Captain America: Civil War

Hello dear reader. Well they’ve gone and done and it again. Those annoying types over at ‘Team Marvel’, with Kevin Fiege at the helm have released another one of those pesky superhero movie things. And much to my bloody annoyance, (Hashtag Team DC), it has, to quote George Formby, turned out nice again. The film in question is of course Captain America: Civil War and it without wishing to cry over my keyboard too much, it shows perfectly well how to make a movie that lasts the better part of two and a half hours, filled with more characters than you’d usually find on the average page of a Where’s Wally book, which is then also coherent and fun to watch. 

Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.  Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.  Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of…

Capatian America as a character works. He’s one of only a handful of superheroes from the Marvel stable that have made it to three standalone films. The others, of course, being Iron Man and Thor (Ragnarok 2017). He’s not quite truth, justice and the American way, mostly because the current American way seems to be the polar opposite of his own moral compass but If you have a problem, if no one else can help and The A-Team aren’t available (and of course you happened to live in the MCU), chances are he’d offer to help. Assuming of course he wasn’t previously engaged in say, jumping out of a plane without a parachute, fighting 13 squillion people in a glass elevator or doing the world’s greatest impression of an ice lolly, just north of Castle Black. 

One of the main reasons that ‘old cappy’ works is down mostly down to three people. The first is Joss Whedon, who took the less than stellar origin story and built the character into a believable and credible human being in the first Avengers film. The second and third people responsible for making Cap an ‘A lister’ are the brothers Anthony and Joe Russo. Rumour has it that Mr Fiege was so impressed with their directorial MCU debut, Winter Soldier (Captain America 2, to the uninitiated) that he green light them to direct Civil War and also both parts of the upcoming Avengers: Infinity Wars. (Coming to a cinema screen near you in the summer of 2018 and then 2019). These two films will be the culmination of everything that has come before. Phases one, two and now three, will all be hanging their respective hopes on the ever so crowed shelf, that and also keeping their fingers crossed that the shelf in question doesn’t give way under the weight of expectation. To give you some idea of the task at hand, pretty much every MCU bod and their official hangeroners (excluding those of course that have popped their clogs and snuffed it, ex-parrot like) will be making an appearance over the course of these two movies. Thanos, Hawkeye, Black Widow, Loki, Hulk and Mr Bun the Baker are all scheduled to appear. Which is long way of saying that, by comparison Civil War is basically like watching a hermit convention.

So without wishing to channel my inner Baldrick too much, I give you the following.

‘The thing is: The way I see it, these days there's a film on? and, ages ago, there wasn't a film on, right? So, there must have been a moment when there not being a film on went away, right? and there being a film on came along. So, what I want to know is: How did we get from the one case of affairs to the other case of affairs?’ 

Or to put it another way, how did Civil War make it to the big screen?

Well as I mentioned earlier, the Russo brothers were handed the reins for 2014’s Winter Soldier. Marvel have a habit of picking from the outer rim of expectation when it comes to choosing directors. James Gunn for Guardians of the Galaxy, John Favreau for the first two Iron Man films and of course Kenneth Branagh for Thor. The biggest hit the Russo’s had had prior to Winter Soldier was with the schmaltz fest ‘You , me and Dupree’ and just over a dozen episodes of Community. However they pretty much knocked it out of the park and ticked all the boxes they were asked to. No mean feat considering that one of those boxes was to turn Robert Redford into a credible villain (sorry, there should have been a spoiler alert in there somewhere). They teamed up again with the same screenwriters as before, Christopher Marcus and Stephen Mcfeely and, as I alluded to earlier, have delivered the longest MCU film to date and at the same time a film, that in my not at all biased DC opinion, can quiet easily sit up and hold its own in the best three Marvel films ever made. 

Must not mention Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice etc…

Now, as for that all important plot, it’s not that complicated and is basically as follows. The world’s governments and assorted leaders are starting to get just ever so slightly annoyed with the collateral damage and clean-up operation that is normally bestowed upon them after a visit from a passing superhero, or in most cases, superheroes. The cost, not only financial but physical too, is starting to take its toll and it’s decided that there needs to be some accountability for this. So before you can say ‘sign on the dotted line’ a document the size of a telephone directory is thrust in front of any and all ‘do-gooders’ that have a costume clause in there ‘we will only help humanity if…’ contract.  

Now as you can imagine this does not go down well with some and is what effectively causes the so called Civil War. Just a quick note here. When I first heard that this was the basic premise for the plot I had kind assumed, wrongly as it turns out, that It would be Captain America that was all for this and that free thinking, doesn’t like to play by the rules, Tony Stark (or is that Stank?) that would be dead set against it. However that’s not how the film plays out at all. I haven’t read the Comic Book series in which this film is based upon but I’d be very interested to find out how much it has been altered, to bring it to the big screen. 

So there you have it. Team Tony, including Vision, Black Widow and Spider-Man (more on him later) are happy to sign but Team Cappy, who include Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye and assorted others are shall we say, not overly keen to put their John Hancock’s on this document. Primarily because it would relinquish their ability to choose who to help and when and they’d be under the control of an organisation. And as Cap says, Organisations have agendas and agendas can change.  

As well as the more familiar faces returning here there are also a couple of new ones. Firstly we have Chadwick Boseman’s T’Challa or as he’s more communally known, Black Panther. Now he has an interesting back story which borders on, or at least parks very close to, spoiler territory. His Character is set for his own film, which is currently set to hit the silver screen at some point in July of 2018 and I myself am looking forward to what direction it ends up taking. Again I can’t get into the meat and bones of the character too much without giving away Civil War plot details but I will say he spends most of the film hell bent on revenge. Annoyingly though he never starts any of his conversations with the sentence ‘I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand? 

However, the real star of the show is Spider-Man. Now, this is only possible because at some point back towards the tail end of 2014, either Andrew Garfield threw his rattle out of the pram and walked away from the rebooted ‘Amazing Spiderman’ franchise or the bean counters over at Sony Films decided that there weren’t enough bums on seats and merchandise being sold to continue it as a viable proposition. The exact reason for mothballing ‘Spidey’ will probably never come to light but Kevin Feige, being a clever old soul, set up a meeting with Sony to see if they’d be willing to let him use the webcrawler in his MCU. After the dust settled and the obligatory sacrifices to the gods had been made Sony & Marvel agreed that it would be in everyone’s best interests to put Peter Parker back on the big screen and do it quickly. Long story short it was announced that Spider-Mans first MCU appearance would be in Civil War and the only small issue to overcome, was to actually cast someone for the roll. Again, depending on which parts of deepest darkest corners of the internet you’re prepared to believe, the shortlist for auditions had three names on it and all three actors had to complete a screen test with Robert Downey Jr & Chris Evans. 

