Rogue One

Hello dear reader, quite a while back and in a galaxy that is many many miles away (Note to self: that strap line has potential but needs work, come back to it later), there was a story about a bunch of trouble making space rebels and their plans to stop a ‘rather large’ space station thingy from destroying like everything and stuff. This story was called Star Wars and it ended up making quite a lot of money. So much so that the man behind it, a Mr George ‘Jar Jar’ Lucas decided that he’d like to make some more films. And so began one of the most popular and influential sagas in film history. Directors came, went and came back again, as did the ability to write anything resembling a good screenplay. Actors got older, waistlines fought the eternal good fight against costumes, CGI was added, tweaked and then added some more and then Disney came along and bought up the entire franchise for just over four billion dollars and change. Now, you don’t part with that sort of money and not expect a return on your investment unless your last name is Trump or you happen to be clinically insane, possibly both. So, shortly after the ink had dried on the Lucas Film contract Kathleen Kennedy announced that there would be a Star Wars episode VII, VIII & IV. After this and once the internet had been fixed there was also an announcement that there would be three standalone films, that would also be set in the Star Wars universe. The first of these being the back story about how the Death Star plans were ‘half-inched’ and then passed onto those pesky space rebels I alluded to earlier. So there you have it. Episode VII has been and gone and as sure as night follows day, for the foreseeable future at least, we will be having regular visits and lots of space, Jedi, lightsaber, kill the baddies, my spaceship is cooler than yours, live long a prosper malarkey all set a long time ago in a galaxy far far away….

(I knew I’d nail that strap line if I gave it enough time)

So where to start with Rogue One. Well to begin with I will say it’s a great film but it’s by no means perfect. It does have its problems, some of which I will bring up later but before I get into the whole who, what, why when and where shenanigans I should warn you that there is absolutely no way on this earth, or on Tatooine for that matter, that I can say what needs to be said without drifting heavily into spoiler territory. In fact, I would go so far as to say that not only is it deeply in spoiler territory, it’s in flared wheel arches, twin bore exhausts and blanket on the parcel shelf territory too. So I’m going to assume that if you’re reading this then you’ve already seen Rogue One and you are fully aware of what happens, who it happens to and why they had to pluck a chicken to do it. If you haven’t seen it yet consider yourself warned and enter at your own peril…

So the first ten to fifteen minutes of the film are spent ‘world building’. We the audience get shown a series of different planets, which have all been conveniently labeled with title cards in the bottom corner. Just think Google Maps but on a much bigger scale. We’re introduced to new people and different characters. New good guys and new bad guys. 

Whilst we are planet hoping we are introduced to Lyra and Galen Erso, played by Valene Kane and Mads Mikkelsen respectively. They are the parents of Jyn Erso, a young girl who eventually becomes the hero of our film and who sets her stall out quite firmly under the good guy banner. 

Galen is visited by the Empire, in the form of Director Krennic. Krennic, who is played by one of Australia’s best ‘rent a bad guy’ actors Ben Mendelsohn and basically insists that Galen jumps on board ‘Project: Killer Death Beach Ball’ and during the course of his complex and convoluted negotiations Lyra decides to stop living and Jyn dips her toes in the world of competitive hide and seek. Krennic then leaves with Galen and before you can say ‘secretly working for the bad guys but making sure that I put a HUGE design flaw into the plans I submit’ Galen is working for the bad guys etc etc. Now, one of the reasons I think Rogue One doesn’t have an opening crawl is because this is all basically shown as flashback. Well to be honest it’s all flashback, given that it's set a long time ago but this first section is more flashback than the rest. But because this film has a time jump in it, the start gives you all the back story you really need to be going on with and it probably doesn’t need one.  

When we do jump forward we see Jyn Erso played, very convincingly, by Felicity Jones. We find her stuck in prison for doing something we never get told about but I suspect is very naughty. As she is being transferred, along with other prisoners, a small rebel group attack and set her free and this then sets in motion a very long chain of events that ultimately lead Jyn back to her father and the recovery of the Death Star plans. 

So what do I like about Rogue one? Well to start with it actually feels like a good old fashioned Star Wars film. It is full of great characters including a fantastic droid voiced by Alan Tudyk and an interesting performance from Forrest Whitaker as Saw Gerrera, and if you don’t like that character name Limpy McLimperson or Breathy McBreatherson would also work just as well. Ben Mendelsohn is a great bad buy and without wishing to be too harsh makes Hayden Christensen performances look about as scary as a Jawa armed with ice cream. It’s obvious from the start that a lot of time and effort has gone into trying to make this as good as they could but this now leads me into the ‘don’t like’ portion of my blog. Some of you may see a few of these complaints as completely wrong or just plain old nit picking but they did detract from my enjoyment of watching Rogue One.  

So in no particular order here goes… 

There aren’t any swipe edits.

For an expanded universe all the planets seem to be remarkably close to each other. For example, when the X-Wing fighters are dispatched to take out the Imperial base that Galen and Krennic are on they take about thirty five seconds to arrive.

The Death Star targeting seems to be as erratic and inconsistent as your average Strom Trooper. They manage to wipe out a city on Jedha without any problem at all but when the weapon is fired at the end of the film to stop the plans being uploaded, it misses by about 10 miles. That said I do like the fact that the Death Star seems to have an Eco or Green weapon setting and can be fired at low power. 

Governor Tarkin doesn’t work. It isn’t far off from being convincing but the CGI still isn’t good enough for me. And as for the other computer generated character at the end, well that looked even less realistic, in my humble opinion. 

I miss the 20th Century fanfare at the start. 

No Star Wars fanfare at the start either.

Darth Vader seems to be wearing rose tinted sunglasses, every time he’s on screen. 

Everyone dies.

Rogue One is basically one third chase movie, one third war movie and two thirds bad maths. It’s a solid four star film and I know it comes already burdened with expectation but there is definite room for improvement. The Emperor is mentioned but doesn’t get any screen time. The score from Michael Giacchino is good but it didn’t leave any lasting impression on me and overall I just got the impression that they were trying too hard to keep everyone happy. This is a good start for the standalone series and next we have the Han Solo origin chronicle, arriving at some point 2018. If it’s as good as Rogue One I’ll be happy. As long as he shoots first of course…

Twitter Review:

Strong female lead, a great character ensemble & a very strong effort.

#DoOrDoNotThereIsNoTry 

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Star Trek Beyond

Hello dear reader, it’s that time again. Yes, do try and contain your excitement but for the fourth time in under a week, its film review time. Or if you must, blog number 58. But before I get into the meat and bones of why you’re all here, I would just like to say a big thank you to everyone who takes the time to read these ever so slightly comical and dare I say it, informative, bloggy things. I do enjoy writing them and as long as that continues and there isn’t anyone out there of the opinion ‘If it blogs, we can kill it’ I will be more than happy, giving my ever so important assessment of what I go and see on the big screen.  

