Logan



 

Hello dear reader, well they say all good things come to an end and with a few possible exceptions, which I’ll get to later, Logan marks the end of Hugh Jackman playing the Wolverine and also the last time we will also see Sir Patrick Stewart taking on the mantel of Charles Xavier, or ‘Wheels’ as he’s more affectionately referred to by Mr Pointy Knuckles himself. Back in 2000 Bryan Singer directed what was to be the first of many mutant movies and he set the ball rolling on what has become a very successful franchise. Now, it would be almost unthinkable to try and suggest anyone other than Robert Downey Jr to play Iron Man and the same is true for Logan. Wolverine IS Hugh Jackman and Hugh Jackman IS Wolverine. The two are now permanently linked together and it’s futile to try and think of one without the other. In the same way that Jekyll had his Hyde, Sherlock had his Watson and Ant-Man had his Dec-Man. The Wolverine Jackman combo is now truly set in stone as a pop culture icon that isn’t going to be forgotten about anytime soon. So just think, if it hadn’t have been for a substantial overrun and scheduling conflicts on John Woo’s Mission Impossible II, then the last seventeen years could have looked very different. Yes, though it pains me to say it, if Mr Woo had been able to deliver the aforementioned film on time and on not had to deal with the reshoots Paramount had asked for, then Dougray Scott would have been lighting up the multiplexes across the globe as the man with the mutton chops, spandex suit and a one size fits all tin opener.  And, if you don’t know who he is, it’s probably because he wasn’t able to play Wolverine seventeen years ago and has spent most of the last two decades on the periphery of Hollywood A-list, trying very hard to get in…

So back to Logan. It marks the ninth X-Men movie to date, or tenth if you Include Ryan Reynolds Deadpool and apart from Deadpool, Hugh Jackman has been in, popped up or cameoed in (delete where appropriate) every single one of them. To be fair, he was mentioned in Deadpool and, albeit briefly, Ryan Reynolds does walk around in a Wolverine mask for a while but it would seem that the character of Wolverine is inexplicably linked to all things X-Men and you can’t make a movie about mutants without him.  The good news is that Logan is not like anything that has come before it and although its directed by the same man who directed the last standalone Wolverine film, which by the way was cunningly titled ‘The Wolverine’, James Mangold has taken the film in a completely different direction to its predecessors. This was been widely regarded as a good thing as the common consensus re ‘The Wolverine’ is that it sucked so much it could and indeed should have been called ‘The Dyson’. 

Towards the end of 2016, just as the first trailer for Logan was about to be released, James Mangold tweeted a picture of one of the pages from the Logan screenplay and there, within that one photo, it revealed the tone and direction the movie was set to take. That one page of A4 shows Logan dropping the F-bomb and more importantly, hidden within the exposition there was the following little nugget of information “Basically, if you’re on the make for a hyper choreographed, gravity defying, city-block destroying, CG fuckathon, this ain’t your movie.” So not much of a grey area or wiggle room there then. Thanks to Deadpool and its adult R-rated approach, Logan was going to be allowed to pick up where Wade Wilson had stopped, taking the very violent and foul mouthed baton and running with it at full pelt.

So, what about plot I hear you ask. Well, in its simplest form Logan tells the story of a man who’s worn out. A man who has paid his dues and then some and just wants to live the quiet life, under the radar, not bothering anyone and trying very hard to make sure no one bothers him. Set in the year 2029, we find Charles Xavier being looked after Caliban, played very well by the head shaven Stephen Merchant and Logan working as a limo driver to help pay the bills and medical costs to keep Charles deteriorating mental health and brain quakes under control. In this not so distant future we find a world where new mutants are not being born and the ones that are still alive are being hunted to the point of extinction. Now this causes one of my few niggles with the film Logan. The reason for there not being any new mutants being born is very much one of those ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ explanations. It almost seems like a throwaway line the writers have used to paint themselves back out of the corner they so deftly brushed themselves into. As well as dealing with Charles health problems Logan is having to also negotiate with his own failing health. It would seem that the adamantium that was inserted into his body, all those years ago, has been slowly poisoning him and Logan’s ability to heal has been slowly slipping away. Due to Charles having this brain episodes, which effectively paralyse everyone with the immediate vicinity when they happen, they are having to lay low in a Mexican compound, just south of the border. Everything seems to be going well and then a young girl and her nurse/mother gate crash the story and convince Logan to take them to a safe area, just across the Canadian border.

