

Twitter Review:
‘It’s not what you did son. It’s who you did it to…’
#WreakMyRewengey

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2911666/?ref_=nv_sr_5
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0BMx-qxsP4
http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?FID=139014

300: Rise of an Empire

Hello readers, it's that time again. No, not worrying if you've left it too late to get your body in shape for the beach this summer or why if the universe is indeed infinite we're stuck with Jedward. No it's fun film blog time and the Hollywood distraction that I'm about to set the crosshairs on is 300: Rise of an Empire. 

The film in question, for those not in the know, is the follow up to 300. This was a "swords and sandals" movie released back in 2006 and was adapted and directed by Zack "Man of Steel" Snyder from the graphic novel written by Frank Miller. I will start off by saying I really liked 300. It was a very special effects heavy piece of entertainment that managed to convey the feeling of actually watching a comic strip come to life. It clocks in at just less than two hours long and is perfect way to kill a couple of hours on a wet Sunday afternoon. 
It was also the film that gave Gerrard Butler his immortal and often parodied quote "THIS IS SPARTA!" It also has a long haired Michael Fassbender sounding off about fighting in the shade, which I should point out has nothing to do with spending a Saturday afternoon on Brighton’s seafront on a bank holiday weekend. 

So back to Rise of an Empire. It's a tale that is set before, during and after the events of its predecessor. It follows the Greek admiral Themistocles, played by Australian Sullivan Stapleton and his attempts to thwart the advancing Persian forces, led by the God King Xerxes and leader of his navy Artemisia, played by Rodrigo Santoro and Eva Green respectively.  
Now the main problem I found with this film is it has violence in spades but never really delivers when it comes to passion and emotion. It's almost as if the makers of the film sat around a table and decided that what this film could really use is lots of 3D blood splatters. And after that they played it safe and added some more. If you were so inclined to do so you could sit down in the comfort of your own front room, watch all eight series of Dexter and you still wouldn't even come close to the levels of blood splatter found in the one hundred and two minutes that Rise of an Empire graces the screen.
If the red overload wasn't enough to be going on with there's also a lot off issues to be had with the films physics. Now I know it's not a documentary and it's not supposed to be treated as gospel but there are problems with a couple of the big action set pieces. When the Themistocles led Greek navy first encounters the Persian fleet they enter the fray and charge into battle on what seems to be a very localised tidal wave, which disappears as quickly as it arrives. The other problem I had with it and I'd be more than happy to be proved wrong on his as ancient history isn't my strong point, is that the Greeks seem to have access to flame proof horses. Not only flame proof but horses that seem to have no problem jumping from one sinking ship to the other in the middle of a major aquatic battle. 

What about the plot I hear you ask? Well let’s start with the basics. The plot is at best patchy and at worst is incoherent. This goes back to the heart of this films problems, its lack of passion. Apart from Eva Green who is magnificent as Artemisia you get the feeling that everyone else is just acting by numbers. Lena Headley returns as Queen Gorgo and is underused for an actor of her talents. Headley gets a few key scenes that try to move the story on and also some exposition voice overs that wouldn't be missed if they weren't there. Also returning from the first film is David Wenham as Dilios. His contribution to the story seems like they really didn't know what to do with him. His dialogue is clumsy and as with Headley he is massively underused. I wouldn't have been at all surprised if he'd just been listed in the credits as "Warrior with eye patch."
There are also a couple of key speeches given by Themistocles where you’re left thinking that he has a spin doctor writing for him. No passion, no desire, no point. 
You really get the feeling that some studio pen pusher at Warners gave this film the green light purely down to the bums on seats and financial “Cha-ching” of the first flick. The problem with that is that given the first film is now over seven years old it’s a bit too late to strike whilst the iron is hot and ride on the coattails of its success.

Now it’s time to get controversial folks. Because I had trouble with this film holding my attention, my mind started to wander and by the hour mark that wandering had turned into a full blown ramble.  Every time I heard someone mention Themistocles on screen I kept thinking that it sounded like one of the names that would made it onto the short list when they were trying to name Cillit Bang. It got to the point that every time Thermy popped up on screen the phrase “Hi, I’m Barry Scott” ran from one side of my brain to the other like some unstoppable screen saver, hell bent on making me chuckle whilst I tried to maintain what little dignity I had left underneath my 3D glasses. I mention this not because I want to offend anyone from that part of the world. More to point out how my mind works when it’s not being stimulated properly. Further evidence of this can be given by stating for the record that each time there was a battle scene on the rolling oceans surrounding Greece I kept thinking that any minute now The Village people were going to turn up and burst into a rendition of “In the Navy.”