Now, normally I like to start out one of these reviews with a little background on the franchise, the director or even the actors in it. Sometimes all three, but given that there really isn’t that much I could write, that the awesome public (that’s you) don’t already know. So I’ll just give you a few basics to bring you up to speed and refresh the memories a tad. The Captain of the Enterprise is a lovely young man called James and believe it or not, his dad is Thor. His best friend is alien called Spock, who also works on the Enterprise. He has pointy ears that don’t pick up the Freeview Channels and to the best of my knowledge he’s died at least once. There’s a Medical Officer who once tried to kill Jason Bourne, cosplayed as a very violent judge and has also turned up in Middle Earth ridding a very nice horse. The Chief Engineer pretends to be Scottish and has an assistant that once played ALL the Oompa Loompa’s. We also have a very nice Communications Officer that occasionally likes to wear either green make up and hang around with an angry raccoon or blue make up and with a director that once killed Leonardo Dicaprio with an ice cube. Sulu and Checkov (R.I.P.) sit at the front and do all the driving and pointy weapons stuff and anyone seen wearing a red top will almost certainly end up dying before the end credits roll. Oh and of course, when it comes to the Star prefix, Trek is better than Wars. Lights blue touch paper and retires…

So 2016 is the fiftieth anniversary of the Star Trek and all things that ‘boldly go’, which I always think sounds like having to use the toilets at a music festival. Along with Star Trek Beyond there is also a new series in the works called Star Trek Discovery. This is due to hit the screens on CBS and Netflix in early 2017 and will have a twelve episode story arc that is being overseen by Hannibal’s show runner Bryan Fuller. Not much is known about it at the moment but I wouldn’t mind betting that they’ll be splitting infinitives before you know it and getting into more trouble than a Ferengi in an Acquisitions Anonymous meeting. However, I’m getting off the beaten track here. Star Trek Beyond is why you’re all here so without further ado and further distraction I give you my most humble opinion on what will almost certainly go down in history as the greatest Star Trek film released this year.

It’s Okay. Right, thank you for coming and don’t forget to tip your waiter before you leave… 

There is of course a bit more to it than that and simple describing it as okay is a little bit of an injustice to be honest. This is the third movie in what I’m reliably informed is called the Kelvin Timeline. Now, the first two movies have their detractors, for various reasons. The first film basically reset the clock and with the help of some wibbly wobbly timey wimey bits and bobs, effectively made every single Star Trek series and film, which had come before it, redundant. The second film was on a hiding to nothing when they decided to use Khan as the antagonist. Even with ‘swoony swoon’ Benedict Cumberbatch they were never going to recapture the glory of what is widely regarded as the best film in the entire Star Trek series: The Wrath of Khan. So where does that leave Beyond? Well this time around the director’s chair, that was vacated by J.J. Abrams, has been occupied by Mr Fast & Furious himself, Justin Lin and screenplay duties were handed over to Simon Pegg and Doug Jung. Which is a fairly good base to build upon. Although Mr Pegg’s acting choices recently have been a little bit erratic, he does have form when it comes to screenwriting and you can definitely see the comedic touches spread throughout the film. The action is served well with Lin at the helm and he even manages to crow bar in a motorbike and some stunts for Kirk to show off with. Bad guy duties are provided by Idris Elba, who plays Krall and without giving the too many spoilers away he has a history with Starfleet and feels as if has been abandoned by them. There are other notable mentions that should be given to Sofia Boutella, who plays Jaylah. She also has a history with Krall and it’s safe to say that they won’t be exchanging Christmas cards any time soon. Jaylah is a very strong female character. She isn’t written as a damsel in distress or as a hindrance that needs to be rescued every five minutes. In fact at times it’s the complete opposite and the she has to help those pesky men out of trouble. My only complaints with her character are that she doesn’t seem to have any lines with any other members of the female cast and for some reason, not passing understanding, every time Scotty talks to her; he uses the word ‘lassie’. And when I say every time, I do mean every time. I'm not sure if Simon Pegg was trying to set a world record here, when he was writing the screenplay but it did start to grate on me just ever so slightly a lot. Other shout outs (down with the kids) should go to Zachery Quinto’s Spock and Karl Urban’s Bones. They spend quite a bit of the film together and you can see their chemistry on screen. 

To sum up beyond I’d have to say that the third time was indeed a charm and if I’m being honest I think I enjoyed this more than its previous two films that came before it. It’s certainly a lot funnier and seems to have had more care and attention put into it with regards to the big action set pieces. That said, the final showdown between Kirk & Krall has enough issues with gravity to make Sir Isaac Newton weep. There is a nice nod to the original cast and a special ‘we will miss you’ Leonard Nimoy moment that’s worth mention. If rumours and Comic-Con are to be believed film four has already been given the green light and should be hitting our screens at some point over the summer of 2018. J.J. Abrams, who has had a producer hat on for all three of the new Star Trek Films, has given at least two interviews recently where is has stated that he wants to bring Chris Hemsworth back as Kirk’s father and that he will not be recasting the role of Anton Yelchin’s Chekov. However they deal with his untimely death I do hope that it’s done in a respectful way and it isn’t used as some throw away plot point to help push the story along. Star Trek Beyond continues the franchise with a step in the right direction. With a bit more polish and some tidying around the edges it could have been a contender for five stars. It does come up short in a few areas though. Namely, a bit more about Krall and exactly how he finds himself in the position he’s in far more importantly how he looks the way he currently does, would have been nice. My other main problem with Beyond is that the Star Base ‘York Town’ that plays a pivotal role in the plot it seems to have defences that are about as useful as mud flaps on a tortoise.  

With the original Star Trek films it tended to be the even numbered films that were good and the odd numbered that repeatedly missed the mark. With the new films it seems to be the other way around. So I guess we’ll have to wait and see if the next Star Trek film turns out to be as good as The Voyage Home or as bad as The Final Frontier. Phasers set to wait and see…

Twitter Review: 

Star Trek, Spoilers & Space Opera. Idris does dark & moody and Kirk and co do square jawed heroes.

#ThreeIsTheMagicNumber

Useful Links:

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Captain America: Civil War

Hello dear reader. Well they’ve gone and done and it again. Those annoying types over at ‘Team Marvel’, with Kevin Fiege at the helm have released another one of those pesky superhero movie things. And much to my bloody annoyance, (Hashtag Team DC), it has, to quote George Formby, turned out nice again. The film in question is of course Captain America: Civil War and it without wishing to cry over my keyboard too much, it shows perfectly well how to make a movie that lasts the better part of two and a half hours, filled with more characters than you’d usually find on the average page of a Where’s Wally book, which is then also coherent and fun to watch. 

Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.  Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.  Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of…

Capatian America as a character works. He’s one of only a handful of superheroes from the Marvel stable that have made it to three standalone films. The others, of course, being Iron Man and Thor (Ragnarok 2017). He’s not quite truth, justice and the American way, mostly because the current American way seems to be the polar opposite of his own moral compass but If you have a problem, if no one else can help and The A-Team aren’t available (and of course you happened to live in the MCU), chances are he’d offer to help. Assuming of course he wasn’t previously engaged in say, jumping out of a plane without a parachute, fighting 13 squillion people in a glass elevator or doing the world’s greatest impression of an ice lolly, just north of Castle Black. 

One of the main reasons that ‘old cappy’ works is down mostly down to three people. The first is Joss Whedon, who took the less than stellar origin story and built the character into a believable and credible human being in the first Avengers film. The second and third people responsible for making Cap an ‘A lister’ are the brothers Anthony and Joe Russo. Rumour has it that Mr Fiege was so impressed with their directorial MCU debut, Winter Soldier (Captain America 2, to the uninitiated) that he green light them to direct Civil War and also both parts of the upcoming Avengers: Infinity Wars. (Coming to a cinema screen near you in the summer of 2018 and then 2019). These two films will be the culmination of everything that has come before. Phases one, two and now three, will all be hanging their respective hopes on the ever so crowed shelf, that and also keeping their fingers crossed that the shelf in question doesn’t give way under the weight of expectation. To give you some idea of the task at hand, pretty much every MCU bod and their official hangeroners (excluding those of course that have popped their clogs and snuffed it, ex-parrot like) will be making an appearance over the course of these two movies. Thanos, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Loki, Hulk and Mr Bun the Baker are all scheduled to appear. Which is long way of saying that, by comparison Civil War is basically like watching a hermit convention.