Tom Holland ending up landing the roll and I have to say, it seems like the right choice. Tom is currently nineteen and given that the screenwriters have forgone the origin story that seems to be obligatory in any and all superhero films, he’s at the perfect age to play Peter Parker whilst he’s still in high school. He’s funny and intelligent and by the time Tony Stark tracks him down he’s already been out and about, swinging through the Manhattan skyline for the better part of six months. I’m not sure if it’s just Peter Parker being catastrophically naïve or not having the life experience to know any better but when Tony Stark asks him to join him to fight the good fight and help show ‘Team Cap’ the error of their ways, he jumps at the chance. Of course Stark telling him he’ll fund him for basically the best part of forever, does help sweeten the deal too. Tom Holland doesn’t so much steal this movie, he commits grand larceny. He is the stand out performance in a film that isn’t exactly shy when it comes to actors that ‘know their shit’. He will be back in the Spidey suit next year for what Marvel have cheekily called ‘Spider-Man: homecoming’ and I for one can’t wait.

Another quick little tangent here, if you’ll permit me. Most of you British types of a certain age, or should that be a certain generation (far more PC) will probably be interested to know that Tom’s father, is in fact Dominic Holland. Now, that name might not mean much to you but I’m pretty sure in you Googled the name and saw his picture, you would all say ‘Oh, Him!’ 

Captain America: Civil War is an absolute blast. From its beginnings to its closing credits, it does exactly what a blockbuster film is supposed to do. It entertains and reminds you that when movies are done well, the cinema can be a great place to while away and afternoon or evening. It has some of the best action sequences that Marvel have ever offered us, including a visually stunning fight sequence in an airport, that’s worth the price of admission on its own. It certainly doesn’t take itself too seriously and the script is full of humor and intelligence, which given some of the subject matter that comes up, definitely puts this film very much in the win column. The next MCU Film that’s lurching just over the horizon is Doctor Strange. That’s due to it land at the end of October this year and apart from Benedict Cumberbatch’s ridiculous false beard, the trailer looks very impressive. So in closing I will say this. Go and see Civil War, you’ll be glad you did. As always, make sure you stay and watch the credits. There’s a mid-credit sting and one at the very end and remember these films aren’t the be all and end of movie making. There never going to be considered high-brow or worthy of winning the best film Oscar. I’ve said before that I believe there is a real danger that at some point soon, especially as DC & Warner’s are now squarely affixed to the bandwagon, we will hit the Superhero event horizon and people will just get tired from an oversaturated market and stop going to see them. However, until that day comes, get your bottom down to your nearest multiplex pronto quick and watch Civil War. You’ll be really glad you did…

Twitter Review: Marvel at Marvel doing that voodoo that they do so well. 

#WithGreatPowerComesGreatResponsibility 

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3498820/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKrVegVI0Us

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/captain-america-civil-war/review/

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Hello dear reader. Is it a bird, is it a plane, no!, it’s a Hollywood studio and DC Comics trying to launch a film franchise eight years after the other team (who shall not be named, boo hiss) started their little foray into the world of silver screen spandex and all things Superhero. 

I am of course referring to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Now to say this is the start for Warner Brothers and DC is a little unfair. They did of course bring us Man of Steel back in 2013. Directed by Zack Snyder, it was a complete reboot of the Superman cannon, at least when it came to film and had British born Henry Cavill donning the big red cape. It did a reasonable amount of business, which is good, because if it hadn’t then we wouldn’t find ourselves, looking out over a Warner Brother’s film schedule that is now set in stone until the beginning of 2020. Indeed, assuming nothing changes and we don’t reach the Superhero event horizon anytime soon, Warner’s and DC have close to a dozen films just waiting to be given the green light. To say nothing of the boo hiss brigade, over there in smelly town. (DC fan boy and damn proud of it!) 

Man of Steel hit the screens in June of 2013 and at that years San Diego Comic Con, which ran from July the 18th through to the 21st, Warner’s hired out the infamous Hall ‘H’ for an one of those ‘dress casual, we hope you can make, we’d love to see’ kind of afternoon sessions. No one really knew what they were going to trumpet or promote for that matter. And it’s safe to say that there wouldn’t have been many cosplayers, fans or even press, that were prepared for what was about to be announced. Zack Snyder took to the stage and with less than four weeks under its belt, confidently proclaimed that there would be a sequel to the Man of Steel. And although the script had not even been started, he was sure of the direction he wanted to take it and the story he wanted to tell. Then the big S Superman logo filled the screen behind, which was promptly followed by a lot of cheering and whooping, and then it happened. A Batman logo appeared behind the S and it’s safe to say that for a good thirty seconds or so, Hall H went a little bonkers conkers. Then of course, once the initial impact had started to ebb away, everyone started to speculate about who Warner’s And DC were going to get to don the cowl and play the dual role of Bruce Wayne and Batman. Christian Bale had left some pretty big shoes to fill, in no small part down to Christopher and Jonathan Nolan. And whoever they decided on, they needed to get it right. Names were banded around and shortlists were drawn up and on August the 22nd, 2013, there was an official press release. A press release that at the time seemed to be a ‘little bit’ controversial. In the same way that the moon is a ‘little bit’ of a long walk. Many had hoped that Mr Bale could be coaxed back to the part, and if ye olde internet is to be believed, there was an awful lot of money thrown in his direction, to try and make that happen. But no, Sir Ben of the Affleck had landed the role of the caped crusader and it was safe to say he was not a popular choice. 

There have been other casting decisions, in the past, that have been met with universal disapproval. Daniel Craig had to deal with a huge backlash against him and even an online petition that garnered over fifty thousand signatures, purely down to the colour of his hair. But when all is said and done, it turns out that Bond can be blonde and after four films he has managed to silence even his sternest critics. When Tom Cruise was cast as Lestat in Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice threatened to sue Warner’s if they went ahead and made it with him in it. She did however rescind that threat and after watching the final cut of the film, and before its general release, Anne took out a full page advert in Variety, apologising to Tom for her previous behaviour and also to praise his performance. Even the late and great Heath Ledger had to suffer scorn and ignominy when the aforementioned Mr Nolan cast him in The Dark Knight. And by the way, if you don’t think that Heath as the Joker is the greatest portrayal of a comic book character ever to grace the big screen, then you and I are destined to fall out.

However, none of the actors mentioned above have had to come close to the level of flack that Matt Damon’s best bud had had to endure when the powers that be announced Affleck as Batman. The geek and nerd world cried out in one universal voice, NO! And to be honest they could have had a point. Mr Affleck had previously dipped his toes into the comic book world, back in 2003, when he played the title role of Matt Murdock in Daredevil. Now to say this film is bad doesn’t really do the word bad justice. It’s a film I have and will only ever watch once. It is an hour and forty three minutes of the most overblown twaddle you can imagine and don’t even get me started on Colin Farrell as Bullseye.