So in summing up I’ll just say this. 300 entertains and engages, whereas Rise of an Empire is definitely stuck on a sand bank somewhere. I don't know where it all went wrong. At the end of 300 they set up the premise for a great sequel. A battle that's about to involve ten thousand Spartans and the ever advancing Persian forces. That’s the film I wanted them to make. A film with action sequences to rival the battle of helms deep. A film with a script as sharp as the first and a film that doesn't miss fire as much as this one does. 
What I will take away from my time spent watching Rise of an Empire on the big screen is as follows. 
The first ten minutes of the new Captain America film are really good.
Secondly, Godzilla has the potential to blow all of the other summer blockbusters out of the water. 

Twitter Review: 
Rise of the Empire is as wet on land as it on the sea. Nothing close to the sum of its parts and the lifeboats are on standby 
#LostAtSea

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1253863/?ref_=nv_sr_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zqy21Z29ps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3Rzy7YqUVU

12 Years a Slave

Usually these quirky little blogs I write are meant to raise a smile and if I've done my job properly, entertain. They may even on rare occasions commit you, the reader, to the odd chuckle. However what you're about to read will contain no jest, merriment or light hearted fun poked at its actors or subject matter. 12 Years a Slave is not a film to be ridiculed. Nor is it a movie that should have cheap shots fired at it, just to raise a second-rate laugh. This is a serious film that deserves and demands attention. And as I'm sure the Oscars and Baftas are about to prove, it will draw attention to some remarkable acting, writing and directing.

12 Years a Slave tells the real life story of Solomon Northup, played superbly by Chiwetel Ejiofor, and his fight for survival, dignity and ultimately his freedom in a pre-civil war United States.  A free black man who is adducted in upstate New York and then sold into slavery. When the film starts we are introduced to Solomon as a devoted family man. A Father, a husband and a man of many talents including playing music. It is this gift of music that brings him to the attention of two men who enquire about hiring his services while his wife and children are out of town. Things go well at first but Solomon wakes up one morning, after having been plied with liquor the night before, in chains and his long dark journey begins.

The director of 12 Years a Slave, Steve McQueen, in what is only his third Hollywood film, has managed to deliver a raw and powerful film that at times is very hard to watch. The only other film that I can compare it to is Steven Spielberg’s “Schindlers List”. The subject matter for 12 Years is equally as powerful but has the added component of being graphic in what it shows you. There are three scenes that stand out in this regard. Scenes that I found myself wanting to look away from and wait until they were over. I forced myself to watch these images, not because I enjoyed them but I felt I had to. The first of these three takes place the morning after his abduction and it’s where Solomon is beaten, whilst manacled in chains, with a wooden paddle across his back. The camera is placed almost at ground zero the brutality of his is beating is forced directly at you. The second comes the repercussions of Solomon’s actions against a racist worker on a plantation in Louisiana. He has a noose placed around his neck and he is hung from a tree just high enough so that he can only just balance on his toes. This harrowing landscape is made all the more difficult due to his ground his feet can touch is nothing more than soft mud. Again the camera is used to pull the audience in and make you feel what’s being portrayed on the screen. To further the intensity of what you are obligated to observe there is no dialogue, no dramatic score just a single shot of Solomon struggling against the rope. The camera stays on this struggle against gravity longer than anyone will feel comfortable with and that may well be the point for doing so. The third and probably hardest of all to watch is towards the end of the film and comes in the form of Michael Fassbender’s sadistic Edwin Epps. Epps is the owner of a cotton plantation who uses the Bible and scripture as a way of justifying his merciless behaviour towards the slaves that he “owns”. One such slave, Patsy, played by Lupita Noyng’o seems to not only garner more attention from Epps but also has to suffer his all-consuming sexual brutality as well. This ultimately leads to Patsy’s destruction against the post. Being the coward that Epps is, he forces Solomon to start whipping her. Solomon has to reluctantly agree. Not only for his own safety but also for the safety and wellbeing of the other slaves. Solomon tries to inflict as little damage as he can but this only lasts temporarily as Epps takes over and begins to quench his blood lust. What follows is nothing short of harrowing and distressing. The viewer is given a front row seat to Epps violence, strength and ferocity. The screen bleeds red at times and the incisions the leather whip leave upon Patsy’s back leave a scar on the eyes.
Solomon’s salvation comes in the form of a chance meeting with Brad Pitts “Bass” who happens to be under the employ of Epps to help build a rotunda within the grounds of his plantation. Bass, a white man from Canada, believes that all men, regardless of race, creed or culture should be treated as equals. After some soul searching and the realisation that by doing so he could be endangering his own life Bass agrees to inform Solomon’s family in New York of his location so they may send papers down to free him. The film ends with a very emotional reunion with his with wife and children. His daughter, now married, presents with his first grandchild and he then starts the very long healing process towards leading a normal family life….

Along with the aforementioned Chitewel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender and Lupita Noyng’o, whom I suspect will all win Oscars the respective categories that their nominated in, this film also boasts other great actors, some of which aren’t afford much screen time but still leave thinking about their performance long after the film has finished. These include Paul Giamatti playing “Freeman”. An ironic name given that he’s responsible for the selling of slaves onto their respective new owners. Theres also Benedict Cumberbatch playing “Ford”. A plantation owner who actually shows Solomon great kindness at times, protecting him from a lynch mob and also rewarding him with a fiddle after Solomon helps increase working efficiency on Ford’s estate.