You may have seen this young girl in the trailers for the film. Clips of her kicking man size butt and basically doing whatever she thinks is necessary to survive have been floating around for a while now.  She is pivotal to the story and without giving too much away she is referred to as X-23.  Now, what isn’t in any of the promotional material you’ll find out there is that there is also an X-24. It’s a credit to all those involved with the making of the film that they managed to keep X-24 well and truly under their hats. It can’t have been easy but the fact that it was such a closely guarded secret meant it was a nice unexpected surprise when it was first revealed on screen.

And there you have it. After three X-Men (the last of which was pants), three Standalone and three wibbly wobbly timey wimey films (the last of which was double pants with cardigan elbow patches on top) both Hugh Jackman and Sir Patrick of the Stewart are done. Both have said that this is the end for them but the good news is I suspect it won’t be the last time we ever see either of these characters on the silver screen. Xavier already has a younger understudy in the form of James McAvoy waiting in the wings and I’m sure they’ll find some way to incorporate him in future X-Men films and lets all be honest here, there will be future X-Men films! Recasting the Wolverine may prove to be a much tougher proposition altogether though. I mean where do you even start?  If it were down to me I’d be calling the respective agents of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Kit Harington or if you’re a fan of long shots, possibly even Gwendoline Christie. Whoever the powers that be chose to replace ‘The Wonder from Down Under’ they will have some awfully large shoes to fill and the task of effectively reinventing the wheel and whoever gets the winning ticket they’ll also need some fairly strong shoulders to deal with the weight of expectation thrust upon them. In closing I’ll say this. It can’t be a coincidence that the bulk of this story is about people wanting to cross borders to give themselves a chance at a better and safer life. It can also not be a coincidence that the main antagonist in Logan is called Donald. But fear not ladies and gentleman, if Logan tells us anything it’s that the future is bright and it’s almost certainly not orange… 

 

Twitter Review:
Logan is the send-off Wolverine needs & deserves. Violent & vicious with just a twist of compassion.
#X-23IsTheMagicNumber

 

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3315342/?ref_=nv_sr_1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DekuSxJgpbY
http://www.empireonline.com/movies/logan/review/

Fast and Furious 7

Well hello dear reader, it's been a few months since I last gave my opinion on a film and for that I can only say sorry. The reason for this is a simple one. There hasn't really been anything released in the last two months that I wanted to see. Having pretty much gone into cinema overload at the start of the year with the major Hollywood studios letting loose their Oscar 'A Game' with such titles like Birdman, Whiplash and Foxcatcher, to name but three, it's been all quiet on the western front for getting on for nearly ten weeks. 

Nothing floated my boat. In fact the closest anything came to even getting my hull wet was Jupiter Ascending and Kingsmen but timing and a desire to play my 'I'll watch them when they get to Sky Movies' Top Trump card prevented me from seeing them. So having a free Easter afternoon at my disposal I took myself off the bench, got back in the game and went to see a charming little film about cars. And just to clarify that last sentence it wasn't a Pixar release and as much as I'd pay to see it, it wasn't a modern day version of 'Driving Miss Daisy' complete with turbo chargers, semi-automatic assault rifles and an anti-hero that sits in the back of cars whilst being chauffeured around from one hit to the next. The film in question is of course Fast and Furious 7.

Fast and Furious 7 as you may have guessed is a sequel. The sixth sequel in fact that Universal have sent out way since the original graced our screens back in 2001. Now it takes a brave studio executive to green light and flog a cash cow seven times and to be honest there aren't that many film franchises that can even boast a seventh film. Sure Bond is up in the mid-twenties now, Freddy and Jason seem to be locked in an eternal battle to see who can make the worst horror film and I'm sure we can all agree that world would be forever grateful for the cultural boundaries and stereotypes that Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow helped breakdown and destroy. But seven, does the world really need a seven? Hell, even Peter Jackson couldn't make Middle earth stretch that far and he included Elves that didn't exist, Wereworms and Billy Connolly riding a pig whilst drunk, (Billy Connolly drunk, not the pig). The short answer to the previous question is yes and given the money it made on its opening weekend worldwide, north of four hundred million, I wouldn't be at all surprised if there's an eighth, ninth and tenth part in the not too distant future. 