So in retrospect there may well have been genuine concern for Affleck taking on, what is arguably one of the most iconic comic characters ever created. Mr Affleck however, was determined to prove these naysayers wrong and put in a performance that would not only stand the test of time but prove once and for all that you can utter the words Ben and Batman in the same sentence without wanting to throw up a little. 

He started training in the gym, twice a day, six days a week, knowing that if you’re going to play a Superhero, you need to look like a Superhero. If you ever get the chance to watch Gone Girl, have a look at how big he is at the start of the film, compared to how he looks towards the end. He’s practically bursting out of his shirt in some scenes. 

So that moves us into early 2014 and the film, which had now evolved from being called Man of Steel 2, to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It was now about to start filming and the studio exec’s and bean counters would have been forgiven for feeling just ever so slightly nervous with what, at best, could have been described as a ‘luke warm’ reception, when it came to its casting choices. It did however have a few aces still left to play. The announcement of Gal Gadot as Diana Prince, or more commonly known to us mere mortals as Wonder Woman and Oscar winner Jeremy Irons as Alfred, did help slow the tide of apathy and indifference towards this tent poll movie, but only just. Principle photography lasted nearly eight months, which is about double what you’d expect for a film of this nature. Then the original release date got moved from the summer of 2015 to March 2016. This did set a few alarm bells off because as a general rule, if a studio moves a film from its announced date, especially if that date is slap bang in the middle of blockbuster season, it’s never normally for good reasons. Of course it is only a rule of thumb and it certainly didn’t hinder the box office of The Force Awakens, after that had been put back by some six months. But having B v S pulled from its slot last year did nothing to help with its reputation or general buzz. 

Then came the trailers. There have been four official trailers so far and several TV Spots and even with the best spin in the world, they haven’t really enthralled or convinced me that this could be the Superhero movie the world has been waiting for or indeed the kick in the spandex the entire franchise, as a whole, requires to launch DC’s Justice League (The equivalent of the Avengers, made of course by the people who shall not be named, boo hiss…)  

Now for those of you who are not in the know, I love Batman as a character. Its dark, he has a great back story and a collection of some of the greatest villains you’re ever likely to see this side of a political convention. But even I have to admit the last two and a half years have not been an easy ride. I was also not overly keen on Affleck getting the nod for Batman but I told myself that even though DD was a bit wrongo pongo, he had still won two Oscars. One for screenwriting (Good Will Hunting) and the other for best director (Argo) and they don’t give them out just anybody and I should know, I have asked!  I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and reserve judgement until I had seen the film. Then there were interviews with Snyder himself and quotes where he stated that he was looking to make a film that was tonally similar to Watchmen, which if you haven’t seen is okay but only in patches. All in all I wasn’t sure I was going to like Dawn of Justice much at all. It seemed the universe had spent a lot of time and effort to make sure I was underwhelmed going into its screening but then came the world premiere in New York…

Although there was a press embargo and no one could officially comment, there were some people who attended, who were not members of the associated press and they took to twitter and offered up a tantalising glimpse into what was to come. It was good, and not only that, it was very good. Talk of ‘Gadot being the standout performance’, ‘nothing like the trailers portray it’ and ‘the best comic book film of the last five years’.  

Now it’s very hard not to get carried away when you read things like that. Having your expectation level raised from ‘mediocre’ to just ever so slightly above ‘quietly confident’ can be a dangerous thing. I always try to be objective when I write these reviews, even if I’ve been looking forward to what I’m going to see, I always try and tell it how I see it. So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, geeks and nerds of all ages, gather round, make yourself comfortable and sit back and relax as I get to the meat and bones of why you’re all here.

In the red corner I give you, weighing in at a shade over 250 lbs. An orphan, with an external underwear issue. ‘The’ illegal immigrant. The king of sting. The master of disaster. The count of monty fisto. The one, the only, son of Krypton, I give you ‘Super-no-one-can-tell-its-me-when-I-wear-glasses-Man!’ 

And In the blue corner, also weighing in at over 250 lbs. and change. Another orphan. A man who’s moodier than a moody thing on national moody day in moody land. A man with a belt for any and all occasions. The car maybe big, the cowl may have ears but don’t mention the boy wonder or it’ll all end in tears! The one, the only, the Gotham grappler ‘Bat-I-have-a-cape-as-well-Man!’

So to start with, I’ll give you my honest opinion of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It’s a mess, the end. 

Now, as you were probably expecting something a little more ‘highbrow’ than that I shall expand my review a tad, but it is my sad duty to report that the greatest gladiator match of modern times and yes I am including Freddy vs. Jason, Coke vs. Pepsi, Blur vs. Oasis and Red Sauce vs. Brown, in that statement, has missed the mark by some considerable distance. Mr Snyder seems to have taken the premise of the film, decided that plot and story aren’t important and then tried to convince most of the paying audience that filling the screen with more C.G.I. than you’d find at the headquarters of Pixar, is definitely the way to go. Now I should, in the balance of fairness, say that it isn’t all bad. It’s an improvement, in a lot of respects, over Man of Steel but it does seem to suffer from the age old problem of trying to do too much on screen. Which is odd because with a running time of over two and a half hours you’d of thought that there would have been ample time to deal with the subject matter at hand. Alas no, in the same way that the third outing for Toby Maguire’s Spiderman and Avengers: Age of Ultron didn’t really work, Dawn of Justice is just a real jumble when it comes to its backbone, the narrative. It’s completely M.I.A. I am not trying to get too personal here but in the same way George Lucas was taken to the wood shed for Episodes I, II & III, it’s becoming more and more apparent that Zack Snyder doesn’t know how to translate a screenplay onto the silver screen. It’s unfortunately it’s starting to very much look like 300 may have been a one hit wonder. 

Watchman, a swing and a miss.

Suckerpunch, a fairly sexiest foul ball.

Man of Steel, another swing and a miss.

Batman v Superman, strike three, your outa here!

As for the actors themselves there also a few under par performances. Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luther is just a very odd, almost borderline irritating. This is partly my fault as I’ve grown up with Luther always being played by an older actor. Gene Hackman and Kevin Spacey were as good as it gets and having someone half their age cast in the role just feels very wrong. Eisenberg’s approach to the part is different and he should certainly get some credit for originality but there are times throughout the film where I felt like I wanted to reach through the screen and slap him. Henry Cavill and his square jaw go through the motions and to be honest he does little more than he did before. Flying to the rescue, as and when required and rescuing Lois Lane at least twice. Things do a touch better with Ben Affleck. He certainly looks the part and is basically as close as anyone has ever come to looking like The Dark Knight in Frank Millers graphic novels. He’s broody and plays the whole angst angle very well. He won’t be everyone’s favourite brand of vodka and is also a long way from anything Mr Bale brought to the Screen. Jeremy Irons, as Alfred, has a lot of fun with what he’s asked to do but, as with any actor of that standing, is never on screen long enough. However the star of the show is Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman. She is every part the equal of the two headline acts. She outsmarts Bruce Wayne, isn’t afraid to tell it like it is and has her own guitar riff intro when she first appears in costume. Although again, as with Alfred, she doesn’t get anywhere near the screen time that she deserves. 