Everyone should make the time to watch 12 Years a Slave. Some of you won’t enjoy it and I suspect some of you may not make it through to the end. As I said earlier it is a hard watch at times but what it lacks in subtlety and visual shyness it makes up for as an ensemble piece of film making that is beautifully acted by its entire cast. Its cinematography is also one of 12 years stand out components. That coupled with powerful direction and a screenplay written by John Ridley that doesn’t pull any punches means 12 years will stay with you long after its credits roll and so it should.

Twitter Review:
12 Years a Slave is a hard film to watch but a necessary requirement. Thought provoking and graphic, chilling and bold. Must see.
#Oscars

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2024544/fullcredits?ref_=tt_cl_sm#cast
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUQNjfhlREk

The Expendables 2

Let me set the scene. Its 2009 and its dawning on Sylvester Stallone that his days of making money from Rambo and Rocky franchises that he has spearheaded for the last thirty years maybe behind him. So what to do next? The answer to that question was a simple one. Put together a cast of action film icons and go make the best “leave your brain at the door” film possible.
So with that as its premise and starting point Stallone went away and put together a film that he also ended up directing, which included Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lungren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke and the terminator himself Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The film became The Expendables and basically it did exactly what it said on the tin. Lots of bang for your buck, an extremely high body count and enough blood on screen to fill about three Olympic size swimming pools.

The film, although never regarded as a classic in the grand scheme of things, made enough money for the studio behind it to start asking questions that went along the lines of “do you fancy making another one?” and “oh go on, pretty please”. Stallone, having recently checked his new and plumped up bank balance, didn’t have any issues putting the band back together and with the exception of Rourke everyone agreed to come back.
Having broken his neck in the first film Stallone and by his own admission, had taken too much on. So he decided to hand the megaphone duties over to the more than capable Simon West.
This freed Stallone up to come up with a screenplay that needed to be bigger and louder than the first. To say that he didn’t disappoint would be something of an understatement but more of that later.

With Rouke bailing on the sequel Stallone needed some new blood to join the party. Firstly he got Liam Hemsworth, who’s the younger brother of Thor for those of you not in the know. Just don’t expect to see him in the third film as and when that gets made (and it will). Then he persuaded the muscles from Brussels to sign on the dotted line. Jean-Claude Van Dam plays against type as the villain of the piece and what a job he does. Happily sending himself up at every available opportunity. The real trump card for this sequel though has to be the inclusion of Chuck Norris, who seemingly never looks like he ages at all. Norris has for a long time had a “legend” tag that he seems to follow him around and is something he appears more than happy to live up too. If you have five minutes to spare I urge you to head over to chucknorrisfacts.com . It’ll keep you amused for hours!

So let’s get back to that to that screenplay that Mr Stallone put together. The premise of the film is that JCVD is about to get his hands on six tonnes of old Russian cold war Plutonium and the CIA can't let that happen! Put simply this screenplay is appalling! It’s so far past bad it’s ridiculous. It doesn’t hold together in any way shape or form and I think the plot may have been asked to go away politely for a while whilst filming was under way. As for the filming itself, it’s preposterous. So full of continuity errors that I stopped counting after twenty minutes and it makes about as much sense as cheese socks.
That said, I LOVED IT!!! Every gloriously ham acted scene, every absurd and over the top death and illogical decision being made. I sat in the cinema for the entire duration of the film with the largest smile on my face. This may well be the first fan fiction film that has ever been green light and could also be the world’s first one star “must see” action film and although they do get far more screen time for this film it seems the only reason Bruce and Arnold were asked to come back was to commit each other’s trade mark catchphrases to celluloid with their tongue’s both fully inserted into their respective cheeks.

Given the fact that this film seems to have come up trumps and at the box office I can only imagine it’s a matter of time before Stallone receives another phone call begging for him to sit down and write another screenplay that pushes the boundaries of thought, perception and human understanding. But the problem he’ll have is this. How do you trump what’s already come before it? How do you make it bigger and better without actually turning up to the White House and saying “would you mind if we actually invaded Canada”?
And then of course there’s the other issue of who can you ask you be in it that hasn’t already been included. Other than Jackie Chan and Steven Segal there’s no other way to top the action cast list that’s already been put together. I would however suggest that if they do have a meeting where they try to come up with which actors to include, they should think outside the box a little just to keep the ideas fresh and original. An action flick that included the likes of Woody Allen, Ronnie Corbett or even Pingu is a film I’d pay to see!

Twitter Review:
Expendables 2 is a crime against film. No plot, no continuity, no point & for those exact reasons you have to go & see it!
#AMustSeeFilm

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764651/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQf3YP8p85I