So without wishing to channel my inner Baldrick too much, I give you the following.

‘The thing is: The way I see it, these days there's a film on? and, ages ago, there wasn't a film on, right? So, there must have been a moment when there not being a film on went away, right? and there being a film on came along. So, what I want to know is: How did we get from the one case of affairs to the other case of affairs?’ 

Or to put it another way, how did Civil War make it to the big screen?

Well as I mentioned earlier, the Russo brothers were handed the reins for 2014’s Winter Soldier. Marvel have a habit of picking from the outer rim of expectation when it comes to choosing directors. James Gunn for Guardians of the Galaxy, John Favreau for the first two Iron Man films and of course Kenneth Branagh for Thor. The biggest hit the Russo’s had had prior to Winter Soldier was with the schmaltz fest ‘You , me and Dupree’ and just over a dozen episodes of Community. However they pretty much knocked it out of the park and ticked all the boxes they were asked to. No mean feat considering that one of those boxes was to turn Robert Redford into a credible villain (sorry, there should have been a spoiler alert in there somewhere). They teamed up again with the same screenwriters as before, Christopher Marcus and Stephen Mcfeely and, as I alluded to earlier, have delivered the longest MCU film to date and at the same time a film, that in my not at all biased DC opinion, can quiet easily sit up and hold its own in the best three Marvel films ever made. 

Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice etc…

Now, as for that all important plot, it’s not that complicated and is basically as follows. The world’s governments and assorted leaders are starting to get just ever so slightly annoyed with the collateral damage and clean-up operation that is normally bestowed upon them after a visit from a passing superhero, or in most cases, superheroes. The cost, not only financial but physical too, is starting to take its toll and it’s decided that there needs to be some accountability for this. So before you can say ‘sign on the dotted line’ a document the size of a telephone directory is thrust in front of any and all ‘do-gooders’ that have a costume clause in there ‘we will only help humanity if…’ contract.  

Now as you can imagine this does not go down well with some and is what effectively causes the so called Civil War. Just a quick note here. When I first heard that this was the basic premise for the plot I had kind assumed, wrongly as it turns out, that It would be Captain America that was all for this and that free thinking, doesn’t like to play by the rules, Tony Stark (or is that Stank?) that would be dead set against it. However that’s not how the film plays out at all. I haven’t read the Comic Book series in which this film is based upon but I’d be very interested to find out how much it has been altered, to bring it to the big screen. 

So there you have it. Team Tony, including Vision, Black Widow and Spider-Man (more on him later) are happy to sign but Team Cappy, who include Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye and assorted others are shall we say, not overly keen to put their John Hancock’s on this document. Primarily because it would relinquish their ability to choose who to help and when and they’d be under the control of an organisation. And as Cap says, Organisations have agendas and agendas can change.  

As well as the more familiar faces returning here there are also a couple of new ones. Firstly we have Chadwick Boseman’s T’Challa or as he’s more communally known, Black Panther. Now he has an interesting back story which borders on, or at least parks very close to, spoiler territory. His Character is set for his own film, which is currently set to hit the silver screen at some point in July of 2018 and I myself am looking forward to what direction it ends up taking. Again I can’t get into the meat and bones of the character too much without giving away Civil War plot details but I will say he spends most of the film hell bent on revenge. Annoyingly though he never starts any of his conversations with the sentence ‘I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand? 

However, the real star of the show is Spider-Man. Now, this is only possible because at some point back towards the tail end of 2014, either Andrew Garfield threw his rattle out of the pram and walked away from the rebooted ‘Amazing Spiderman’ franchise or the bean counters over at Sony Films decided that there weren’t enough bums on seats and merchandise being sold to continue it as a viable proposition. The exact reason for mothballing ‘Spidey’ will probably never come to light but Kevin Feige, being a clever old soul, set up a meeting with Sony to see if they’d be willing to let him use the webcrawler in his MCU. After the dust settled and the obligatory sacrifices to the gods had been made Sony & Marvel agreed that it would be in everyone’s best interests to put Peter Parker back on the big screen and do it quickly. Long story short it was announced that Spider-Mans first MCU appearance would be in Civil War and the only small issue to overcome, was to actually cast someone for the roll. Again, depending on which parts of deepest darkest corners of the internet you’re prepared to believe, the shortlist for auditions had three names on it and all three actors had to complete a screen test with Robert Downey Jr & Chris Evans. 

Tom Holland ending up landing the roll and I have to say, it seems like the right choice. Tom is currently nineteen and given that the screenwriters have forgone the origin story that seems to be obligatory in any and all superhero films, he’s at the perfect age to play Peter Parker whilst he’s still in high school. He’s funny and intelligent and by the time Tony Stark tracks him down he’s already been out and about, swinging through the Manhattan skyline for the better part of six months. I’m not sure if it’s just Peter Parker being catastrophically naïve or not having the life experience to know any better but when Tony Stark asks him to join him to fight the good fight and help show ‘Team Cap’ the error of their ways, he jumps at the chance. Of course Stark telling him he’ll fund him for basically the best part of forever, does help sweeten the deal too. Tom Holland doesn’t so much steal this movie, he commits grand larceny. He is the stand out performance in a film that isn’t exactly shy when it comes to actors that ‘know their shit’. He will be back in the Spidey suit next year for what Marvel have cheekily called ‘Spider-Man: homecoming’ and I for one can’t wait.

Another quick little tangent here, if you’ll permit me. Most of you British types of a certain age, or should that be a certain generation (far more PC) will probably be interested to know that Tom’s father, is in fact Dominic Holland. Now, that name might not mean much to you but I’m pretty sure in you Googled the name and saw his picture, you would all say ‘Oh, Him!’ 

Captain America: Civil War is an absolute blast. From its beginnings to its closing credits, it does exactly what a blockbuster film is supposed to do. It entertains and reminds you that when movies are done well, the cinema can be a great place to while away and afternoon or evening. It has some of the best action sequences that Marvel have ever offered us, including a visually stunning fight sequence in an airport, that’s worth the price of admission on its own. It certainly doesn’t take itself too seriously and the script is full of humor and intelligence, which given some of the subject matter that comes up, definitely puts this film very much in the win column. The next MCU Film that’s lurching just over the horizon is Doctor Strange. That’s due to it land at the end of October this year and apart from Benedict Cumberbatch’s ridiculous false beard, the trailer looks very impressive. So in closing I will say this. Go and see Civil War, you’ll be glad you did. As always, make sure you stay and watch the credits. There’s a mid-credit sting and one at the very end and remember these films aren’t the be all and end of movie making. There never going to be considered high-brow or worthy of winning the best film Oscar. I’ve said before that I believe there is a real danger that at some point soon, especially as DC & Warner’s are now squarely affixed to the bandwagon, we will hit the Superhero event horizon and people will just get tired from an oversaturated market and stop going to see them. However, until that day comes, get your bottom down to your nearest multiplex pronto quick and watch Civil War. You’ll be really glad you did…

Twitter Review: Marvel at Marvel doing that voodoo that they do so well. 