At the end of the day I was really disappointed with Dawn of Justice. There are some issues with it that I can’t go into without giving away some spoiler’s but who ever okayed one of the main protagonists dying twice within the last twenty minutes of the film, should be forced to attend Donald Trump Conventions, wearing an ‘I love Muslims and Taco’s’ T-shirt. 

What I really don’t understand is that when the bosses at Warner’s and DC were shown the fine final cut, with all the effects shot in place, they apparently gave it a standing ovation and then gave the go ahead to make an extra two more stand-alone Batman films (originally there was only going to be one) and also signed on the dotted line to let Snyder direct the first Justice League film. Which on reflection, makes about as much sense as cheese socks or waterproof tea bags. 

I do worry for the future at the moment. The powers that be seem to be blissfully out of touch with not only reality but the intelligence of its audience as well. Its target audience, based on what I have just seen, is the five to ten year old brigade, who are buzzing their little socks off from a popcorn and coke sugar rush and couldn’t give two hoots about character development as long as everything looks cool and shiny! What they need is the equivalent of a Kevin Fiege. Someone with a clear voice and a clear vision. Someone who can oversee the upcoming years and who isn’t afraid to say no when it’s needed. It isn’t quite panic stations yet. Suicide Squad is out in early August and from what I’ve seen and read about that, it looks like it could be something quite special. I guess in the meantime I’m going to have to get my Superhero jollies from that lot who shall not be named, boo hiss. Does anyone know which buses go to smelly town?...

Twitter Review:

#Batman v Superman is a gladiator battle that any compassionate referee, would stop. Problematic, muddled and messy.

#ThrowInTheTowel

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2975590/?ref_=fn_al_tt_4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwfUnkBfdZ4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yViIi3gie2c

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/batman-v-superman-dawn-justice/review/

10 Cloverfield Lane

Hello dear reader, its film time again and as you can tell from the poster above, it’s a film that will fall into what I like to call the ‘Marmite’ category. And by that I mean that it’s either going to be a film you love or a film that you will actively avoid. This can also be said of its predecessor, Cloverfield. 

Back in the latter half of 2007, a trailer appeared for what turned out to be the Matt Reeves monster movie Cloverfield. It was attached to the start of the first Transformers film and it basically did two things. Firstly it proved that even in the early stages of social media and internet spoiler’s, it was possible to make a film that was not only under the radar but also make a film that some Hollywood studios didn’t even get wind of. Secondly, for the better part of the three months between the first trailer going viral and the film’s release, it nearly broke the internet. If you go to YouTube and just type in ‘Cloverfield’, there is page after page of fan theories and conjecture. I can’t think of a marketing strategy and plan that was executed better, when it comes to film.  

Now, I mentioned that Cloverfield is the predecessor to 10 Cloverfield Lane, which in some ways is true. However, both films are neither a sequel or a prequel to each other. The best description I’ve read about the two is that they are blood relatives. But for those of you who are preparing a trip to see 10 Cloverfield Lane, I will say this. They are both very different animals. Cloverfield is, and the statute of limitations on spoilers has well and truly expired here, is a movie about a monster, from somewhere, that has decided to rip Manhattan a new one. 10 Cloverfield Lane most definitely isn’t. 

Do you ever go into a cinema, with expectations of what you’re about to see and then have someone completely pull the rug from under your feet? It doesn’t happen to me that often and I think the last time it did happen to me was with Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar, which I went into thinking I was about to watch a visually stunning science fiction epic, which for the most part it is. But fundamentally it’s a (small spoiler alert) ghost story. The reason I bring this up is because I had some preconceptions about what 10CL would offer up but what I wasn’t anticipating was just how dark the film was going to turn out to be. And by dark I mean its tone, not its lighting. To quote Ren and Stimpy, it is not a ‘Happy happy joy joy’ film at all. 

As for the film itself, I’ll start with the basics. It has a cast list of eight, yes eight. And three of those are only heard as voices. The more observant of you will pick up who Ben on the phone is played by and will realise that it’s not first time he’s been in a film with John Goodman. John himself shares the screen for most of the film with John Gallagher Jr, who is probably most famous for being in Aaron Sorkin’s The Newsroom and Mary Elizabeth Winstead. For many Mary will be an actress who they are not familiar with but she has acting since the late 90’s and has been in Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Tarantino’s Death Proof and the last two Die Hard films, to name but a few. However, as good as those two actors and the performances they give are, they are both put in the shade by Mr Goodman. He plays Howard, an ex-Navy man with a survival fixation. He’s spent the prevailing years building a bunker next to his home, believing that an attack, whether its nuclear, chemical or military in nature is a forgone conclusion and it’s only a matter of when, not if, before it takes place. Howard isn’t evil however he runs the bunker with a very authoritative regimen. ‘His bunker, his rules.’ Although he isn’t evil Howard, is a very unbalanced man. Going from calm to angry in the blink of an eye. 

Mary’s character, Michelle, finds herself waking up in the bunker after being involved in a car crash. Howard has tended to her wounds, put her on an intravenous drip and provided food for her. He then tells her that the air outside has been poisoned as the result of an ‘attack’, which could have originated from outer space and as such she cannot leave. Mary, understandably, doesn’t believe a word of this and promptly puts plans into action, to try and escape back to the outside world. Now, without going into spoiler territory, there is reveal and counter reveal. As I mentioned earlier, the tone of this film is very dark and at times can be uncomfortable to watch. Its’s also worth pointing out that as with The Abyss, 10CL is a tight, claustrophobic, character driven piece that takes a big left turn about three quarters of the way through. It’s been less than twenty four hours since I’ve seen 10CL and I still can’t work out if it’s a film I want to see again. I did enjoy it and I think it’s well worth everyone’s time and effort to go and see it. I just can’t work out if I want to watch John Goodman being Howard again.

As with Cloverfeild, 10CL only appeared a short time before its release. Although there was an even shorter gap between acknowledgment of the film even existing and it taking up schedule space at the local multiplex. The first and only trailer for it was unleashed in mid-January this year (2016) and again, as with Cloverfield, was attached to a Michael Bay film, that being 13 Hours. 

Whilst JJ Abrams was playing director on a small independent sci-fi movie last year, he also had his producer hat on for Paramount. Just an aside here, if you have a spare couple of hours spare, take a look at JJ’s profile on IMDB’s website. He must have an at best, cursory relationship, with sleep. With his supervision, first time film director, Dan Trachtenberg has turned in a film that could be defined, in years to come, as a good base camp to start out from. It’s been eight years between these two films and I wouldn’t mind betting at some point in the future there will be a third. I’ll be keeping an eye on what the internet says JJ and Paramount are up to in 2024 and by then, who knows, we may have reached a point where someone at a major studio is prepared to do the film equivalent of Beyoncé and actually release a major Hollywood film with no build up, no trailers and no marketing and just casually announce that its opening tomorrow, ‘go see it’.   