For those not in the know I'll start at the beginning. Once upon a time there was a Los Angles cop called Brain O'Coner, played by the recently deceased Paul Walker. Back in the first instalment Brian is sent undercover to investigate an illegal and underground street racing crew led by Dominic Toretto, Played by Vin 'I am Groot' Diesel. All sorts of shenanigans take place, cars go fasty fasty broom broom, Brian falls for Dominic's sister (obligatory film love interest) and wouldn't you know it by the end of said film or 106 minutes later if you want it in metric, Brian and Dominic become friends. 2 Fast 2 Furious followed less than two years later with John Singleton at the helm but minus Mr Diesel. The plot, such as it is, centred around drug runners in that there Florida and if you've never seen it (and judging from it box office receipts you haven't) you're really not missing much. The third outing for the franchise churned out 'Tokyo Drift', which followed in 2006. Both Walker and Diesel were absent and some would argue that so was the plot. Which by the way, made the second film look like Oscar Material. It revolved around young’uns having to enter races in a Japanese city (I forget which one) in order to avoid going to jail in America. And that should have been that. After diminishing returns and a lack of star power willing to return the whole franchise looked done and dusted. No more fast, no more furious and no more turbo charged alpha male 'living my life a quarter mile at a time'. 

So what happened I hear you ask? I'll tell you. Justin Lin happened. Mr Lin who, whilst directing, was obviously the only person on the third film that even seemed to remotely enjoy themselves wanted to make a forth and he had an idea. I'm not sure it will go down in the annals of time as one of the greatest 'lightbulb moments' ever but the last three films alone have made Universal obscene amounts of money. Just under 1.8 billion dollars at the last count, so I'm guessing it works. The idea in question was a simple one. Instead of just races why not have huge stunts and set pieces using cars. Using this premise Mr Lin did two things. Firstly without anyone really noticing he rebooted the franchise after eight years. Which even by today's Hollywood standards is impressive. Secondly he convinced Mr Diesel and Mr Walker to come back. 

Part four was given the green light and for reasons not really passing understanding it was called simply 'Fast and Furious', (No room here for the definite article thank you so very much). It not only raised the bar considerably given what had come before it and also stopped taking itself seriously. It's safe to say that since this film the Fast and Furious tongue has been pushed so far into its own cheek that you'd probably be able to hang a coat on it. The story for four involved drug running and a big baddy called Braga. But leaving the plot aside it’s the action that helps sell this film and is a forerunner of what was to come. They dipped their toes in the water to see if it would sell and sell it did. In fact it sold to the tune of 360 million, making it by far and away the most successful of the series to date. After this came number five or 'Fast 5' as it was called. This had an ace in the hole. It employed the services of none other than Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson playing a government badass called Hobs. This coupled with another of those completely believable scripts that required the good guys to steal a bank vault in down town Rio and then drag said vault, with its contents still inside, through the streets of Rio in broad daylight. Throw in a fight between Vin and The Rock and you have a film that ticks a lot of boxes on the 'must watch' menu. The sixth film (guess what that's called?) was sure to follow and in 2013 we got another dose of high octane thrills and spills. Now I have already reviewed number 6 in s previous blog so I won't repeat myself here. All I will say is that it's worth watching alone for the sequence with the tank and also for its final set piece on a plane and what could well be the longest runway in Europe if not the world.

So that dear reader brings us upto date and back to part the seventh. Again the plot wouldn't look out of place in a Ripley’s 'believe it or not' exhibition and basically boils down to the fact that the big brother, played by the one and only 'Stath', of the big bad nasty villain from Furious 6, played by Luke Evans, is after the whole gang for putting said brother in hospital. Now the Stath has revenge and retribution on his mind and as his back story unfurls we the audience are told that he's some sort Special Forces assassin ‘gone bad’.  He seems more than capable of doing what needs to be done. In fact he even manages to kill one of Toretto's crew (no spoilers here), puts The Rock in hospital and comes very close to bumping off others as well. As I've mentioned before what sells these films are their action and number seven doesn't disappoint on that score. There's a set piece about two thirds in where a very rare and expensive sports car is driven through three skyscrapers to escape the Stath. No biggy I hear you say but I should point out that the car is not on the ground floor when this takes place. There are fights, more fights, cars parachuting behind enemy lines, helicopter gunships deploying guns, missiles and even a heavily armed drone in the middle of downtown LA and if that wasn't enough to wet your whistle let me try and hook you on a slightly different tangent. One of the main characters in these films is called 'Han Seoul-Lo' and yes you did read that right. 