#WithGreatPowerComesGreatResponsibility 

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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Hello dear reader. Is it a bird, is it a plane, no!, it’s a Hollywood studio and DC Comics trying to launch a film franchise eight years after the other team (who shall not be named, boo hiss) started their little foray into the world of silver screen spandex and all things Superhero. 

I am of course referring to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Now to say this is the start for Warner Brothers and DC is a little unfair. They did of course bring us Man of Steel back in 2013. Directed by Zack Snyder, it was a complete reboot of the Superman cannon, at least when it came to film and had British born Henry Cavill donning the big red cape. It did a reasonable amount of business, which is good, because if it hadn’t then we wouldn’t find ourselves, looking out over a Warner Brother’s film schedule that is now set in stone until the beginning of 2020. Indeed, assuming nothing changes and we don’t reach the Superhero event horizon anytime soon, Warner’s and DC have close to a dozen films just waiting to be given the green light. To say nothing of the boo hiss brigade, over there in smelly town. (DC fan boy and damn proud of it!) 

Man of Steel hit the screens in June of 2013 and at that years San Diego Comic Con, which ran from July the 18th through to the 21st, Warner’s hired out the infamous Hall ‘H’ for an one of those ‘dress casual, we hope you can make, we’d love to see’ kind of afternoon sessions. No one really knew what they were going to trumpet or promote for that matter. And it’s safe to say that there wouldn’t have been many cosplayers, fans or even press, that were prepared for what was about to be announced. Zack Snyder took to the stage and with less than four weeks under its belt, confidently proclaimed that there would be a sequel to the Man of Steel. And although the script had not even been started, he was sure of the direction he wanted to take it and the story he wanted to tell. Then the big S Superman logo filled the screen behind, which was promptly followed by a lot of cheering and whooping, and then it happened. A Batman logo appeared behind the S and it’s safe to say that for a good thirty seconds or so, Hall H went a little bonkers conkers. Then of course, once the initial impact had started to ebb away, everyone started to speculate about who Warner’s And DC were going to get to don the cowl and play the dual role of Bruce Wayne and Batman. Christian Bale had left some pretty big shoes to fill, in no small part down to Christopher and Jonathan Nolan. And whoever they decided on, they needed to get it right. Names were banded around and shortlists were drawn up and on August the 22nd, 2013, there was an official press release. A press release that at the time seemed to be a ‘little bit’ controversial. In the same way that the moon is a ‘little bit’ of a long walk. Many had hoped that Mr Bale could be coaxed back to the part, and if ye olde internet is to be believed, there was an awful lot of money thrown in his direction, to try and make that happen. But no, Sir Ben of the Affleck had landed the role of the caped crusader and it was safe to say he was not a popular choice. 

There have been other casting decisions, in the past, that have been met with universal disapproval. Daniel Craig had to deal with a huge backlash against him and even an online petition that garnered over fifty thousand signatures, purely down to the colour of his hair. But when all is said and done, it turns out that Bond can be blonde and after four films he has managed to silence even his sternest critics. When Tom Cruise was cast as Lestat in Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice threatened to sue Warner’s if they went ahead and made it with him in it. She did however rescind that threat and after watching the final cut of the film, and before its general release, Anne took out a full page advert in Variety, apologising to Tom for her previous behaviour and also to praise his performance. Even the late and great Heath Ledger had to suffer scorn and ignominy when the aforementioned Mr Nolan cast him in The Dark Knight. And by the way, if you don’t think that Heath as the Joker is the greatest portrayal of a comic book character ever to grace the big screen, then you and I are destined to fall out.

However, none of the actors mentioned above have had to come close to the level of flack that Matt Damon’s best bud had had to endure when the powers that be announced Affleck as Batman. The geek and nerd world cried out in one universal voice, NO! And to be honest they could have had a point. Mr Affleck had previously dipped his toes into the comic book world, back in 2003, when he played the title role of Matt Murdock in Daredevil. Now to say this film is bad doesn’t really do the word bad justice. It’s a film I have and will only ever watch once. It is an hour and forty three minutes of the most overblown twaddle you can imagine and don’t even get me started on Colin Farrell as Bullseye.

So in retrospect there may well have been genuine concern for Affleck taking on, what is arguably one of the most iconic comic characters ever created. Mr Affleck however, was determined to prove these naysayers wrong and put in a performance that would not only stand the test of time but prove once and for all that you can utter the words Ben and Batman in the same sentence without wanting to throw up a little. 

He started training in the gym, twice a day, six days a week, knowing that if you’re going to play a Superhero, you need to look like a Superhero. If you ever get the chance to watch Gone Girl, have a look at how big he is at the start of the film, compared to how he looks towards the end. He’s practically bursting out of his shirt in some scenes. 

So that moves us into early 2014 and the film, which had now evolved from being called Man of Steel 2, to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It was now about to start filming and the studio exec’s and bean counters would have been forgiven for feeling just ever so slightly nervous with what, at best, could have been described as a ‘luke warm’ reception, when it came to its casting choices. It did however have a few aces still left to play. The announcement of Gal Gadot as Diana Prince, or more commonly known to us mere mortals as Wonder Woman and Oscar winner Jeremy Irons as Alfred, did help slow the tide of apathy and indifference towards this tent poll movie, but only just. Principle photography lasted nearly eight months, which is about double what you’d expect for a film of this nature. Then the original release date got moved from the summer of 2015 to March 2016. This did set a few alarm bells off because as a general rule, if a studio moves a film from its announced date, especially if that date is slap bang in the middle of blockbuster season, it’s never normally for good reasons. Of course it is only a rule of thumb and it certainly didn’t hinder the box office of The Force Awakens, after that had been put back by some six months. But having B v S pulled from its slot last year did nothing to help with its reputation or general buzz. 

Then came the trailers. There have been four official trailers so far and several TV Spots and even with the best spin in the world, they haven’t really enthralled or convinced me that this could be the Superhero movie the world has been waiting for or indeed the kick in the spandex the entire franchise, as a whole, requires to launch DC’s Justice League (The equivalent of the Avengers, made of course by the people who shall not be named, boo hiss…)  

Now for those of you who are not in the know, I love Batman as a character. Its dark, he has a great back story and a collection of some of the greatest villains you’re ever likely to see this side of a political convention. But even I have to admit the last two and a half years have not been an easy ride. I was also not overly keen on Affleck getting the nod for Batman but I told myself that even though DD was a bit wrongo pongo, he had still won two Oscars. One for screenwriting (Good Will Hunting) and the other for best director (Argo) and they don’t give them out just anybody and I should know, I have asked!  I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and reserve judgement until I had seen the film. Then there were interviews with Snyder himself and quotes where he stated that he was looking to make a film that was tonally similar to Watchmen, which if you haven’t seen is okay but only in patches. All in all I wasn’t sure I was going to like Dawn of Justice much at all. It seemed the universe had spent a lot of time and effort to make sure I was underwhelmed going into its screening but then came the world premiere in New York…

Although there was a press embargo and no one could officially comment, there were some people who attended, who were not members of the associated press and they took to twitter and offered up a tantalising glimpse into what was to come. It was good, and not only that, it was very good. Talk of ‘Gadot being the standout performance’, ‘nothing like the trailers portray it’ and ‘the best comic book film of the last five years’.  