There are a few things wrong with 10CL and a couple of plot devices that are, in my humble opinion, just a little bit lazy, when it comes to screenwriting. I can see the ending being a problem for some as it offers a promise of things to come that we almost certainly won’t see, at least not yet and the three main characters, on which the film hangs itself on, don’t always feel like they are being that smart. A solid four out of five but may leave a bitter aftertaste… 

Twitter Review:

Above and below, there are monsters everywhere…

#SomeThingWickedThisWayComes

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1179933/?ref_=nm_flmg_prd_7

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saHzng8fxLs

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/10-cloverfield-lane/review/

Hail, Caesar!

Hello dear reader, I hope you are well. Right, now we have a problem. Or to be more precise, I have a problem. A problem I suspect I may not be alone with but I have the tiniest of inklings that it could ever so slightly taint what you are about to read. 

My problem is this. Ever since the early nineties, I cannot hear the words ‘Hail Caesar’ without immediately thinking of Graham Chapman in the masterpiece that is ‘The Life of Brian’ and one particular scene in general. This problem is then further compounded by the fact that no sooner has my brain processed that little gem of comedy gold, that it always, and I do mean always, moves onto Mr. Michael Palin and his fabulous ‘Biggus Dickus’ speech. Now once that has played out in my head things tend to settle down a bit and I can try and pull my thought processes back to what most qualified professionals would laughably call ‘normal’. However, it can sometimes be a struggle to get there, as its dependant on the prevailing wind speed, the company I am in at the time and whether I am the Messiah or just a very naughty boy. 

There’s also the small matter of me doing the world’s worst impression of the Beavis & Butt-Head laugh whilst I happily play out this internal monologue. As I said it’s a problem but to be honest, it’s not one I plan on getting fixed any time soon. 

So if you’re willing to put up with this little affliction and don’t mind knowing that there will be points during the writing of this blog where I will have been crying over my keyboard, please feel free to continue reading.

Still there? Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each.

So a little background to start with, if you’ll permit me. The Coen Brothers, Ethan and Joel have been producing, writing and directing their own films now for the better part of thirty years. Their back catalogue is remarkable and includes gems like Raising Arizona, Miller’s Crossing, The Big Lebowski, Fargo and True Grit, to name but a few. The have managed to work with the very best when it comes to acting talent and, as with other directors, have collaborated with some on more than one occasion. George Clooney has now appeared in four of their films, Josh Brolin has three under his belt and Tilda Swinton has two. However, Frances McDormand blows them all out of the water with a very imposing eight. Now, she is married to Joel Coen and far be it for me to say that she doesn’t have to audition but even with the best spin doctors available it does look like favouritism to me!

Hail, Caesar! tells the story of Eddie Mannix, played by the aforementioned Mr Brolin. Mannix works for Capitol Pictures and is what’s referred to in 1950’s Hollywood as a fixer. He keeps stars out of trouble, rumours under control and always try to keep at least two steps ahead of the press. The film is a snap shot of a day in his life and all the troubles and tribulations he has to go through and deal with. There’s everything from twin Journalists, with very different agendas. Trying to appease and seek approval from several Gods, whilst making sure that other religions aren’t also offended at the same time and then dealing with the kidnapping of Capitol Pictures prize asset by a rather nice bunch of cardigan wearing communists. The asset in question is none other than Baird Whitlock, played to perfection by the annoyingly good looking George Clooney. Whitlock is basically an amalgamation of three real acting heavyweights. Namely, Robert Taylor, Charlton Heston and Kirk Douglas. Who gave us Quo Vadis, Ben Hur and Spartacus respectively. Whitlock is a drinker and a ham actor. A man who has got to where he is today on good fortune and luck, rather than talent and hard work. Those charming communist cardigan wearers refer to themselves collectively as ‘The Future’ and are played flawlessly by a great ensemble group, including John Bluthal, or if you prefer ‘Frank Pickle’ from the Vicar of Dibley. Without giving away a spoiler there is also another famous actor hidden amongst their ranks and again, without wanting to give too much away, the character his person plays ends up on a Russian bound submarine captained by none other than Dolph Lundgren and yes, you did read that right. 

Life for Mannix life is further complicated by the fact that he’s trying to be a good father and a good husband but work just keeps getting in the way. Mannix been offered a different job, with normal hours, great pay and potential from a representative of Lockheed but that’s not where his heart lies. Mannix is a morally sound guy but he just needs the day to be about six hours longer to get everything done. 

Hail, Caesar! is a love letter from the Coen brothers to Hollywood. It’s full of sharp dialogue and mirth. It’s scattered with cameos from start to finish. Christopher Lambert and Clancy Brown (The Highlander and the Kurgan respectively), although they don’t share any scenes together. Robert Picardo, Agyness Deyn, Michael Gambon as the Narrator and Jonah Hill to name a few. There are also a plethora of other actors scattered throughout the film who deserve a slightly bigger mention too. Scarlett Johansson, Ralph Fiennes, Channing Tatum and Alden Ehrenreich each bring their own unique qualities to the screen and help produce what is and always will be quintessentially a Coen brother’s film.   

This is a film that won’t be to everyone’s tastes. It has a sense of humour that skewer’s ever so slightly towards quirky and odd ball.  It’s unlikely to win over anyone who isn’t already a Coen brothers fan but for those of you out there they feel they could still need persuading before they go and see it, I offer up the following evidence for the defence. If you’ve ever actually wanted to see someone slap George Clooney for real, then this is the film for you. If you like your cinema outings not to contain any deaths then this is the only Coen brother’s film where no one becomes an ex-parrot and even though Francis McDormand is barely in the film for more than three minutes, she steals the film and you’re unlikely to see a better one hundred and eighty seconds committed to film any time soon. So that ladies and gentlemen is that. Hail, Caesar! is an hour and forty six minutes of fun and frivolity. It’s a small glimpse into an ever so slightly surreal world that is American film making in the 1950’s. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll fail to appreciate it’s the meek who are the problem. 

Twitter Review:

Hail, Caesar! Is a little slice of silly & a sprinkling of eccentric. Amazing cast & a Coen brothers classic. 

#AreYouTheJudeanPeoplesFront?