Now if you haven't managed to grasp the point I've been trying to make about this franchise I'll make it easy for you. These types of film do for complicated storylines what The X-Factor does for producing Grammy award winning talent. These films are never going to win Oscars for acting, directing or best original screenplay. However that should in no way stop you from going to see them and enjoying them for what they are. They are the ultimate in 'leave your brain at the door' and just switch off for a couple of hours. If you are inclined to play catch up before watching episode seven or for that matter new to the whole Fast and Furious extravaganza may I recommend the following course of action. Watch the first film, skip two and three and then start again at four. I’ll finish by saying this. These films are loud, at times ridiculous, are so far past reality at times it’s laughable but if you like the idea of watching what is effectively a live action version of a Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon with the testosterone turned all the way up to 11 than you’re in for a treat. Go, watch, enjoy.

Twitter Review:

The Rock, The Stath, The Diesel, Surprise Snake Plisskin & an insurance claim that could bankrupt Direct Line twice.

#FastyFastyBroomBroom

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2820852/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgZlDFnEozw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGHzXAYFe3c

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?FID=138860

Hangover 3, Fast & Furious 6, Star Trek Into Darkness

Well, hello there readers. Firstly an apology from my good self, it’s been a while since my last entry here. Several weeks, days and hours have transpired since I dazzled you with my witty and urbane review of Iron Man 3. I can only say sorry and offer up an excuse. Once you reach the level of celebrity that I have now achieved, your days are filled with public appearances, opening supermarkets, filming adverts for Gucci and Ronseal and doing a lot of work for charity, which as you can imagine doesn’t leave you with much time to sit down and blog.  You, dear reader, can choose to believe that or you can take what’s on offer behind door number two. The simple truth of the matter is I’ve just been the wrong side of busy.
So because of this there will now be a review of the last three films that I have seen in the good old picture house. These films being in no particular order “The Hangover 3”, “Fast & Furious 6” and “Star Trek into Darkness”.

So sit back, relax, take the cat off the hook and put the phone out. I shall start purely at random with The Hangover 3.

The first Hangover film was unleashed into the wild back in the summer of 2009 and due to its box office success a sequel was promptly ordered. The premise of the first film for those not in the know is basically take one stag party, stir in a large portion of “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” and then turn up to 11. Whilst turning it up to 11 chuck in a cameo from Mike Tyson, a tiger in a ruined hotel suite and a scene stealing performance from Zach Galifianakis. I happen rather to like this film. It’s widely un-pc in places, doesn’t take itself too seriously and if you squint really hard, put your hands over your ears and make very loud “La La La” noises it is almost possible to forget that there are two films that follow it.
The problem with the follow-ups is that for the second film all they seemed to do was take the plot of the film and just move it lock, stock and barrel to Bangkok. It wasn’t anywhere near as funny as the first and you really got the feeling that all the actors involved were just going through their “contractual obligations” whilst filming it. However it also seemed to put the right figures in the right columns with regards to box office takings and those lovely chaps at Warner Brothers asked the director Todd Phillips to write another screenplay and then threw money at the actors until they said yes. Now the major problem with the third film is that it’s a completely different animal from the first two. It almost borders on black comedy in places, it’s uncomfortable to watch and I spent a lot of the third act sitting in my seat thinking “really?” to myself. It’s set back in Vegas and again has the “Wolfpack” getting themselves caught up, through no fault of their own, with criminal underworld. John Goodman plays the big bad and plays it very well. It’s the sort of performance that he can do on autopilot.
Even after some distance between seeing the film and writing this blog I’m still struggling to find positives about it. The only glimmer of hope I offer you dear reader is that everyone involved with the trilogy, including the recently Oscar nominated Bradley Cooper, has said that this is the end, there will be no more. I’d like to hope this is true but I’m the same way I once saw a certain George Lucas proclaim that there would never be a Star Wars VII, VIII & IV, I doubt it will be…..