Now it’s very hard not to get carried away when you read things like that. Having your expectation level raised from ‘mediocre’ to just ever so slightly above ‘quietly confident’ can be a dangerous thing. I always try to be objective when I write these reviews, even if I’ve been looking forward to what I’m going to see, I always try and tell it how I see it. So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, geeks and nerds of all ages, gather round, make yourself comfortable and sit back and relax as I get to the meat and bones of why you’re all here.

In the red corner I give you, weighing in at a shade over 250 lbs. An orphan, with an external underwear issue. ‘The’ illegal immigrant. The king of sting. The master of disaster. The count of monty fisto. The one, the only, son of Krypton, I give you ‘Super-no-one-can-tell-its-me-when-I-wear-glasses-Man!’ 

And In the blue corner, also weighing in at over 250 lbs. and change. Another orphan. A man who’s moodier than a moody thing on national moody day in moody land. A man with a belt for any and all occasions. The car maybe big, the cowl may have ears but don’t mention the boy wonder or it’ll all end in tears! The one, the only, the Gotham grappler ‘Bat-I-have-a-cape-as-well-Man!’

So to start with, I’ll give you my honest opinion of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It’s a mess, the end. 

Now, as you were probably expecting something a little more ‘highbrow’ than that I shall expand my review a tad, but it is my sad duty to report that the greatest gladiator match of modern times and yes I am including Freddy vs. Jason, Coke vs. Pepsi, Blur vs. Oasis and Red Sauce vs. Brown, in that statement, has missed the mark by some considerable distance. Mr Snyder seems to have taken the premise of the film, decided that plot and story aren’t important and then tried to convince most of the paying audience that filling the screen with more C.G.I. than you’d find at the headquarters of Pixar, is definitely the way to go. Now I should, in the balance of fairness, say that it isn’t all bad. It’s an improvement, in a lot of respects, over Man of Steel but it does seem to suffer from the age old problem of trying to do too much on screen. Which is odd because with a running time of over two and a half hours you’d of thought that there would have been ample time to deal with the subject matter at hand. Alas no, in the same way that the third outing for Toby Maguire’s Spiderman and Avengers: Age of Ultron didn’t really work, Dawn of Justice is just a real jumble when it comes to its backbone, the narrative. It’s completely M.I.A. I am not trying to get too personal here but in the same way George Lucas was taken to the wood shed for Episodes I, II & III, it’s becoming more and more apparent that Zack Snyder doesn’t know how to translate a screenplay onto the silver screen. It’s unfortunately it’s starting to very much look like 300 may have been a one hit wonder. 

Watchman, a swing and a miss.

Suckerpunch, a fairly sexiest foul ball.

Man of Steel, another swing and a miss.

Batman v Superman, strike three, your outa here!

As for the actors themselves there also a few under par performances. Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luther is just a very odd, almost borderline irritating. This is partly my fault as I’ve grown up with Luther always being played by an older actor. Gene Hackman and Kevin Spacey were as good as it gets and having someone half their age cast in the role just feels very wrong. Eisenberg’s approach to the part is different and he should certainly get some credit for originality but there are times throughout the film where I felt like I wanted to reach through the screen and slap him. Henry Cavill and his square jaw go through the motions and to be honest he does little more than he did before. Flying to the rescue, as and when required and rescuing Lois Lane at least twice. Things do a touch better with Ben Affleck. He certainly looks the part and is basically as close as anyone has ever come to looking like The Dark Knight in Frank Millers graphic novels. He’s broody and plays the whole angst angle very well. He won’t be everyone’s favourite brand of vodka and is also a long way from anything Mr Bale brought to the Screen. Jeremy Irons, as Alfred, has a lot of fun with what he’s asked to do but, as with any actor of that standing, is never on screen long enough. However the star of the show is Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. She is every part the equal of the two headline acts. She outsmarts Bruce Wayne, isn’t afraid to tell it like it is and has her own guitar riff intro when she first appears in costume. Although again, as with Alfred, she doesn’t get anywhere near the screen time that she deserves. 

At the end of the day I was really disappointed with Dawn of Justice. There are some issues with it that I can’t go into without giving away some spoiler’s but who ever okayed one of the main protagonists dying twice within the last twenty minutes of the film, should be forced to attend Donald Trump Conventions, wearing an ‘I love Muslims and Taco’s’ T-shirt. 

What I really don’t understand is that when the bosses at Warner’s and DC were shown the fine final cut, with all the effects shot in place, they apparently gave it a standing ovation and then gave the go ahead to make an extra two more stand-alone Batman films (originally there was only going to be one) and also signed on the dotted line to let Snyder direct the first Justice League film. Which on reflection, makes about as much sense as cheese socks or waterproof tea bags. 

I do worry for the future at the moment. The powers that be seem to be blissfully out of touch with not only reality but the intelligence of its audience as well. Its target audience, based on what I have just seen, is the five to ten year old brigade, who are buzzing their little socks off from a popcorn and coke sugar rush and couldn’t give two hoots about character development as long as everything looks cool and shiny! What they need is the equivalent of a Kevin Fiege. Someone with a clear voice and a clear vision. Someone who can oversee the upcoming years and who isn’t afraid to say no when it’s needed. It isn’t quite panic stations yet. Suicide Squad is out in early August and from what I’ve seen and read about that, it looks like it could be something quite special. I guess in the meantime I’m going to have to get my Superhero jollies from that lot who shall not be named, boo hiss. Does anyone know which buses go to smelly town?...

Twitter Review:

#Batman v Superman is a gladiator battle that any compassionate referee, would stop. Problematic, muddled and messy.

#ThrowInTheTowel

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2975590/?ref_=fn_al_tt_4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwfUnkBfdZ4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yViIi3gie2c

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/batman-v-superman-dawn-justice/review/

The Revenant

Hello dear reader. It’s been just over two months since I last offered up an opinion on the wonderful world that is my cinema experiences. Two long empty months with nothing to show for it other than the distant glowing reflection of all things Forcey and Skywalker. There are of course perfectly good reasons for this, of which some of you will be aware of. For those of you who aren’t, let me simply say this. Life got in the way and it needed to. It’s as simple as that…

So what do I have on offer for you this time? Well, to boil it all down to its constituent basics, The Revenant is a revenge film that stars The Great Gatsby and Bane. Now obviously there’s a little more to it than that and coming in at a shade over two and a half hours long, the Mexican director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu hasn’t scrimped on the details either. Following up on his Oscar winning ‘Birdman’ triumph of 2014, he turned his attentions towards a little known true story and with a bit of artistic licence and a sprinkling of Hollywood magic has turned in a finished product that is something of a rarity these days, an original film.  The true story in question is about Hugh Glass, played here by Mr DiCaprio, a frontiersman who is left for dead after being mauled by a bear, in South Dakota, 1823. 