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475290/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMqeoW3XRa0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMqeoW3XRa0

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/hail-caesar/review/

Deadpool

Hello dear reader, Its Deadpool time. A sentence that in itself isn’t that much of a big deal but contained within those three words or, if you prefer, fifteen letters, is a game changer. There have been of course been several Superhero movies over the last few years. The film that really got the spandex ball rolling was Bryan Singers X-Men back in 2000. This was then followed very quickly by Tobey Maguire swinging through the Big Apple, faster than you can say “With great power comes endless merchandising possibilities’. Then Warner threw their hat into the ring and rebooted the ‘Batman’ franchise, with Christopher Nolan. This substantially raised the bar with regards to treating the audience with a modicum of intelligence and realising that action set pieces are all very well but it’s the script and characters that ultimately puts bums on seat. “I’m gonna make this pencil disappear…” 

Then came a long a gentlemen by the name of Kevin Feige shouting to anyone that would listen that “There’s gold in them their hills!” and launched what can arguably be described as the most successful movie series in history. So back to Deadpool and its substantial moving of the goalposts. Why is it a game changer I hear you ask? Well, my awesomely fabulous reader, the answer is quite simple. With the possible exception of ‘The Crow’, there has never been a main stream comic book film released by a studio that set out from the very start to be dark, ultra-violent and have enough bad language to make even Quentin Tarantino blush. And before anyone pipes up and tries to play either the The Punisher or Ghost Rider top trump card, I would like to just state for the record that they both suck so much they should be sponsored by Dyson, and therefore do not count!

If you’ll indulge me, I’ll just give you a quick heads up on how Deadpool ended up being greenlit in the first place. Back in 2009 Hugh Jackman had his first opportunity to ‘go solo’ and see if he could carry the weight of an X-Man film all on his lonesome. I say lonesome but there were a few other mutants thrown into the mix just to keep it interesting. There was a Gambit, a Sabretooth and even a Cyclops. It’s also memorable for the fact that it’s the first time that Deadpool, or Wade Wilson to give him his civilian name, appears on a cinema screen. The film isn’t exactly remembered as what people in polite society would call ‘good’, and even the the actor charged with bring this Deadpool to life, Ryan Reynolds, has gone on record and said that it’s a bit poo. The film itself falls a long way from being the sum of its parts. Mr Pool is stretched a long way from his comic book routes and to say it was substantially watered down for more palatable tastes, is an understatement. It did however get the ball rolling and a couple of years later Twentieth Century Fox commissioned about five minutes of test footage to see if a Deadpool film could actually be brought to the silver screen and more importantly, done well and not skimp around the edges. This test footage was then somehow ‘accidently’ leaked onto the internet and then fans all proclaimed in one voice ‘more please!’ They basically bombarded Fox, insisting that a film be made and wouldn’t you know it, persistence paid off. Fast forward to late 2014 and once again Ryan Reynolds is back and this time there’s a little gravitas about the whole operation. The Wolverine movie is ignored and this outing is treated as an origin story. 

The film itself is a breath of fresh air. It takes the Superhero rule book and throws it out of the window. It cares not one jot about keeping little jimmy happy and trying to draw in the biggest audience it can get its hands on. Deadpool is squarely aimed at the adult end of the spectrum and to be honest if little jimmy did manage to get in and watch Deadpool, he’d leave a needing about six months of therapy and have a list of ‘why’ questions that would keep even the most caring of parents reaching for the Prozac. That said there are times when Deadpool comes across as a film that doesn’t really know what it wants to be. It’s very funny, has well put together action sequences, doesn’t take itself seriously at all and has some very clever forth wall breaks. However, there are also scenes that wouldn’t look out of place in a Saw film. I got the feeling that the screenwriters, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, just basically decided to throw a huge amount of content at the wall and see what stuck. Tonally Deadpool doesn’t have a smooth ride from start to finish and although I would give it four out of five, it only gets there by the skin of its teeth. There will of course be people out there of completely disagree with on this and that’s fine. Opinions are fine and dandy and it doesn’t mean that I’m right and others are wrong. I suspect there will be people out there in internet land who were looking forward to this film more than Episode VII. There was a lot of pressure and expectation put on its release and it did have some fairly harsh critics to win over. As I mentioned earlier, Deapool is a breath of fresh air and could also be seen as a soft reboot for the genre. As a result of its popularity I suspect there will now be a lot of studio boardrooms, full of executives, having conversations along the lines of ‘we can do what now?’ and ‘Adults also like this stuff, who knew!’ Warner Brothers have already confirmed that the Blu-ray release for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice will be a much more violent and darker affair than the imminent cinema release and only time will tell what the world makes of this new angle of attack when it comes to Superhero films.

Marvel has had the lion’s share of the market over the last eight years and has been merrily counting the ALL money generated from Iron Man and his pals. But like a storm moving in from the horizon, Warner Brothers are about to launch their little boat into the water and there may not be enough space for them both to play without there being casualties. Before too much longer we as a planet could find ourselves hurtling towards the Superhero event horizon, with absolutely no way of stopping it. To say nothing of there now being the possibility of each film potential having two versions available. 

But back to Deadpool. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll almost certainly wince and it being one of them there ‘do-gooder’s in spandex’ films, you’ll also sit through the credits for what feels like an eternity, waiting for the sting thingy. This by the way the credit sting is very in keeping with the feel of Deadpool. It’s also worth pointing out that Deadpool has a great cast and a British bad guy called Francis. The Director, Tim Miller has what can best be described as an odds and sods CV but someone at Fox saw something in him with regards to potential and that gamble has paid off. Deadpool, although it does have its faults, certainly doesn’t have any issues with it production of overall visual feel and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’s asked to take on the directing reigns again. So in closing I’ll say this. Deadpool is one of those films that grabs your attention from the start and takes you on a ride that doesn’t really let up. It’s hard to imagine anyone other than Ryan Reynolds now playing the part and although I don’t think it passes the Bechdal test, the female characters in it aren’t just there to be rescued or viewed as eye candy. If you like your champions of the silver screen dressed in red, having a fairly strong leaning towards the effing and jeffing and a lot of comedy thrown into the mix then Mr pool and company may just be the film for you…

Twitter review:

1 portion on spandex, 67 tbsp of violence, a sprinkling of smut & a metric f%#k tonne of blood & gore. Stir and bake on Hi-Def.

#Shoop

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1431045/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vN6DHB6bJc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hr1YnpLiJC8

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/deadpool-2/review/

The Revenant

Hello dear reader. It’s been just over two months since I last offered up an opinion on the wonderful world that is my cinema experiences. Two long empty months with nothing to show for it other than the distant glowing reflection of all things Forcey and Skywalker. There are of course perfectly good reasons for this, of which some of you will be aware of. For those of you who aren’t, let me simply say this. Life got in the way and it needed to. It’s as simple as that…

So what do I have on offer for you this time? Well, to boil it all down to its constituent basics, The Revenant is a revenge film that stars The Great Gatsby and Bane. Now obviously there’s a little more to it than that and coming in at a shade over two and a half hours long, the Mexican director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu hasn’t scrimped on the details either. Following up on his Oscar winning ‘Birdman’ triumph of 2014, he turned his attentions towards a little known true story and with a bit of artistic licence and a sprinkling of Hollywood magic has turned in a finished product that is something of a rarity these days, an original film.  The true story in question is about Hugh Glass, played here by Mr DiCaprio, a frontiersman who is left for dead after being mauled by a bear, in South Dakota, 1823. 