Fast & Furious 6. Well where do I start??? I can safely say without too much fear of contradiction that this is not a Merchant Ivory production. It basically, like the Ronseal mentioned before,  does exactly what it says on the tin. If you’re looking for a no nonsense, bang for your buck and leave your brain at the door way to switch off for 130 minutes then look no further. The plot and I do use that word with a wry smile centres around a crew of international mercenary drivers who according to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson need to be taken down. And of course the only people who are good enough to do the aforementioned “down taking” are all in exile around the world. The reason that they are all scattered to the four corners is due to the shenanigans that have  taken place over the course of the previous five films, which I’m happy to report you do not need to see before embarking on film six.
The leader of this band of merry men and women is Vin Diesels “Dominic Toretto”. The Rock offers them all pardons and the chance of a return to normal life and before you can say “mirror, signal, manoeuvre” they find themselves in our very own London causing the sorts of mayhem and destruction that you usually only get from TFL engineering works. There are some great action set pieces in the film including a totally believable car chase through London’s west end with those charming police chaps leaning out of their car windows and using machine guns (wry smile people, wry smile). As well as that there is also a rather over the top action battle that has a tank, bridges blowing up and more handbrake turns than you can shake a set of fluffy dice at. However the big grand finale takes place in Spain. It involves a large cargo carrying plane, several vehicles and without doubt what has to be the longest runway every committed to celluloid. It’s beyond ridiculous. I’m sure it must cross at least three time zones.
That said I did actually enjoy this film. It’s entertaining and frantic and also funny when it tries to be. I will say this as well, whoever the sound engineer was on this film obviously wasn’t getting paid by the hour. They must have gone in to the recording booth and turned all the faders up to maximum and gone home. It’s earth shatteringly loud and you could need fillings replaced after you’ve seen it.   The other little treat it has hidden up its sleeve is an end of credits scene that has the one and only (spoiler alert) Jason Statham being set up as the next baddie for Fast & Furious 7 and given that F&F 6 just had Universals biggest opening weekend since Jurassic Park I’m sure it’ll only be a matter of time before vehicular warfare once again descends into your nearest multiplex.

Star Trek into Darkness. Ok you lovely people it’s time to be controversial. When it comes it comes franchises that have the word Star in them, I’ve always found myself leaning towards Trek as opposed to Wars (Lights blue touch paper and retires).
Back in 2009 JJ “lens flare” Abrams was given the task of rebooting a Star Trek universe that had seemed to have collapsed under its own weight. Five television series, six if you included the short lived animated series form the 70’s and ten films. The last of which was received with a whimper by its fans. So when Paramount asked Abrams to re-launch the brand many of the diehard fans were up in arms. By his own admission he had never been a fan of the shows but that may have been an advantage as he came in and was given a clean slate to work with. His idea was simple. Take it back to the beginning and show how Kirk, Spock and company first started out. Basic training at Starfleet and how the Infamous Enterprise crew came to be. Then throw in a little bit of time travel so you can have Leonard Nimoy pop up for some much needed words of wisdom. Thankfully it all worked and now four years later we find ourselves with the much anticipated sequel.
One of the criticisms of the first film was the villain was a bit lacklustre. Thankfully the Trek universe has a few adversaries of note to choose from and Abrams went to the top of the list when putting his film together. He then got the very talented Sherlock star Benedict Cumberbatch to play him and as everyone knows, if you want a bad guy played well, they need to be British. The bad guy in question is Khan (sorry there should have been a spoiler alert there) and Benedict plays him perfectly. He’s a one man weapon of mass destruction and seems hell bent on bringing Starfleet to its knees. Kirk, who has a personal score to settle and co are sent after him and as luck would have it they find him on the Klingon home world. What follows is a giant chess game of life and death. Cat and mouse, move and counter move which at one point actually brings Kirk and Khan together to fight of another oppressor.
At its core it’s a 132 minute rollercoaster of a ride and takes you by the scruff of the neck from the very first scene and doesn’t let up until the credits roll. It’s a credit to Abrams that he manages to pull this off. It’s ticks both the visual and substance boxes and may have gone some way to ease the concerns of the Star Wars fans he’s about to entertain. Episode VII will almost certainly be visually spectacular and will almost certainly have the odd shot of lens flare in it. I just hope he has some input and say with regards to the screenplay as that’s where the previous three Star Wars fell down quite considerably. Star Trek Into Darkness is a great film and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if someone at Paramount in the not too distant future gave the green light to another series based in the Trek universe….