It’s worth pointing out that The Revenant it not what would be described as a ‘happy happy joy joy; film. It’s bleak and deals with personal tragedy, betrayal and one man’s struggle to right some wrongs and to see justice prevail. Just think nineteenth century Batman but without the utility belt. Having said that though, what you do get for your time and money is possible one of the greatest cinematic and visually astonishing films to ever grace the silver screen. The landscape, which some would argue is a character in itself, has a perfection and resonance and is the glue that holds the story together. If the internets and more importantly, the studio publicity machine, are to be believed then there was no artificial light used during the entire shooting process. This is a little white lie as Inarritu has stated for the record that at least one camp fire scene need to be enhanced but apart from that all you see of South Dakota was filmed using the two to three hours of natural light available. This is no mean feat, especially when you consider that locations, weather and the logistics of moving a film crew into position aren’t always the easiest things to control. Another detail that the promotional machine for Twentieth Century Fox would very much like you, the viewer, to believe is, that the film does not have any computer generated imagery in it at all and Inarritu is quoted as saying “If we ended up in green-screen with coffee and everybody having a good time, everybody will be happy, but most likely the film would be a piece of shit”. Now, this is all fine and dandy until you start analysing what’s been seen. We have a meteorite hurtling through the sky, on queue and as luck would have it, heading in the right direction. The bear attack sequence, which lasts a good five minutes. There are very visceral shots of people being impaled with arrows and this isn’t done just using ‘clever camera angles’. However, my personal favourite ‘none cgi’ effect is when Mr DiCaprio rides a horse of a cliff to escape a pack of chasing Native Americans. If you’ve seen the film you’ll know exactly which scene I’m referring too and if that was done without the use of computers then Mr Inarritu, I doth my cap at your ability to not only train the greatest stunt horse in the world but also to convince, what I hope was a stunt double, to happy ride off a reasonably high precipice with only a couple of snow clad spruce trees to aim for. 

It is only fair to point out that the natural light ‘white lie’ and the computer ‘fib’ should in no way stop you from watching this film. Neither issue detract from the overall finished product at all. The film is almost flawless in its execution and when complimented by the acting talent on screen too, it’s almost certainly made itself the frontrunner for Oscar gold this year. 

Speaking of the acting talent, its two main leads Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy hardly put a foot wrong here. Having first worked together in Christopher Nolan’s ‘Inception’, their chemistry on screen is consummate. Although both have contrasting acting styles, they play off each other very well and both bring different qualities to the table. I think DiCaprio saw this film and its making as a very important journey he wanted to take. After having read the script He called Tom Hardy and told him that he wanted him to take the part of John Fitzgerald, the man who ultimately betrays DiCaprio’s Glass. Hardy, who was at the time attached to Suicide Squad, dropped out of that and agreed to make The Revenant. A decision that earned him a best supporting actor nod at the 2016 Oscars. 

The Revenant has over the last twelve months attained an almost mythical status throughout Hollywood as being a film that could or indeed can, lay claim to being the toughest movie shoot in history. However I suspect a certain Mr James Cameron (The Abyss or Titanic), Francis Ford Coppola (Apocalypse Now) and possibly even David Fincher (Alien 3) would have something to say about that. Tom Hardy, who apparently is a big believer is keeping the crew happy, had several onset arguments with Inarritu and is said to have chocked him out at one point after a disagreement. The Revenant was shot chronologically over an eighty day schedule, which isn’t easy in itself, however there were production problems from the outset and they had to move the entire shoot on at least three separate occasions, chasing the snow. DiCaprio’s commitment to the cause and the finished performance he deliveries is astounding and I hope he ends up with a small gold statue for his troubles. He’s definitely deserved it.

I'll finish by saying this. If you get the opportunity to watch The Revenant, I would strongly advise to you take it. It is a rare film of at times exceptional beauty and you’re unlikely to see its equal for a very long time. The subject matter won’t be to everyone’s tastes and there will be people who won’t want to watch it because of the actors in it but seek it out, all the same. It is at times unapologetically brutal and graphic but I would argue that it needs to be in order to tell the story. As to what subject Inarritu will decide to tackle next, the jury is still out, but is Birdman and The Revenant are anything to go by then you can place a large amount of money on it being original, thought provoking and will also have ‘A-list’ actors lining up around the block to audition for it. 

Twitter Review:

There are bears. There are woods & there are other assorted strange animals, but Winnie the Pooh this isn't.

#IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1663202/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoebZZ8K5N0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcFLuiqDm8g

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/revenant/review/

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Hello dear reader, well it’s finally happened. Pop Culture: Episode VII has finally been released into the world and whether you like it or not, for the foreseeable future, it will be very hard to find anything that isn’t set ‘A long time ago’ or ‘in a galaxy far far away….’ 

So where do you start to trying to review a film that is basically the most anticipated piece of cinema released in the last ten years, possibly much longer? Well the best place to start is at the beginning, or to be more precise, Episode IV and 1977. Now I happen to be old enough, or as I like to see it, lucky enough, to be of a certain age, that I can claim with a certain amount of pride that I have seen every single Star Wars film in the cinema, on its original release. This puts me in the unique position of being firstly, old and secondly wise enough to know that The Empire Strikes Back is not the greatest film in the franchise, and before you lovely people start to ‘lose your shit’ (down with the kids). I would also, for the record, like to point out that I don’t think the one with the terrorist teddy bears is either.  The best is, of course, the original. Now, I know this is a controversial point of view and that many of you will completely disagree with me. I have gone on record in previous blogs about how I just don’t understand why everyone else seems to hold Episode V in such high regard. For me it’s a film that’s plot can be summed up quite simply as ‘A snow ball fight, exposition, exposition, exposition, hi son, the end.’ The whole chunk where Luke goes looking for Yoda on Dagobah is a complete snooze fest and quite frankly if it wasn’t for the inclusion of the AT-AT walkers in the aforementioned ‘snow-ball’ fight and a certain ‘bad-ass’ bounty hunter, then I don’t think it would have much going for it at all. Now don’t get me wrong. If someone pointed a gun at my head and told me I had to choose between watching a film that had either Frank Oz voicing the most unrealistic muppet since Ronald Regan or a CGI character from Episode I that could turn the most die-hard of Star Wars fans into a seething mass of ‘going-postal’ rage. Then I’d blissfully go with swamps, cloud cities and amusingly shaped ion cannons every day of the week and twice on Sunday. 

However, I do feel like I’m drifting slightly away from the point here and the job at hand. Namely, to give my humble opinion of J.J. Abrams The Force Awakens. Now I am going to do my best to skirt around the edges of a little town I known called ‘Spoilerville’. Especially, given what happens to thingy, when doodah goes and does whatchamacallit in the third act. So it would probably be best for all concerned to go and see the film first before reading on any further. I’m more than happy to wait…

Great, that’s everyone caught up, so now I’ll continue. Firstly I’ll start with the ‘what’s wrong with it’ column. Don’t worry, this won’t take that long but there are a couple of niggles that I need to go over. However, the first is a biggy. Ever since Star Wars film was released, nearly forty years ago’ the ‘A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away….’ opening screen shot and its proceeding screen crawl have always, and I mean always, had the Twentieth Century Fox fanfare to accompany it. They’ve become so ingrained with one another that I can’t hear the fanfare without thinking ‘Star Wars’. It’s just impossible to have one without the other. And I can’t be the only one that thinks that because on certain Star Wars soundtracks that have been released, the fanfare has been included as track 1. But alas those days have now gone. Ever since Mr Lucas sold his soul to Disney, back in 2012, for the better part of four billion dollars and change, we will never again get to listen to that combination again. It may not mean that much to other people but to me Star Wars without it is like Laurel without Hardy, Peter Cook without Dudley Moore or One Direction without Autotune.  