It’s worth pointing out that The Revenant it not what would be described as a ‘happy happy joy joy; film. It’s bleak and deals with personal tragedy, betrayal and one man’s struggle to right some wrongs and to see justice prevail. Just think nineteenth century Batman but without the utility belt. Having said that though, what you do get for your time and money is possible one of the greatest cinematic and visually astonishing films to ever grace the silver screen. The landscape, which some would argue is a character in itself, has a perfection and resonance and is the glue that holds the story together. If the internets and more importantly, the studio publicity machine, are to be believed then there was no artificial light used during the entire shooting process. This is a little white lie as Inarritu has stated for the record that at least one camp fire scene need to be enhanced but apart from that all you see of South Dakota was filmed using the two to three hours of natural light available. This is no mean feat, especially when you consider that locations, weather and the logistics of moving a film crew into position aren’t always the easiest things to control. Another detail that the promotional machine for Twentieth Century Fox would very much like you, the viewer, to believe is, that the film does not have any computer generated imagery in it at all and Inarritu is quoted as saying “If we ended up in green-screen with coffee and everybody having a good time, everybody will be happy, but most likely the film would be a piece of shit”. Now, this is all fine and dandy until you start analysing what’s been seen. We have a meteorite hurtling through the sky, on queue and as luck would have it, heading in the right direction. The bear attack sequence, which lasts a good five minutes. There are very visceral shots of people being impaled with arrows and this isn’t done just using ‘clever camera angles’. However, my personal favourite ‘none cgi’ effect is when Mr DiCaprio rides a horse of a cliff to escape a pack of chasing Native Americans. If you’ve seen the film you’ll know exactly which scene I’m referring too and if that was done without the use of computers then Mr Inarritu, I doth my cap at your ability to not only train the greatest stunt horse in the world but also to convince, what I hope was a stunt double, to happy ride off a reasonably high precipice with only a couple of snow clad spruce trees to aim for. 

It is only fair to point out that the natural light ‘white lie’ and the computer ‘fib’ should in no way stop you from watching this film. Neither issue detract from the overall finished product at all. The film is almost flawless in its execution and when complimented by the acting talent on screen too, it’s almost certainly made itself the frontrunner for Oscar gold this year. 

Speaking of the acting talent, its two main leads Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hardy hardly put a foot wrong here. Having first worked together in Christopher Nolan’s ‘Inception’, their chemistry on screen is consummate. Although both have contrasting acting styles, they play off each other very well and both bring different qualities to the table. I think DiCaprio saw this film and its making as a very important journey he wanted to take. After having read the script He called Tom Hardy and told him that he wanted him to take the part of John Fitzgerald, the man who ultimately betrays DiCaprio’s Glass. Hardy, who was at the time attached to Suicide Squad, dropped out of that and agreed to make The Revenant. A decision that earned him a best supporting actor nod at the 2016 Oscars. 

The Revenant has over the last twelve months attained an almost mythical status throughout Hollywood as being a film that could or indeed can, lay claim to being the toughest movie shoot in history. However I suspect a certain Mr James Cameron (The Abyss or Titanic), Francis Ford Coppola (Apocalypse Now) and possibly even David Fincher (Alien 3) would have something to say about that. Tom Hardy, who apparently is a big believer is keeping the crew happy, had several onset arguments with Inarritu and is said to have chocked him out at one point after a disagreement. The Revenant was shot chronologically over an eighty day schedule, which isn’t easy in itself, however there were production problems from the outset and they had to move the entire shoot on at least three separate occasions, chasing the snow. DiCaprio’s commitment to the cause and the finished performance he deliveries is astounding and I hope he ends up with a small gold statue for his troubles. He’s definitely deserved it.

I'll finish by saying this. If you get the opportunity to watch The Revenant, I would strongly advise to you take it. It is a rare film of at times exceptional beauty and you’re unlikely to see its equal for a very long time. The subject matter won’t be to everyone’s tastes and there will be people who won’t want to watch it because of the actors in it but seek it out, all the same. It is at times unapologetically brutal and graphic but I would argue that it needs to be in order to tell the story. As to what subject Inarritu will decide to tackle next, the jury is still out, but is Birdman and The Revenant are anything to go by then you can place a large amount of money on it being original, thought provoking and will also have ‘A-list’ actors lining up around the block to audition for it. 

Twitter Review:

There are bears. There are woods & there are other assorted strange animals, but Winnie the Pooh this isn't.

#IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1663202/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoebZZ8K5N0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcFLuiqDm8g

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/revenant/review/

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Hello dear reader, well it’s finally happened. Pop Culture: Episode VII has finally been released into the world and whether you like it or not, for the foreseeable future, it will be very hard to find anything that isn’t set ‘A long time ago’ or ‘in a galaxy far far away….’ 

So where do you start to trying to review a film that is basically the most anticipated piece of cinema released in the last ten years, possibly much longer? Well the best place to start is at the beginning, or to be more precise, Episode IV and 1977. Now I happen to be old enough, or as I like to see it, lucky enough, to be of a certain age, that I can claim with a certain amount of pride that I have seen every single Star Wars film in the cinema, on its original release. This puts me in the unique position of being firstly, old and secondly wise enough to know that The Empire Strikes Back is not the greatest film in the franchise, and before you lovely people start to ‘lose your shit’ (down with the kids). I would also, for the record, like to point out that I don’t think the one with the terrorist teddy bears is either.  The best is, of course, the original. Now, I know this is a controversial point of view and that many of you will completely disagree with me. I have gone on record in previous blogs about how I just don’t understand why everyone else seems to hold Episode V in such high regard. For me it’s a film that’s plot can be summed up quite simply as ‘A snow ball fight, exposition, exposition, exposition, hi son, the end.’ The whole chunk where Luke goes looking for Yoda on Dagobah is a complete snooze fest and quite frankly if it wasn’t for the inclusion of the AT-AT walkers in the aforementioned ‘snow-ball’ fight and a certain ‘bad-ass’ bounty hunter, then I don’t think it would have much going for it at all. Now don’t get me wrong. If someone pointed a gun at my head and told me I had to choose between watching a film that had either Frank Oz voicing the most unrealistic muppet since Ronald Regan or a CGI character from Episode I that could turn the most die-hard of Star Wars fans into a seething mass of ‘going-postal’ rage. Then I’d blissfully go with swamps, cloud cities and amusingly shaped ion cannons every day of the week and twice on Sunday. 