Hangover 3
Twitter Review:
The Wolfpack are hopefully now on the endangered species list. Not funny, not good and not needed.
#QuitWhilstYoureBehind

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1951261/?ref_=sr_2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUUvJ3jGC4Y

Fast And Furious 6
Twitter Review:
Cars, Guns, Chaos and a smattering of eye candy. Brains not required but ear plugs may be.
#LoudProud&DangerousToKnow

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1905041/?ref_=sr_1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKi5XoeTN0k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JZKEN_vpzY

Star Trek Into Darkness
Twitter Review:
Kirk & Khan "The Rematch". sky box office not required just a truck load of popcorn and put your smile on standy.
#MayTheForceBeWithYou

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1408101/?ref_=sr_1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAEkuVgt6Aw

The Expendables 2

Let me set the scene. Its 2009 and its dawning on Sylvester Stallone that his days of making money from Rambo and Rocky franchises that he has spearheaded for the last thirty years maybe behind him. So what to do next? The answer to that question was a simple one. Put together a cast of action film icons and go make the best “leave your brain at the door” film possible.
So with that as its premise and starting point Stallone went away and put together a film that he also ended up directing, which included Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lungren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke and the terminator himself Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The film became The Expendables and basically it did exactly what it said on the tin. Lots of bang for your buck, an extremely high body count and enough blood on screen to fill about three Olympic size swimming pools.

The film, although never regarded as a classic in the grand scheme of things, made enough money for the studio behind it to start asking questions that went along the lines of “do you fancy making another one?” and “oh go on, pretty please”. Stallone, having recently checked his new and plumped up bank balance, didn’t have any issues putting the band back together and with the exception of Rourke everyone agreed to come back.
Having broken his neck in the first film Stallone and by his own admission, had taken too much on. So he decided to hand the megaphone duties over to the more than capable Simon West.
This freed Stallone up to come up with a screenplay that needed to be bigger and louder than the first. To say that he didn’t disappoint would be something of an understatement but more of that later.

With Rouke bailing on the sequel Stallone needed some new blood to join the party. Firstly he got Liam Hemsworth, who’s the younger brother of Thor for those of you not in the know. Just don’t expect to see him in the third film as and when that gets made (and it will). Then he persuaded the muscles from Brussels to sign on the dotted line. Jean-Claude Van Dam plays against type as the villain of the piece and what a job he does. Happily sending himself up at every available opportunity. The real trump card for this sequel though has to be the inclusion of Chuck Norris, who seemingly never looks like he ages at all. Norris has for a long time had a “legend” tag that he seems to follow him around and is something he appears more than happy to live up too. If you have five minutes to spare I urge you to head over to chucknorrisfacts.com . It’ll keep you amused for hours!

So let’s get back to that to that screenplay that Mr Stallone put together. The premise of the film is that JCVD is about to get his hands on six tonnes of old Russian cold war Plutonium and the CIA can't let that happen! Put simply this screenplay is appalling! It’s so far past bad it’s ridiculous. It doesn’t hold together in any way shape or form and I think the plot may have been asked to go away politely for a while whilst filming was under way. As for the filming itself, it’s preposterous. So full of continuity errors that I stopped counting after twenty minutes and it makes about as much sense as cheese socks.
That said, I LOVED IT!!! Every gloriously ham acted scene, every absurd and over the top death and illogical decision being made. I sat in the cinema for the entire duration of the film with the largest smile on my face. This may well be the first fan fiction film that has ever been green light and could also be the world’s first one star “must see” action film and although they do get far more screen time for this film it seems the only reason Bruce and Arnold were asked to come back was to commit each other’s trade mark catchphrases to celluloid with their tongue’s both fully inserted into their respective cheeks.

Given the fact that this film seems to have come up trumps and at the box office I can only imagine it’s a matter of time before Stallone receives another phone call begging for him to sit down and write another screenplay that pushes the boundaries of thought, perception and human understanding. But the problem he’ll have is this. How do you trump what’s already come before it? How do you make it bigger and better without actually turning up to the White House and saying “would you mind if we actually invaded Canada”?
And then of course there’s the other issue of who can you ask you be in it that hasn’t already been included. Other than Jackie Chan and Steven Segal there’s no other way to top the action cast list that’s already been put together. I would however suggest that if they do have a meeting where they try to come up with which actors to include, they should think outside the box a little just to keep the ideas fresh and original. An action flick that included the likes of Woody Allen, Ronnie Corbett or even Pingu is a film I’d pay to see!

Twitter Review:
Expendables 2 is a crime against film. No plot, no continuity, no point & for those exact reasons you have to go & see it!
#AMustSeeFilm

Useful Links:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1764651/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQf3YP8p85I