My second grumble, and by the way these are now in no particular order, falls squarely on the shoulders of Supreme Leader Snoke. Now, right off the bat I would just like to say that I have absolutely no concerns with Mr Andy Serkis. He does what he does best, namely playing a motion capture character better than any other living person on the planet. My Issue with Snoke is basically that considering he’s the ‘big bad’ of the film, he is criminally under used. He also only appears in the film the same way the Emperor appears in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’. He’s a holographic projection.  The best way I can describe how Snoke gets shown on screen is, imagine if Apple ever got their hands on Skype and you’d be pretty close to the mark. Also the projection is ‘meganormous’. He towers above everyone he talks to and it’s never really made crystal clear if what we’re looking at is ‘actual size’. I hope it isn’t because if it is Mr Abrams is definitely overcompensating for something. The other smaller problem I have with him is his overall appearance. He looks like the sort of person you’d find on Voldemort’s LinkedIn page. He very much comes across as someone whose bark is far worse than his bite. I didn’t really get the whole ‘menace’ vibe off him at all. 

Thirdly, and more importantly lastly, it’s time to bash, albeit very lightly, Adam Driver as Kylo Ren. Now it’s not really Adams fault here and I suspect he didn’t have much say in the overall look that J.J. was going for but there is a huge problem. When he has his face mask on and his voice is enhanced, the whole character works. Unlike Snoke, Kylo Ren does come across as daunting and as someone you wouldn’t want to upset during a game of space chess (FYI, always let the Wookie win) but as soon as the mask comes off and the hair cascades down, he looks like he’s just wandered in from the set of ‘Made in Chelsea’. I’ve seen oranges look scarier than Kylo does unmasked. It just doesn’t work at all. Now it was pointed out to me that Adam Drivers ears are rather on the large side and the hair could be being used to gently cover them up but there have to be better styles available. Whenever he’s on screen ‘sans headgear’ it felt like I was watching a Vidal Sassoon commercial.   

So that’s the gripes over and done with, now onto the good stuff…..(clears throat)……

THERE ARE WOMEN IN THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE!!!! That’s right actual real women, doing actual real jobs and ladies and gentlemen (best sit down for the next bit) they have actual lines of dialogue as well. See what happens when you let grownups handle the screenwriting responsibilities Mr Lucas. It’s so nice to see a universe that’s been populated properly and with characters that are well rounded and well written.  We have the Oscar nominated Lupita Nyong’o playing Maz Katana, Emmy nominated Gwendoline Christie as Captain Phasma and of course the one and only Carrie Fisher back as ‘General Leia Organa’. However the real star of the show is Daisy Ridley’s Rey. She’s a self-reliant scavenger, who is more than capable of looking after herself and doesn’t need to be rescued as soon as things start to go south. Between Rey and John Boyega’s Fin, the story of The Force Awakens is in very safe hands. They both have on screen chemistry with each and it doesn’t take long before you actually start to care about what happens to them. 

As for Fin himself, he is struggling to deal with the fact that he’s a Stormtrooper with a conscious. This is not a good combination and leads him to the conclusion that he doesn’t know what he’s fighting for anymore. After the realisation that he may not be on the right side, he helps Oscars Isaac’s Poe Dameron, who’s been captured by those pesky ‘Dark-Side’ types, steal a Tie-Fighter and escape faster than you can say ‘There appears to be a very large and angry cheese wedge after us’. 

The Force Awakens is a film littered with comedic touches and great action set pieces. It’s obvious; right off the bat that I lot of time and effort went into making sure they got it right. This film was always going to be compared against the last three films that were made and in some ways that’s unfair. Episodes I, II and III are what they are. Some people hate them, some people don’t but to compare them against this film and the others that will follow, over the coming years, is like saying Coke is better than Pepsi or Daniel Craig is a better Bond than Roger Moore. It all comes down to opinion at the end of the day. 

The Force awakens is a fun film to watch. It isn’t a slow burn that takes forty five minutes to build up and set the scene for what is to follow. It’s pretty much full speed ahead for the get go. As had been well documented and publicised, some of the original characters from the first three films have returned. The aforementioned Carrie Fisher as Leia, Peter Mayhew playing some of the Chewbacca part, Harrison Ford is back as Hans Solo and isn’t just there to pick up a pay check. Solo is not a blink and you’ll miss it cameo and is not only is he integral to the story, His (spoiler) with (spoiler) that results in his (spoiler) is one of the best parts of the film. R2D2 and C3PO both return but they seem only to be on film to appease the god of nerdum. They don’t real help move the story along and to be honest the film wouldn’t have been any worse had they not been in it. That brings me along to Mr Mark Hamill. Again no big spoilers here but all I will say is that I bet he didn’t have to spend a long time learning his lines.   

In closing I’ll say this. The Force Awakens is a great film. It’s smart when it needs to be and at just over two hours and fifteen minutes long, it isn’t going to numb parts of you that it shouldn’t. It isn’t one of those films that it’s likely to diminish over time or with repeat viewings and has easter eggs galore throughout. Its Score, as with its predecessors, is written, composed and knocked out of the park by John Williams. Overall I’d give it a very solid four out of five. It’s very respectful of what’s come before it and does an excellent job of not treading on their toes. If The Force Awakens is anything to go by then Episode VIII is going to be a blast and the good news is we only have to wait until May 2017 before it turns ups. 

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2488496/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOVFvcNfvE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGbxmsDFVnE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTLAx3VDX7g

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/star-wars-force-awakens/review/

Twitter Review:

Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL film franchise!

#LiveLong&Prosper

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

So where dear reader should I start with this little slice of celluloid entertainment. Firstly I feel I should address the numbers game. This is the sixth film the Peter Jackson has made about hobbits and their lovely little furry footsteps across, around and in some cases under Middle Earth. 

Now whereas the epic Lord of the Rings trilogy had just over one thousand pages to play with the Hobbit doesn't. There was so much story in the original trilogy that there were some characters that didn't even make it on to the screen. Tom Bombadil for example is missing presumed 'chopping' from The Fellowship of the Ring. I mention this because three hundred pages are not even remotely close enough for the basis of three films. Even two would be a push. 

Now you can be as creative as you want and include all manner of items and back story from the appendices. Hell you could even throw in half a dozen Christmas recipes from Fanny Cradock and also include the complete works of Shakespeare translated in Esperanto and you still wouldn't have enough solid material to turn what is a best a children's story that would take Joe Average about five hours to read into a trilogy spanning forty eight months and nine hours running time. 

Whether it was a studio decision or one that Jackson made himself the truth of the matter is that more films equals more bums on seats, which in turn equals more money and more profits. Then of course there are the inevitable extended cuts and the merchandise circus that comes along with each film. Mr Jackson needs to be careful with his artistic integrity or there's a very good chance that he cod end up being stuck in the same corner as George Lucas, trying to work out where it all went wrong. 

So what if the film itself. Well apart from it being a bit bloated with the unnecessary (please see above), it does have some great action and battle sequences in it. That said one of the best shots in the entire film is simple and uncomplicated. It's a conversation between Bard and Thorin. It's shot with them talking to each other through a hole in a defensive wall the Dwarves have had to build to protect the mountain. It shows Thorin in the full throws of Dragon sickness and his complete inability to see anyone as anything other than a potential threat and thief for the treasure that lies within the mountain. 

As with the Lord of the rings films Jackson uses the giant Eagles as his Middle Earth 'get out of jail free card'. Basically it works like this. When you see them on screen you know the good guys are going to win. There's also the inclusion of 'Wereworms' which if memory serves do get briefly mentioned at the start of the Hobbit book but they aren't in the final battle where they show up on screen this time. The other small issue I have with the introduction of ‘Wereworms’ is that they are only ever on screen for about ten seconds and they only get used as a device to move the plot forward. They also happen to be huge. 