However, I do feel like I’m drifting slightly away from the point here and the job at hand. Namely, to give my humble opinion of J.J. Abrams The Force Awakens. Now I am going to do my best to skirt around the edges of a little town I known called ‘Spoilerville’. Especially, given what happens to thingy, when doodah goes and does whatchamacallit in the third act. So it would probably be best for all concerned to go and see the film first before reading on any further. I’m more than happy to wait…

Great, that’s everyone caught up, so now I’ll continue. Firstly I’ll start with the ‘what’s wrong with it’ column. Don’t worry, this won’t take that long but there are a couple of niggles that I need to go over. However, the first is a biggy. Ever since Star Wars film was released, nearly forty years ago’ the ‘A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away….’ opening screen shot and its proceeding screen crawl have always, and I mean always, had the Twentieth Century Fox fanfare to accompany it. They’ve become so ingrained with one another that I can’t hear the fanfare without thinking ‘Star Wars’. It’s just impossible to have one without the other. And I can’t be the only one that thinks that because on certain Star Wars soundtracks that have been released, the fanfare has been included as track 1. But alas those days have now gone. Ever since Mr Lucas sold his soul to Disney, back in 2012, for the better part of four billion dollars and change, we will never again get to listen to that combination again. It may not mean that much to other people but to me Star Wars without it is like Laurel without Hardy, Peter Cook without Dudley Moore or One Direction without Autotune.  

My second grumble, and by the way these are now in no particular order, falls squarely on the shoulders of Supreme Leader Snoke. Now, right off the bat I would just like to say that I have absolutely no concerns with Mr Andy Serkis. He does what he does best, namely playing a motion capture character better than any other living person on the planet. My Issue with Snoke is basically that considering he’s the ‘big bad’ of the film, he is criminally under used. He also only appears in the film the same way the Emperor appears in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’. He’s a holographic projection.  The best way I can describe how Snoke gets shown on screen is, imagine if Apple ever got their hands on Skype and you’d be pretty close to the mark. Also the projection is ‘meganormous’. He towers above everyone he talks to and it’s never really made crystal clear if what we’re looking at is ‘actual size’. I hope it isn’t because if it is Mr Abrams is definitely overcompensating for something. The other smaller problem I have with him is his overall appearance. He looks like the sort of person you’d find on Voldemort’s LinkedIn page. He very much comes across as someone whose bark is far worse than his bite. I didn’t really get the whole ‘menace’ vibe off him at all. 

Thirdly, and more importantly lastly, it’s time to bash, albeit very lightly, Adam Driver as Kylo Ren. Now it’s not really Adams fault here and I suspect he didn’t have much say in the overall look that J.J. was going for but there is a huge problem. When he has his face mask on and his voice is enhanced, the whole character works. Unlike Snoke, Kylo Ren does come across as daunting and as someone you wouldn’t want to upset during a game of space chess (FYI, always let the Wookie win) but as soon as the mask comes off and the hair cascades down, he looks like he’s just wandered in from the set of ‘Made in Chelsea’. I’ve seen oranges look scarier than Kylo does unmasked. It just doesn’t work at all. Now it was pointed out to me that Adam Drivers ears are rather on the large side and the hair could be being used to gently cover them up but there have to be better styles available. Whenever he’s on screen ‘sans headgear’ it felt like I was watching a Vidal Sassoon commercial.   

So that’s the gripes over and done with, now onto the good stuff…..(clears throat)……

THERE ARE WOMEN IN THE STAR WARS UNIVERSE!!!! That’s right actual real women, doing actual real jobs and ladies and gentlemen (best sit down for the next bit) they have actual lines of dialogue as well. See what happens when you let grownups handle the screenwriting responsibilities Mr Lucas. It’s so nice to see a universe that’s been populated properly and with characters that are well rounded and well written.  We have the Oscar nominated Lupita Nyong’o playing Maz Katana, Emmy nominated Gwendoline Christie as Captain Phasma and of course the one and only Carrie Fisher back as ‘General Leia Organa’. However the real star of the show is Daisy Ridley’s Rey. She’s a self-reliant scavenger, who is more than capable of looking after herself and doesn’t need to be rescued as soon as things start to go south. Between Rey and John Boyega’s Fin, the story of The Force Awakens is in very safe hands. They both have on screen chemistry with each and it doesn’t take long before you actually start to care about what happens to them. 

As for Fin himself, he is struggling to deal with the fact that he’s a Stormtrooper with a conscious. This is not a good combination and leads him to the conclusion that he doesn’t know what he’s fighting for anymore. After the realisation that he may not be on the right side, he helps Oscars Isaac’s Poe Dameron, who’s been captured by those pesky ‘Dark-Side’ types, steal a Tie-Fighter and escape faster than you can say ‘There appears to be a very large and angry cheese wedge after us’. 

The Force Awakens is a film littered with comedic touches and great action set pieces. It’s obvious; right off the bat that I lot of time and effort went into making sure they got it right. This film was always going to be compared against the last three films that were made and in some ways that’s unfair. Episodes I, II and III are what they are. Some people hate them, some people don’t but to compare them against this film and the others that will follow, over the coming years, is like saying Coke is better than Pepsi or Daniel Craig is a better Bond than Roger Moore. It all comes down to opinion at the end of the day. 

The Force awakens is a fun film to watch. It isn’t a slow burn that takes forty five minutes to build up and set the scene for what is to follow. It’s pretty much full speed ahead for the get go. As had been well documented and publicised, some of the original characters from the first three films have returned. The aforementioned Carrie Fisher as Leia, Peter Mayhew playing some of the Chewbacca part, Harrison Ford is back as Hans Solo and isn’t just there to pick up a pay check. Solo is not a blink and you’ll miss it cameo and is not only is he integral to the story, His (spoiler) with (spoiler) that results in his (spoiler) is one of the best parts of the film. R2D2 and C3PO both return but they seem only to be on film to appease the god of nerdum. They don’t real help move the story along and to be honest the film wouldn’t have been any worse had they not been in it. That brings me along to Mr Mark Hamill. Again no big spoilers here but all I will say is that I bet he didn’t have to spend a long time learning his lines.   

In closing I’ll say this. The Force Awakens is a great film. It’s smart when it needs to be and at just over two hours and fifteen minutes long, it isn’t going to numb parts of you that it shouldn’t. It isn’t one of those films that it’s likely to diminish over time or with repeat viewings and has easter eggs galore throughout. Its Score, as with its predecessors, is written, composed and knocked out of the park by John Williams. Overall I’d give it a very solid four out of five. It’s very respectful of what’s come before it and does an excellent job of not treading on their toes. If The Force Awakens is anything to go by then Episode VIII is going to be a blast and the good news is we only have to wait until May 2017 before it turns ups. 

Useful Links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2488496/?ref_=nv_sr_1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOVFvcNfvE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGbxmsDFVnE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTLAx3VDX7g

http://www.empireonline.com/movies/star-wars-force-awakens/review/

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