If anyone has read Douglas Adams The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy and is aware of his ‘Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space’ quote then you get some idea of how big these worms are. My problem is where have they been for the last five films? Holidaying in a garden centre somewhere?

Oh, and if you’re a fan of Smaug and all of his fiery goodness then I would strongly recommend that you take your seats promptly when you go to see The Battle of the Five Armies as he doesn't make it past the opening credits. What it lacks in Dragons it does however make up for with great acting. Cate Blanchet is back and packs a mean magical punch. Orlando “They’re taking the Hobbits to Isengard” Bloom is Legolas, and if you like your Dwarves Scottish, Homicidal and wielding large hammers than Billy Connolly may just make your day. 

So it may sound like I’m Jackson bashing a little bit but I’m not. I really enjoyed watching these films and although I didn’t think The Hobbit was worthy of a trilogy I’d happily watch them again and at some point in the not too distant future I’ll probably end up owning them as well, In all the shiny blu ray virtuousness. The Battle of the Five Armies at is heart is story of absolute power corrupting absolutely. This power manifests itself in the form of more Au than ‘Cash For Gold’ could shake a stick at. The film, where it’s allowed to, stays faithful to the book and without wanting to give away too many spoilers not all of the original party that leaves Hobbiton at the start of An Unexpected Journey make it to the end credits here. It also benefits from not having the fifteen different endings that Return of the King got weighed down with. It’s a fitting conclusion to Tolkiens books and I suspect no one will ever be brave enough to want to bring either of his most famous books back to the big screen during the next fifty years or so. I hope Jackson is now content with Middle Earth and is smart enough to leave well enough alone. He’s brought what many thought was an ‘un-filmable’ series of stories to the masses and he’s done it in style. His motion capture technology is now used by most Hollywood studios as and when required and his effects company Weta is now consistently giving Industrial Light and Magic a run for its money as the ‘go to’ industry standard. 

Twitter Review:

Gandalf, Orcs, Elves, Dwarves, Dragons, The One Ring, Sauron, Gold, Battles and a Bard...

#AddWater&Stir

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2310332/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVAgTiBrrDA

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?FID=137273

300: Rise of an Empire

Hello readers, it's that time again. No, not worrying if you've left it too late to get your body in shape for the beach this summer or why if the universe is indeed infinite we're stuck with Jedward. No it's fun film blog time and the Hollywood distraction that I'm about to set the crosshairs on is 300: Rise of an Empire. 

The film in question, for those not in the know, is the follow up to 300. This was a "swords and sandals" movie released back in 2006 and was adapted and directed by Zack "Man of Steel" Snyder from the graphic novel written by Frank Miller. I will start off by saying I really liked 300. It was a very special effects heavy piece of entertainment that managed to convey the feeling of actually watching a comic strip come to life. It clocks in at just less than two hours long and is perfect way to kill a couple of hours on a wet Sunday afternoon. 
It was also the film that gave Gerrard Butler his immortal and often parodied quote "THIS IS SPARTA!" It also has a long haired Michael Fassbender sounding off about fighting in the shade, which I should point out has nothing to do with spending a Saturday afternoon on Brighton’s seafront on a bank holiday weekend. 

So back to Rise of an Empire. It's a tale that is set before, during and after the events of its predecessor. It follows the Greek admiral Themistocles, played by Australian Sullivan Stapleton and his attempts to thwart the advancing Persian forces, led by the God King Xerxes and leader of his navy Artemisia, played by Rodrigo Santoro and Eva Green respectively.  
Now the main problem I found with this film is it has violence in spades but never really delivers when it comes to passion and emotion. It's almost as if the makers of the film sat around a table and decided that what this film could really use is lots of 3D blood splatters. And after that they played it safe and added some more. If you were so inclined to do so you could sit down in the comfort of your own front room, watch all eight series of Dexter and you still wouldn't even come close to the levels of blood splatter found in the one hundred and two minutes that Rise of an Empire graces the screen.
If the red overload wasn't enough to be going on with there's also a lot off issues to be had with the films physics. Now I know it's not a documentary and it's not supposed to be treated as gospel but there are problems with a couple of the big action set pieces. When the Themistocles led Greek navy first encounters the Persian fleet they enter the fray and charge into battle on what seems to be a very localised tidal wave, which disappears as quickly as it arrives. The other problem I had with it and I'd be more than happy to be proved wrong on his as ancient history isn't my strong point, is that the Greeks seem to have access to flame proof horses. Not only flame proof but horses that seem to have no problem jumping from one sinking ship to the other in the middle of a major aquatic battle. 

What about the plot I hear you ask? Well let’s start with the basics. The plot is at best patchy and at worst is incoherent. This goes back to the heart of this films problems, its lack of passion. Apart from Eva Green who is magnificent as Artemisia you get the feeling that everyone else is just acting by numbers. Lena Headley returns as Queen Gorgo and is underused for an actor of her talents. Headley gets a few key scenes that try to move the story on and also some exposition voice overs that wouldn't be missed if they weren't there. Also returning from the first film is David Wenham as Dilios. His contribution to the story seems like they really didn't know what to do with him. His dialogue is clumsy and as with Headley he is massively underused. I wouldn't have been at all surprised if he'd just been listed in the credits as "Warrior with eye patch."
There are also a couple of key speeches given by Themistocles where you’re left thinking that he has a spin doctor writing for him. No passion, no desire, no point. 
You really get the feeling that some studio pen pusher at Warners gave this film the green light purely down to the bums on seats and financial “Cha-ching” of the first flick. The problem with that is that given the first film is now over seven years old it’s a bit too late to strike whilst the iron is hot and ride on the coattails of its success.

Now it’s time to get controversial folks. Because I had trouble with this film holding my attention, my mind started to wander and by the hour mark that wandering had turned into a full blown ramble.  Every time I heard someone mention Themistocles on screen I kept thinking that it sounded like one of the names that would made it onto the short list when they were trying to name Cillit Bang. It got to the point that every time Thermy popped up on screen the phrase “Hi, I’m Barry Scott” ran from one side of my brain to the other like some unstoppable screen saver, hell bent on making me chuckle whilst I tried to maintain what little dignity I had left underneath my 3D glasses. I mention this not because I want to offend anyone from that part of the world. More to point out how my mind works when it’s not being stimulated properly. Further evidence of this can be given by stating for the record that each time there was a battle scene on the rolling oceans surrounding Greece I kept thinking that any minute now The Village people were going to turn up and burst into a rendition of “In the Navy.”

So in summing up I’ll just say this. 300 entertains and engages, whereas Rise of an Empire is definitely stuck on a sand bank somewhere. I don't know where it all went wrong. At the end of 300 they set up the premise for a great sequel. A battle that's about to involve ten thousand Spartans and the ever advancing Persian forces. That’s the film I wanted them to make. A film with action sequences to rival the battle of helms deep. A film with a script as sharp as the first and a film that doesn't miss fire as much as this one does. 
What I will take away from my time spent watching Rise of an Empire on the big screen is as follows. 
The first ten minutes of the new Captain America film are really good.
Secondly, Godzilla has the potential to blow all of the other summer blockbusters out of the water. 

Twitter Review: 
Rise of the Empire is as wet on land as it on the sea. Nothing close to the sum of its parts and the lifeboats are on standby 
#LostAtSea

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1253863/?ref_=nv_sr_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zqy21Z29ps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3Rzy7YqUVU